bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

victoriascrumptious - [LIKE!]

I really can't believe people put shoutouts on FB and Twitter to their mates so they can pile in on a thread and fling mud at someone. That is really, really sad! Jesus...

TSC , I blame the aliens. Its always either them or FB that are the source of all problems...

I haven't been here very long, and I haven't started an AIBU thread, If I did, I'd expect to get an honest answer, not loads of group hugs and people agreeing with me just because I'd posted it. It's the internet, and people will disagree and have spats and you have to expect that.

FWIW I haven't said anything here I wouldn't have said face to face, and I've seen some pretty honest sounding posters who I reckon could say the same.

am glad to see you back too dude. I apologised yesterday by the way, in case you missed it.

No, not at all, duly noted I saw it- Just glad to have the unpleasantness over with ! I wish I could have my old nickname back though, that'll teach me for flouncing...

princess are you who I think you are?

Anyway, just as an aside, I love that TSC calls people 'dude'

I want to add 'where's my car' but that'd be naff!

Who do you think I am?

Have PMd you with my answer

Ive noticed that replies are very frank and down to earth.

My advice if you post something from the heart seeking advice, you then get one of these replies dont respond to it. It only gets worse then ends up being upsetting.

Another website to try thats got nicer replies and any bullying is promptly removed is netmums.

The bullying reputation the site has comes, I would guess, in part from a Times article titled 'The bullies hiding behind Mumsnet's skirts' that ranks very high up in Google searches for Mumsnet. That's probably what people's sisters, friends etc have seen and are referring to.

I wouldn't necessarily call it bullying but I don't like the piling on, and I particuarly don't like the threads (in many cases started by 'untouchable' long-standing MN posters who people inexplicably worship) that are designed to sneer and make people feel bad about/ argue about their tastes and habits. Ingenious in an infantile way but it draws a lot of people in and prompts unpleasantness for its own sake.

The bullying reputation doesn't come from the site you mentioned eighties but from experience on the site. I visited here years ago and found it to be the case then - this time it didn't seem as apparent but a short while on here and there it is again. The information for the Times article comes from the reality imo.

Well I like it here. And I was the bullied girl in the huge deidre specs in the playground with her white socks pulled to the knees being called a virgin which I was until my 20s :)

I have been no bullying yet - only forthright opinions assertively put!

Exactly. To bully someone is to specifically target someone reapeatedly.

That doesn't happen on here. There are certain threads where two or more people will have a heated battle of opinions and on occasion they can reach a point where they should probably take a step back. But that is all it is, a heated deabte.

It isn't bullying.

The few times I have seen accusations of bullying is because 1 poster has been a total arse and the large proportion of posters have all said the same thing.

But I simply cannot equate that to bullying

I have seen people - especially new posters - ask perfectly innocent questions, to be met with a torrent of accusations by people who can't be bothered to read the thread, and who seem to be operating in some sort of pack. If it isn't bullying, it is certainly unpleasant.

see we have the "pack mentality" thing again.

Whilst i do think that the reaction you get on an op will mostly depend on the first half a dozen responses, if it could go either way then most people will go with the people already answering. There aren't many who feel confident enough to swim against the tide of MN opinion.

I don't see it as pack mentality, i see it as the majority of MN thinking similarly on many issue's which is why they chose to be here rather than some other websites.

Whilst there will be debates with my friends and family over some topics, in general we think similarly. that is why they are my friends. So it is not unusual to find people who generally get on very well agreeing with each other.

again, can't see how it would be bullying unless they had made some sort of prior agreement to be unreasonable to a particular poster on every occassion.
And whilst i understand that there are a few victims who desperatly want to push that idea as fact, i simply cannot see it.

The 'fired' poster was targeted repeatedly yogi, by the same posters, saying the exact same things over and over for page after page, DEMANDING, like she was in a court before a judge and jury, that she get on the board and reply in detail immediately, very aggressive and sneering when she didn't. That's bullying.

What's the problem with the word 'bullying?'. This thread gives countless examples of bullying but fights shy of calling it bullying. Why not?

fired poster?

I do think that some people can get very worked up about an issue and without someone responding to them to give an alternative view they sort of drive themselves mad with anger.

but again, if it is kept to the one thread and it remains about the issue being discussed then it is not bullying.
If they then come back a week later and follow that poster harrassing them on other threads merely because of who the poster is, then its bullying.

disagreement, however heated is not bullying.

Yes, I see that quite regularly here, smoking - "You still haven't answered my question of 12:03. Which window were you looking through when you say you saw your DS being thumped?" Over and over again

When somebody posts a problem to a forum, it's often because they're distressed and/or confused. Self-appointed MN cross-examiners pick up this vulnerability and poke away at it - and that's bullying.

Mumsnet never used to be like it is now, I've been using Mumsnet for 9 years or so, long before AIBU existed - the behaviour topic was the most interesting.

I don't feel bullied on here, I have my opinion same as everyone else and I'm entitled to voice it same as everyone else. If someone wants to bully me because of my opinion then they really need to get a grip of themselves. It doesn't affect me because I just turn off the computer and think they are a tw*t.

It's these people that in real life wouldn't say anything to anyone, and can only feel confident through the anonimity of a forum. Very very sad.

I don't use facebook but i am on twitter.

the closest i have seen to a "call to defend" has been people tweeting things like

"is lol at xxx thread on MN"

or "omg someon thinks blue jeans go with a green top link"

not a "im getting a kicking can you come help me out please"

so no different to what MNHQ do on twitter and facebook. unless they too are to be acused of bullying?