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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting to get this teacher fired

690 replies

lividbeyondbelief · 19/02/2011 23:08

My dd attends a language class on saturday mornings in central london. This week due to horrible traffic we were 30 minutes late to collect her. We tried texting her teacher to say we were stuck in traffic but never got a reply. Anyway to make a long story short - she left my dd outside the school, alone with another boy, whilst she went out to go buy lunch. To make matters worse she told her to lie to us and say she was in the room next door if we asked where the teacher was when we collected our dd.

Our daughter was really upset and cried whilst being outside alone with this boy. My dh noticed she had been crying but the teacher just dismissed it, saying to dh she cried because he was late.

Obviously the bond of trust is broken and she wont be going back ever again. My question is what else should we do?

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 20/02/2011 13:34

I think you need to have a conversation with her about what actually happened, and work out a plan for what would happen next time you're late.

It's not good if she lied, but you need to get to the bottom of this whole story.

PedlarsSpanner · 20/02/2011 13:35

no

you were wrong to be late and not ring

and you are blaming your culture for your laxity

a big fat hmm from me

HTH

Laquitar · 20/02/2011 13:35

'30 minutes doesn't actually seem that long to us' Hmm

Are you serious?? (and i come from south europe btw) 30 minutes its a lot when this is your lunch break.

You cant pick and mix 'cultural traits'. So you choose to keep the bad time-keeping from your culture but not the lax attidute toward releasing 8 years old alone?

phooey · 20/02/2011 13:36

I don't understand, OP:

You think 30 mins isn't that long to be late, and use your 'culture' as an excuse.

However you are livid at someone not looking after your child for free for this time?

JaneS · 20/02/2011 13:36

Grin Great minds because!

A conversation also might make the teacher realise that her behaviour was at the very least, thoughtless and unkind, if she's left a little girl feeling abandoned and at fault, which it seems she has.

Blu · 20/02/2011 13:37

"You made a judgement call based on your culture, opinions and feelings."

I don't see that this has happened. Can you imagine the uproar if a ballet teacher left a 7 yo standing outside the hall if a parent was 30 mins late? Primary schools don't turn children out onto the stret when a parent is even an hour late. they cll SS because the primary aim is the safety of the child.

I think the OP has taken stick for her over-vehement calls for the sacking of the teacher.

Actually, there should be more than one adult ion the premises for group activities like this.

Original poster
lividbeyondbelief · 20/02/2011 13:37

If she was so confident in her judgement call then why feel the need to ask children to lie about it?

Zone 2 is lovely in some bits, but downright intimidating in other parts.

OP posts:
MCos · 20/02/2011 13:38

"Clearly our culture is more lax with timekeeping than the english. 30 minutes doesnt actually seem that late to us"
30 mins is VERY VERY VERY late - for picking up your kids.

"I there had been a place to pull over then of course we would have."
Couldn't you have taken the wheel? and let your husband run to collect your child?

I think teacher should have waited. But didn't sound like you were very othered about being late until you realised that dc was left on their own for a while.

MCos · 20/02/2011 13:39

meant to say; very bothered

Violethill · 20/02/2011 13:39

"You cant pick and mix 'cultural traits'."

Spot on, Laquitar.

OP - stop trying to pin the entire responsibility onto someone else, while excusing your own poor parenting (failing to be on time, or even phone ahead) as a cultural trait.

Also - if lax timekeeping is your cultural norm, why was your dd crying and upset about you being late? Surely she's used to people being up to half an hour late because to your family, its no big deal?

Your story is full of inconsistencies

BecauseImWorthIt · 20/02/2011 13:40

livid - do you accept any responsibility for this understanding? Do you get why people here are telling you that YABU to want to get her fired?

It might be helpful if you could shed some light on the organsation behind the language class, because it sounds like it's a bit dodgy. Are there any risk assessments? Do they have a strategy or set of policies in place for this kind of occasion? Was there anyone else on the premises?

phooey · 20/02/2011 13:41

It wasn't on the street folks, it was in the playground behind gates. And the teacher was there for the majority of the time - it's only from OP's dd that we know she did get herself some lunch, which I reckon was probably 5 mins but OP insists on 15. And the tears would almost certainly be because she had no idea when her mum was going to arrive - she hasn't been taught that her 'culture' means it's ok for her mum to be 30 mins late with no call Hmm

JaneS · 20/02/2011 13:41

livid, please can you tell us more about this lying? It is really hard to know what the situation is and such a wide range of different situations could be covered by your description.

BecauseImWorthIt · 20/02/2011 13:42

Sorry - misunderstanding, clearly!

Original poster
lividbeyondbelief · 20/02/2011 13:45

I have explained i don't drive several times.

I have reassured my dd she is not in trouble for telling us what happened. Nor will she have to be left alone with this teacher again.

what the outcome of this will be, only time will tell. However at the very least this teacher should get a verbal warning and the school should set up some contigency policy for these occurences.

As parents i am shocked that people seem to expect so little in terms of ethics from their educators!!

OP posts:
rookiemater · 20/02/2011 13:45

I feel sorry for the teacher in this. Some people are saying that if she can't survive without food then it is her responsibility to bring it with her. I could not work a whole day without lunch, I get low blood sugar and sometimes pass out, but if I bring snacks I invariably eat them which doesn't help my weight, therefore I prefer to either bring a pack lunch or buy something from the canteen.

The teacher thought she had a break in which to buy her food therefore no requirement for bringing in a pack lunch.

It was not her fault that the OP was not there to pick up her own child in time. I'm not sure about the whole leaving the child thing, some 8 year olds are very responsable, some are not.

Blu · 20/02/2011 13:46

However badly the parents behave re lateness, whatever the prssures on the teacher, it isn't OK to leave children unaccompanied. Even behind the playground gates. No reputable educational or social project for children would deem this acceptable.

There are NUMEROUS threads on MN about why 7 yos should not be left in thier own homes in a decsion made by thier own parents.

The teacher should have taken the children with her to buy her lunch.

I sympathise with the frustration of adults who have to cope with late parents, but that is one of the occupational hazards of undertaking such work.

All this 'cultural' stuff is irrlevant, unless the OP really thought 30 mins was ok, in which case she can learn pretty quickly by being told that her child will be barred fo the activity - as happens with after-school clubs.

JaneS · 20/02/2011 13:48

Agree, livid - I really hope the school sets up a proper policy. Is the teacher even CRB checked (not that it has a bearing on her actions, but I'm wondering how 'official' her status is).

And the lying issue?

JaneS · 20/02/2011 13:49

Shock at Blu.

You seriously think it'd be appropriate for a tutor - without the legal responsibility of a qualified teacher - to take two children away from where their parents expect them to be?!

I am pretty sure you could get in a whole heap of trouble for that.

Psammead · 20/02/2011 13:50

Teacher should have stayed put, or taken the kids with her.

And then used her discretion to decide on whether the OP's child should be allowed to continue attending.

Psammead · 20/02/2011 13:51

LittleRedDragon - she could have left a note.

Ormirian · 20/02/2011 13:52

Just want to say that 30mins is very very late! For anything but particularly for picking up your child with no explanation or warning given.

Ormirian · 20/02/2011 13:54

I imagine the teacher has a short period in which to have her lunch. You deprived her of half an hour of that. You don't think that is unreasonable at all then?

A2363 · 20/02/2011 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laquitar · 20/02/2011 13:57

Blu then the teacher would have been accused of ....kidnaping children.