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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wanting to get this teacher fired

690 replies

lividbeyondbelief · 19/02/2011 23:08

My dd attends a language class on saturday mornings in central london. This week due to horrible traffic we were 30 minutes late to collect her. We tried texting her teacher to say we were stuck in traffic but never got a reply. Anyway to make a long story short - she left my dd outside the school, alone with another boy, whilst she went out to go buy lunch. To make matters worse she told her to lie to us and say she was in the room next door if we asked where the teacher was when we collected our dd.

Our daughter was really upset and cried whilst being outside alone with this boy. My dh noticed she had been crying but the teacher just dismissed it, saying to dh she cried because he was late.

Obviously the bond of trust is broken and she wont be going back ever again. My question is what else should we do?

OP posts:
seeker · 20/02/2011 10:50

I knop - it's difficult. But the fact remains that small children can't be left alone. So the teacher would have had to do something with them. Take them with her, leave them with a caretaker or something. Regardless of why the parents were late, somebody had to look after those two children.

I actually think that in this case the teacher did - I'm pretty sure the "I'm going to get my lunch, tell mum and dad I'm just inside" is the most likely explanation. But the broader picture remains. The children need to be looked after until the parent arrives, and if there's no one else to do it, the teacher has to. Somehow.

Violethill · 20/02/2011 10:55

I'm confused now, Seeker.

The tutor was supposed to do something - but no one is able to explain what, exactly. There is no evidence that a caretaker, or indeed any other staff, were on site. If she had taken the children with her, no doubt the OP would be ranting about that.

The point is, for all we know, the tutor may have had other, urgent responsibilities, and simply staying with the uncollected children could have conflicted with these.

So what was she supposed to do?

LIZS · 20/02/2011 11:02

I'm with lazylula - the actual message may well have got distorted. Maybe her lunch was in her car, parked onsite, or her bag in the classroom. The children were hardly abandoned on some street corner. At worst this is a lapse of judgement.

magentadreamer · 20/02/2011 11:04

Both parties IMHO are in the wrong. The OP should have rang the teacher and the teacher should have rung the OP to find out where they were. Why the Op couldn't have parked up and got her DH to run to the school I'm not too sure. I would be furious if my DD had been left outside at that age but I would have rang the teacher not sent a text as you can never be sure whether a text has been recieved.

risingstar · 20/02/2011 11:07

hands up havent read beyond the first few pages of blaming the OP.

however, sorry but the school/language college/whatever should have without a doubt have a written rule that children are not left in the street anywhere without a adult being present.

on arrival, the OP and the other parents (of the boy) should have apologised and offered to pay for the additional time.

every experience i have had of the dozens of clubs that my children have gone to over the last 15 years, never once have i heard of a situation where a child/children were left unsupervised in the street. there are always a written guideline of what will happen if the parents do not arrive- usually roughly that the child will not be left but there will be some sort of penalty charge.

If this has happened, then OP you must tell the school. what if the child at 8 had decided to try and cross a road to go and look for parents or something

no doubt the experience has enabled the OP to realise that a few minutes away by car is not always reliable especially in the circs described.

lockets · 20/02/2011 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 20/02/2011 11:19

I don;t know, violethill. But I do know that an adult should not leave a child of this age alone.

Imagine for a moment that they children concerned were 5. Or even younger. Would you still say that a teacher would be right to leave them alone?

Rindercella · 20/02/2011 11:20

OP Yabu. You were late to pick up your child. You should have called to ensure the teacher was aware and she was ok to care for your DD until you got there. You were, IMO, very remiss not to have ensured your child was adequately supervised. Surely you knew well before the time you were meant to be collecting her that you were going to be late and then called ahead?

The OP asked if she was BU. Just because 90% of the responses have been a resounding YES! Does not mean that she is being bullied. It means that people arethinking the op is unreasonable based on the information she has provided. I think the op has actually been very selective in the answers she has given and that is why some people are still questioning her on some specifics.

Violethill · 20/02/2011 11:21

But you refuse to explain what you would do, seeker! So why do you expect the tutor to have had all the answers?!

seeker · 20/02/2011 11:28

I'm not refusing to explain - I don't know!

I do know that you can't leave little children alone, though, and if I was in this situation I would have some sort of contingency plan. Particularly if I knew I had some unbreakable appointment shortly after my class finished.

In fact I find it hard to believe that anyone in this position wouldn't have some sort of emergency plan.

frasersmummy · 20/02/2011 11:41

I have done brownies for years and I can tell you there is NO WAY you leave an 8 year old outside no matter how late the parents are

I agree the op should have called the tutor but it cuts both ways. Why didnt the tutor call the op (she says tutor has emergency contact nos) and ask where she was

I appreciate 30 mins is a long time to be late but all the more reason for the tutor to be concerned and try to make some sort of contact before leaving the kids unattended

Paid or not paid once you hand over your child to someone else they have responsibilty to keep that child safe till they are handed back to a responsible adult

Violethill · 20/02/2011 11:44

I suspect the tutor didn't know either then, seeker.

I also think that its pointless for all of us, many of us with years of parenting experience behind us, to speculate on what we might/might not have done. The tutor is young, possibly childless, and may well have had minimal training as this is clearly some kind of tutoring arrangement rather than teaching.

Anyway, its the parents who should have had a contingency plan.

seeker · 20/02/2011 12:02

But you don't have to have children or not be young or whatever to know that you can't leave small children alone!

The parents were unavoidably detained. It happens. It's the teacher's responsibility. It's no point saying that the parents should have had a plan. Maybe they should - but they didn't. And you can't leave children alone.

So the parents screwed up - but so did the teacher. And if she really did leave them alone, I just don;t see why people are making excuses for her!

frasersmummy · 20/02/2011 12:04

I'm with you seeker...

You hand your child over you expect them to be safe whether you are late or not

You dont leave small kids outside alone .. under any circumstances

Violethill · 20/02/2011 12:07

She isn't a teacher!! She is a tutor, paid for a specific language lesson, who may well have had other important responsibilities when her lesson time was up!

This is getting a little tedious now....

And I still don't get why the OP does not want to take a single bit of responsibility for her mess up!

EleanorJosie · 20/02/2011 12:08

You don't have to park up if you are in stationary traffic and someone else is driving though, you just get out (carefully) and leg it to the school- that's the bit I don't get, though I think the teacher has shown poor judgement too.

OutOutLetItAllOut · 20/02/2011 12:11

Where is the proof that the tutor went anywhere?

princessparty · 20/02/2011 12:12

HMM I would be suspicious your DD isn't telling you the whole truth about all this.You don't think the teacher could have gone to the toilet or something.Your DD is worried about why you're not there top collect her and popped outside to look for you.Teacher has caught them outside and given them a right bollocking, hence your DD crying?

JohannaM · 20/02/2011 12:15

Violethill: Victim society! Everybody's at fault except me!

The teacher should have had more sense and left both kids in the school reception area inside the building or asked another tutor/teacher to let them sit in on their language lesson to wait until both sets of parents arrived but I don't think it's a sacking offence!

QuickLookBusy · 20/02/2011 12:16

Violethill-I don't think the fact she isn't a teacher is at all relevant.

Does you think anyone who isn't a teacher should just abandon a child if the parents are late-a child minder, an after school club assistant, a parent having a child over to play. Should they all just put the child outside on the street if the parent is late?

QuickLookBusy · 20/02/2011 12:17

sorry "Do you think"

Violethill · 20/02/2011 12:17

JM - its unclear if any other adult was in the building.

caughtinanet · 20/02/2011 12:22

elenorjosie - the OP explained upthread that health problems mean that she couldn't get out and walk and that she can't drive so couldn't swop with her DH either

agedknees · 20/02/2011 12:22

Think both parties are at fault here.

The OP for not collecting her dd on time.

The tutor for not ensuring the children were kept safe.

So YABU for wanting to get the teacher fired. Should the teacher want you fired as a parent for not turning up in time.

I think you need to ensure next time you are in time to pick up your dd.

princessparty · 20/02/2011 12:22

She didn't abandon them -she (possibly) left them attended for 10 minutes.
perhaps the teacher comes from a country where a 7 and 8 yo are not so infantile that they can't be left for 10 minutes?

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