bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

"omg someon thinks blue jeans go with a green top"

Ha ha. That is so bitchy!!

But MNHQ do it. Are they shouting out for people to also come and attack the person on the "losing side"

I agree, derby the blue/green debate is outrageously bitchy.

LeQ, you make the assumption that the target of bullying is essentially weak re "an inability to express themselves, a lack of back-bone etc". That's a very black and white, not to mention staggeringly judgemental, assessment of what bullying is and how it operates. You also seem to have a skewed understanding of what 'victim' actually means, along with the vast majority of the population, who see a victim as weak, your choice, pathetic - even, 'you asked for it'. In the majority of bullying situations, a victim/target is not 'weak' - usually the contrary, a threat to the bully - it is the bully who is 'weak'. Bullying tactics are to berate, repeat, undermine, confuse, shame, frighten, humiliate, catch out, demand, twist facts. To name only a few, all of which were fully illustrated on the 'firing' thread. No-one is inured to tactics like this and if you think that 'back-bone' or 'an ability to express yourself' excludes you then you are deluded.

Deluded or a psychopath

to clarify, when i have seen people mention an MN discussion, the conversation tends to continue on twitter rather than having their friends come flying over in defence.

Top post at 13:11, smoking. As Tim Field says, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, bully."
In the context of MN, perhaps those who can't put together a helpful reply ... or can't put an outfit together by themselves

Sometimes MN posters get a bit uppity. And that is usually because someone else is being an arse. The 'sack the teacher' thread was a prime example - an inflammatory and unreasonable thread title and an extremely inflexible and unreasonable poster who would not accept in the slightest that she was being inflexible or unreasonable. A lot of people thought she was and said so. The alternative is what? To agree with her even though they thought she was wrong?

If you want to call it bullying, do so . Makes no difference. If people are being unreasonable they get told they are. There are places that are better for certain subjects and posting in IABU when you are feeling cross and emotional is a bad idea.

Personally I don't twitter or fb so I can't comment on that aspect of it.

Its easy really Orm - dont post in AIBU unless you genuinely think that you are at fault. And be prepared to be told you are at fault. Two seperate threads could be:

(AIBU) to think that my DH should let me read his texts

or (in relationships) DH hides his phone from me and is making me suspicious, what should I do

" she was being inflexible or unreasonable. A lot of people thought she was and said so. The alternative is what? To agree with her even though they thought she was wrong?"

I agree Ormirion that AIBU is the appropriate place to tell it straight to someone who has posted. But in that thread the poster was told repeatedly, over and over again by the same posters, in increasingly aggressive ways, the same thing. That is bullying, not posting an opinion, or a strong opinion, in disagreement. No poster should expect to be hounded for I think it's about 16 pages now - the majority repeat posts, saying the same thing more and more aggressively, like a pack of animals attacking its prey. Then there was the sneering, blatant skewing of facts, accusations of lying, when her account was consistent throughout. And on and on it went.

I think the repetition was because she failed to accept she might have been in the wrong at all.

but sometimes there is one answer and if someone refuses to hear it you have little choice other than repeat it till the message sinks through.

16 pages or not, it was one thread and presumably remained on topic.
If they chased her across other threads and was digging at her every word then yes that's bullying.

still not sure which thread you're talking about though

three I agree with you and purepurples post from yesterday, I stopped reading after first page where a lot of the posters seemed to defend a certain style of posting.

I think there are some on here that delight in attacking others and not to mention the cliques where your are ignored (also a form of bullying)

There are some very friendly threads that give great advice and chat...

ageinggrace well put

"but sometimes there is one answer and if someone refuses to hear it you have little choice other than repeat it till the message sinks through"

Really? Is that what you do when someone doens't accept your opinion yogi? Right

Who says there is one answer? Or that you have it?

As it was, she didn't post the "oh yes, I see, I've been an idiot, I was all wrong there" - imo she didn't get the chance. She barely posted anything apart from factual information, short posts containing facts - though she didn't need to as all the relevant facts were in the OP, but she was agressively hounded to provide more facts - which anyway just resulted in a fresh round of unbelievably hostile battering.

To repeatedly batter someone when they don't accept your opinion is bullying.

Which it looks like I am now! ok, stand corrected. I will try to stop saying - never battering - the same thing in different ways.

Sorry what i meant was that sometimes people just continue to repeat something that is such a barking idea that everyone else just repeats the alternative view.

It is boring an cyclical but not bullying

mmphbmnmbbmmph

that's me trying not to say anything.

Ormirian I saw the 'sack the teacher' thread entirely differently. The OP just seemed to be getting a kicking from all sides, despite the fact that she was rightfully pissed off as well as being partly in the wrong herself, and naturally became defensive. Anyone would.

AIBU doesn't seem to be a place for debate, more 'yelling'. I am still reeling from the knowledge that troops are rallied on FB and Twitter to join in. Wow (again)!

how disapointing.thought bulling would be salacious.looking for a lascivious thread

not a mn - yew is all cows