Wanting to get this teacher fired

[lividbeyondbelief]

My dd attends a language class on saturday mornings in central london. This week due to horrible traffic we were 30 minutes late to collect her. We tried texting her teacher to say we were stuck in traffic but never got a reply. Anyway to make a long story short - she left my dd outside the school, alone with another boy, whilst she went out to go buy lunch. To make matters worse she told her to lie to us and say she was in the room next door if we asked where the teacher was when we collected our dd.

Our daughter was really upset and cried whilst being outside alone with this boy. My dh noticed she had been crying but the teacher just dismissed it, saying to dh she cried because he was late.

Obviously the bond of trust is broken and she wont be going back ever again. My question is what else should we do?

I don't get why everyone is up in arms about the OP - personally if I was late I wouldn't expect my child to be left alone outside the school. if the OP is always late I could see where all the blame would be hers, but have none of you ever been caught up unexpectedly and been late to pick your child up from somewhere?

If the teacher had to leave then she equally, should have tried to contact the parents before deciding to leave the children. why is the assumption that the child is lying?

I do however, think that asking for the teacher to be fired is unreasonable. I would mention the incident to the people who run the language school so that appropriate procedures could be put in place for such future incidents of parents arriving late to collect their child/children

Firstly I do think OP YANBU to be upset if you're 7 year old was left on her own. However I do think you need to bear in mind that our children don't always present to us the facts in a completely realistic way. Maybe your first step should be to try to talk to the teacher and school to get a proper clarifaction of the facts? Would suggest this is of a "shouldn't there be a policy in place" type discussion rather than a "I want the teacher sacked" type approach simply as I think you'll get a better discussion and they are likely to be less defensive.

The thing I don't get is that surely telling your DD to say she was just next door was a pretty stupid lie anyway? If and when you turned up late, she would have known you would have wanted to see her presumably, and telling your daughter that she was next door when she wasn't just doesn't make sense?

I do think you were BU to text to say you were late. My DSs are younger, but a few months ago I was on the way to pick them up from nursery when there was a road accident 100m ahead of me - the road is a dual carriageway and I was totally stuck, couldn't turn around, couldn't move. I had left so that there would be 15 minutes "give" time, but as soon as I realised there was going to be a chance I could be late I rang, and then rang literally every 5 minutes to give them an update. Like I say, I know my kids are younger but I wouldn't have dreamt a text would be ok. But again, if you approach this in the right way to the school, then they can put that bit in a "parental responsibilities" section too.

Well said. And I am still confused about the 'lax timekeeping' issue. It appears that its merely a 'cultural trait' when you're half an hour late and inconveniencing the tutor. Yet you seem totally unconcerned that your being late upset your dd.

And I also agree with auntiemaggie that dismissing a possible medical condition as a 'freak eating disorder' is astonishing coming from someone with a disability. OP - are you comfortable with other people referring to your disability which prevents you entering local cafes, a 'freak disorder?' . Or is this just another example of your astonishing double standards?

That was to auntiemaggie btw

What a fascinating thread!

Have not read every single post but I just find it so interesting, when one talks of culture, to speculate on how very much the culture of what is acceptable or not, concerning children's freedom, has changed in the UK since I was a child.

DH, from the age of 7, used to travel to school alone (from Highgate to Elstree), on foot to the underground station, then by tube and finally by bus. Neither he nor his parents nor the school, nor anyone else for that matter, thought it at all unusual.

I lived closer to my school, so walked there, again from the age of 7 and also alone. From age 8 I also had to take my younger sister. It was a 20-30 minute walk away.

How times have changed!

I must say that I think the teacher behaved inappropriately in this case. The school (or the teacher herself, if she runs the classes independently) should surely have a policy for what procedure to follow in the event of a child not being collected. Suppose the mother had not turned up becasue she'd had an accident - or for some other reason couldn't be there? After a pre-determined amount of time has elapsed, and assuming the child's parents cannot be contacted, the agreed procedure should be implemented; this might mean calling the police or social services, who would take charge of the 'abandoned' child. It was very irresponsible to leave the child unsupervised.

So its an awful horrid scary area, that you and your whole family go to once a week and spend time 5 mins away in a coffee shop..

I'm sorry, but if there is a coffee shop nice enough to spend all that time in 5 mins away if can't be that horrible and scary an area...

If this is YOUR native language that your DD is going to classes for, what don't you and your Dh just teach her, throughout the week and voila, a Saturday to yourself where you can ALL sit in a nice coffee shop in a nicer area...

And you might be amazing, but people with health problems can learn to drive perfectly well - maybe look into learning to drive and gaining some independance...

I would be fuming had a teacher (who is responsible for the children when parents are away) left an 8 and 7 yr old in the centre of London (or anywhere) on their own.

Think back to the woman who was cautioned for leaving her 3 yr old with it's 13 yr sibling! This is way worse.

Yes, the OP should have got out car and walked but the teacher didn't know why they were late - they could have been in an accident for all she knew. she didn't even call to find out.

And what if the OP hadn't got phone reception? She couldn't have rang then.

The teacher obviously doesn't give a toss about the kids or she would have looked after them or at the very least, left them in the class room/in the staff room etc.

I would complain in writing to the language company and ask for a formal reply.

She was neglecting the children.
School teachers aren't allowed to just leave the chidlren outside school is a parent doesn't show up.

violethill I have explained what I would do

I don't thnk that leaving a 7 & 8 yo alone in a playgorund for 10 mins is that bad, either, in terms of actual risk, but the problem with it in this case would be that if the teacher came back and the kids weren't there, she would have had no idea whether they had been abducted by aliens (or worse) run off with the circus or finally been collected by their parents.

exactly Blu - good point

OP - I hope, when you had that evening chat with your daughter, and explained to her that she was in no way at fault, you also told her that you hadn't bothered to phone up. Because tbh, that would probably be the first question any sensible 8 year old would ask:"Did you phone and tell the tutor what was happening?"
And I hope, when she asked that, you didn't lie, and try to cover your tracks, but just admitted up front that no, you didn't bother.

You should have phoned.

The tutor shouldn't have left 2 small children alone.

The tutor shouldn't have told your child to lie.

You are being OTT to ask for her to be sacked, or rather, ask if it makes you feel better but you have no influence.

What i don't understand is why OP has not called another parent

In our community language school we are all involve with the school and have each other's number so if i was late i would call another parent instead of deprive the teacher her lunch break. After all these schools serve another purpose aswell which is meeting other expats and there is usually a bond, trust and support.
So, OP, maybe after this experience instead of getting mad at the teacher you could try to get to know the other parents and invite one or two children for 'playdate' ?

If it had been a normal school and the children were left on their own outside then yes the OP would still BU but so would the school.

This is not a normal school, it is a free language class on a weekend.

How far should the teacher of that free class be expected to go?

Whether she is married or not, has DC or not or how old she is does not mean she doesn't have other commitments that she may have needed to go to.

If she is repsonsible for children under the age of 18, think you'll find that it does matter. she will have had to have had a CRB check; what would have been the point if she was merely going to let the kids stand on the pavement until their parents arrived?

There would still have to be a risk assessment etc carried out and she would have to abide by child protection laws - end of.

"I would class it as an emergency situation - call the parents, emereny contact, whoever was responsible for my DCs, and then SS - as you say my DCs would be equally as important."

I will remember next time I'm looking after a friends' children though - if she's late and I have somewhere to be they can stand on the street until I arrive

Is it just a language class or a community school thu Auntie? Ours is run like a proper school but i cant work out from reading the op what it is.

I would be very pissed off!
mumsnet is an odd place, the tone of the first page seems to affect how a lot of the masses respond. Yes you should have rung but she shouldn't have left them, she should have rung you. Was she back then when your dh and you did get there?

YANBU
Why weren't the 2 of them inside, eg the empty classroom/ corridoor ?

Don't get the flaming.

Wait a minute -- it's a full moon.

Still shocked at how many people think leaving little ones unattended is ok.

We dont get a class list, so i do not have other parents' details. As for it being some free class, its run by the consulate as a education/cultural programme to encourage natives of that country to learn more about their heritage etc.

As for implying that I would lie to my dd

Disagreeing with a point of view is one thing but attacking my parenting skills is outrageous. My dc's are lovely children and come from a loving home.

livid - you have brought this flaming on yourself by the title of your thread 'wanting to get this teacher fired'.

If you had asked whether it was unreasonable to be annoyed that a teacher had (according to your 7yr old) left your child without any adult supervision for 15 mins, then I am sure the vast majority of posters would have agreed with you.

Your problem is your automatic assumption that it is the teacher who should be fired for getting lunch, whilst it was you who was half an hour late for your child and subsequently left her without planned supervision.

If you only admitted that your initial demand for the teacher to lose her job was over the top, then I am sure you will get more sympathy.

I am not justifying the teacher at all, but, just a thought, how often has the OP (and/or other parents) been late on the pick up? OP admits half an hour is nothing to her either way so may be this isn't the first time and may be the teacher was just fed up.....still not justifying it, but, if, for example, it was my ds's after school club there would be someone with him, but I'd be getting a bill and a tongue lashing for being late....

Livid at no point on the thread do you either express regret or responsibility for your own actions, which is the simple reason hardly anyone is sympathetic.

Stop accusing posters of thinking it's fine to leave children on the street, unsupervised - no-one thinks that. What the majority appear to be in agreement about is that YOU are responsible for them therefore if anyone's at fault, it's you. The teacher looked after them for 30 mins, nipping out to get some food before her next class. Instead of being grateful and thanking her, your response is to try to get her sacked!

You just don't sound like a very nice person is all. Take some responsibity for your own kids woman.

We have never been late for this class.

The title was written in a moment of anger. Firing her seems extreme, agreed. But you tell me if it was your child left scarred wouldn't you be angry? I had found out shortly before and wanted to vent.

However even with a nights sleep, i still think she behaved appallingly and immorally. The asking my child to make up where she was to cover her tracks was immoral. Leaving two children unsupervised was negligent in my view. This is not the type of person i expect to be teaching children.

Then why didn't your DH call her on her telling dd to lie?