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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting to get this teacher fired

690 replies

lividbeyondbelief · 19/02/2011 23:08

My dd attends a language class on saturday mornings in central london. This week due to horrible traffic we were 30 minutes late to collect her. We tried texting her teacher to say we were stuck in traffic but never got a reply. Anyway to make a long story short - she left my dd outside the school, alone with another boy, whilst she went out to go buy lunch. To make matters worse she told her to lie to us and say she was in the room next door if we asked where the teacher was when we collected our dd.

Our daughter was really upset and cried whilst being outside alone with this boy. My dh noticed she had been crying but the teacher just dismissed it, saying to dh she cried because he was late.

Obviously the bond of trust is broken and she wont be going back ever again. My question is what else should we do?

OP posts:
PixieOnaLeaf · 20/02/2011 00:36

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BaggedandTagged · 20/02/2011 00:36

YABU purely for TEXTING not CALLING the teacher when you knew you were going to be late. How old are you- thirteen?

And why didn't your DH just walk there and pick her up by himself if it's only a 5 min walk?

It's not a school. It's a language class which happens to be done at the school at the weekend, right?

GreenEyesandHam · 20/02/2011 00:36

See I'd be angry at myself, for putting her in this position :(

BaggedandTagged · 20/02/2011 00:38

The bottom line is, she's not a teacher. She's a language tutor. Totally different duty of care.

JaneS · 20/02/2011 00:39

Pixie, that's exactly what I was getting at.

I think if your in a stressful situation, like the OP, it is pretty easy to jump to conclusions and then think you've said/heard something you haven't - like thinking you've agreed with the teacher that you'll be late, when you've sent a text she's not received.

It's pretty natural and I can understand the OP being upset - I would be shocked if someone left the kids I babysit alone in a playground by a busy street, and they're not even mine!

hmc · 20/02/2011 00:40

What would that be then Bagged - 'dick all' duty of care?

ChippingInFanciesCheeseOnToast · 20/02/2011 00:41

Yus Maybe Livid is in a wheelchair - maybe the cafe around the corner doesn't have wheelchair access? Maybe the cafe around the corner only has straight back seats and she needs more of an arm chair - who knows what makes it more/less suitable. Having a disability isn't a bunch of laughs and she doesn't need to justify to you or anyone else, why one cafe is suitable and the other isn't.

LRD there are all kinds of differences - but none of them make it reasonable to leave two small children outside, alone, waiting for their parents. She is an adult & should have that much common sense.

Curly the way I see it is that Livid has always been on time before, she knows the traffic in that area and today something untoward happened. Anything could have delayed them, god forbid they could have been in a car accident themselves... of course it's bloody annoying for the teacher if the parents are late - but she is an adult they are small children - it is not OK to just put them out of the classroom and leave them to fend for themselves - what if the parents had been taken to hospital and didn't make it to the school at all?

If she needed to eat so urgently that she couldn't wait half an hour (and let's face it, that's not hugely likely is it), then she should carry food with her shouldn't she.

I'm not saying it's not annoying or inconvenient - I am saying that despite that, as an adult (teacher or not) it is hugely irresponsible to leave two young children outside an unfamiliar school on their own.

Livid I have said at least once, if not more, that you should speak to them and have her roasted about telling your DD to lie to you.

PixieOnaLeaf · 20/02/2011 00:41

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hmc · 20/02/2011 00:41

Thank God for Chippin

ilovesooty · 20/02/2011 00:42

I certainly don't see why she should hang around with a child, having no indication of when the parents might turn up, not have anything to eat and have to teach again in the afternoon having had no kind of break. The OP is fortunate she didn't call SS as others have said.

It certainly doesn't seem at all clear where this "lying" thing has come from either.

hmc · 20/02/2011 00:44

"I certainly don't see why she should hang around with a child"

Oh God I despair! Common human decency anyone? Even if Livid is 100% in the wrong if I was the language tutor I wouldn't leave the child, nor would I be a fuckwit and ring social services

JaneS · 20/02/2011 00:45

chipping, I do agree and have said that I don't think a responsible adult should leave two children alone. But I can understand why an adult might end up doing it, either for health reasons that have been raised or simply because she didn't think through what she was doing.

But the teacher should stay with the children out of decency; the parent should be on time because it's her legal responsibility. That's the reality of it, and being miffed at the teacher is just shifting blame, especially when the parent has made another mistake by thinking she'd communicated when she hadn't.

Original poster
lividbeyondbelief · 20/02/2011 00:45

My dd only told us tonight. We were not livid when collecting her, we had no idea she had been left alone. The rest of the day was pretty full on and so only at bed time did she tell us.

Obviously we feel guilty as parents that we were late. I even feel guilty its my rubbish health that meant she was put in a situation of potential danger. I wish i could have walked out of the car and ran to collect her in time. But sadly thats not the case. However her teacher should not have left a child, aged 8, unattended. She must have known she was in the wrong, why ask her to lie otherwise?

OP posts:
JaneS · 20/02/2011 00:46

I'm coming at this as an person who doesn't have kids - if I didn't post on here and babysit, I wouldn't realize 7/8 was too young to leave alone. People without children don't necessarily know this stuff, and if this woman is a casual language tutor, she won't have received teacher training to know it.

LoopyLoopsHulaHoops · 20/02/2011 00:46

Totally agree LRG.

ilovesooty · 20/02/2011 00:46

How late is the parent allowed to be before you ring SS without being a fuckwit then?

PixieOnaLeaf · 20/02/2011 00:46

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JaneS · 20/02/2011 00:47

(sorry, that was in reply to hmc)

hmc · 20/02/2011 00:47

Livid - never ever post a question like this in AIBU, it isn't worth it

midlandsmumof4 · 20/02/2011 00:48

The class is two hours long. You live in walking distance away. Why drive? Your OH could walk her there, walk back home then walk her back-then you ALL go for a drive to get coffee. Simples. Grin. Btw-you ABVU in wanting the teacher to be fired. How about the other child? Have his parents complained?

hmc · 20/02/2011 00:48

LittleRed - you have a point. I was hopelessly naive about children before I had them, and may not have realised this either.

Am still askance though at some of the responses the OP has got

ilovesooty · 20/02/2011 00:50

We still don't know how exactly the daughter was "asked to lie" and it certainly doesn't seem impossible for it to be a misunderstanding or misinterpretation from the information so far.

JaneS · 20/02/2011 00:50

hmc - me too (being askance).

I'd still like to know how the lying comes into it. It's awful if the child is really worried her teacher will punish her - maybe the teacher let the child realize she was upset/angry with late parents.

curlymama · 20/02/2011 00:52

It may not be hugely likely, but it's certainly not beyond the realms of possibility. And if that was the case, then why is the teacher more at fault for not having food with her than the parents who were very late?

It's fairly likely that she had another class and only a small amount of time to get lunch, and she is entitled to do that.

The teacher didn't leave the children alone, the parents did.

The fact that she is probably unqualified, as a teacher makes a big difference. She doesn't have the same duty of care as a child's class teacher.

She was put in a position where she had to choose between not eating (for maybe a whole day and we cannot know if that would have consequenses for her), taking a child off the premises without parents permission, leaving them in the building either locked or not, or leaving them unattened in the playground. A fairly horrible set of choices for a young, inexperienced, unqualified girl to make don't you think? Maybe she didn't make the best choice, but she should never have been put in a position to have to make a choice.

hmc · 20/02/2011 00:52

ilove - seriously, you believe it is reasonable to call social services if a parent is half an hour late to collect their child when this is a one off without precedent, the child is well nourished, not cowed, bruised etc? I wouldn't waste Social Services time - vulnerable children should be the priority of Social Services and they have huge and unmanageable caseloads to deal with.

Advocating calling Social Services in this case is like phoning 999 to ask for an ambulance for toothache! Sheesh!