Wanting to get this teacher fired

[lividbeyondbelief]

My dd attends a language class on saturday mornings in central london. This week due to horrible traffic we were 30 minutes late to collect her. We tried texting her teacher to say we were stuck in traffic but never got a reply. Anyway to make a long story short - she left my dd outside the school, alone with another boy, whilst she went out to go buy lunch. To make matters worse she told her to lie to us and say she was in the room next door if we asked where the teacher was when we collected our dd.

Our daughter was really upset and cried whilst being outside alone with this boy. My dh noticed she had been crying but the teacher just dismissed it, saying to dh she cried because he was late.

Obviously the bond of trust is broken and she wont be going back ever again. My question is what else should we do?

OP - Can you please clarify the lying issue?

I think YABU to want this tutor sacked. You would be well within your rights to kick up a fuss with the charity / organisation who run the class, but for someone to lose their livelihood (and as someone else pointed out, is most likely poorly paid) over something they may well have not been trained for.

BUT:
*You should have phoned
*You should have left the cafe in good time (ie, not 5 mins before the class ended because it is only 2 minutes away).
*You should not go on the word of a 7 year old. You should speak to the adult involved and make an informed decision.
*You have health issues - you should be more understanding that perhaps this tutor also has them.
*You haven't considered that the tutor (in unpaid time) may have gone to her car to get her lunch out, or may live 3 doors away and nipped back to get food. It may have been in the staffroom fridge on the other side of the building (London schools can be pretty enormous).

gapbear - she has told you where the teacher had to go to get her lunch - 2 roads away.

No - she said the nearest place to buy food was two roads away, not that that was where the tutor went.

The OP has ASSUMED that the tutor went two roads away to buy lunch. She doesn't know this as a fact at all.

Livid has not been inconsistent, neither has she 'drip fed' - she has just answered questions as they came up.

An adult left two young children, unsupervised, in an unfamiliar environment, in a public place so she could get some lunch (and seemingly told them to lie about it) and there are parents here defending her - beggars belief. I doubt you'd be so happy if it was your small child.

... and don't say you'd never be late - the OP hadn't until yesterday, you just never know.

Livid should have rung, not just sent a text - granted.

Imo it's an unfortunate set of circumstances. The tutor may well have been young and childless. I know prechildren it would never have occured to me it wasnt okay to leave children of this age alone for 10 minutes as I was often left alone at this age myself.
Parents can be late; it happens. OP should have telephoned. I dont get why you'd rely on a text for this but it happened.
It's a reminder to the op that when leaving a child for this type of thing, you can never be late as it is not school.

Livid has been totally inconsistent. And we still don't know for certain that the tutor went two streets away to buy lunch. She may have told the children she was in the next room because that's exactly where she was!!

Livid

I have not read the whole thread, just your parts of it.

a) Asking a child to lie is WRONG

b) You did not plan to be late.

c) you trusted ( as would I ) that your DD was safe in the care of another ADULT.

the fact that you went for a coffee etc is irrelevant to the situation, what if you had been involved in a car accident, and you and yoru Dh ( god forbit) were knocked unconcious ? Same result (late for DD)

I do not know why you going for a coffee and getting stuck in traffic is seen as poor parenting , you didn't plan it.. you would not have "planned" a car accident but the outcome would be the same.

No one said going for a coffee is bad parenting.

Not being arsed to make a phone call to inform someone that you are late, and to reassure your child, is incredibly poor parenting.

Not sure why the DH could not have left the OP in the car and walked to pick the child up before returning to the car to drive on.

Considering the kids are junior age I think YABU. Did you not get any kind of contract stating what would happen if you were late picking up? Personally if I was the teacher I would have stayed - if at all possible - or attempted to contact you but I don't think it's a sacking offence. Either have a word with the teacher or pull them out of the class if you're not happy.

Some of the responses here are well OTT.

OP... The only question in my mind is whether you didn't ring the teacher because you KNEW you were stuck in traffic/unable to get there within a few minutes and you thought she'd be angry with you?

I can understand how these things can happen, it was the first time you've been late but, your DH could have parked up somewhere and gone to get your DD as soon as you were aware of the time passing. You could have stayed in the car.

If you're just venting, fine, but don't go any further with trying to get the teacher sacked, nothing good will come of it.

Puts this behind you, resolve to make contingency plans for 'just in case' for the future and enjoy your Sunday with your family. :)

I think for many of us, the 'poor parenting' issue is about the whole tone of the OP, rather than the specific issue of getting stuck in traffic.

At no point has the OP shown any ability to reflect on the events of yesterday morning, and to accept that maybe - just maybe - she and her DH have some role to play in being responsible. The whole thread, from the aggressive tone of the title - wanting someone else to lose their livelihood because of your own mess up - to the refusal to accept that they could have made different choices - phoned up, left the car and walked etc - suggests someone who just wants to off load responsibility onto others.

That's the over riding tone of this thread. Not a parent who is upset and angry with themself for allowing a situation to arise where their child was left alone, and not bothering to phone to explain. But a parent who is lashing out because she won't take any responsibility for her actions (or inaction, regarding phoning).

Yes, we can all make mistakes. But surely part of being a responsible parent is to reflect on them and learn from them. Not simply blame other people.

Did your daughter actually see the teacher leave the premises or has she misunderstood what the teacher said and that she was simply going into a different room to get her lunch. Did she actually tell her I am going out but if your parents ask say I was here all the time ?

I also don't think it's a good idea to assume that the teacher will wait with the kids. I would have wanted to find out what happens re lateness before the kids started the lessons.

I have read most of the thread and am wondering if I have missed a post by the OP stating EXACTLY what the child said? Perhaps what the teacher said was 'I am just going to get my lunch, tell mummy or daddy I am in the classroom if they return before I get back.' A seven year old child could intepret 'I am going to get my lunch' as she is going to the shop to get her lunch, making the 'tell mummy and daddy I am in the classroom' as a lie. Perhaps the OP could clarify what the daughter said. Plus being left in a playground may not be good form, but it is NOT the same as being left on the street. I do have to say, it was wrong of the parent to rely on a text in such circumstances, at least speaking to some one you know they have the message and less room for any lack of communication.

I'm puzzled byt the "asked to lie" bit.

I'd like to know exactly what the teacher said. Is it possible that she left the two children in the playground and said "I'm going to get my lunch - when your parents arrive, tell them I'm just inside". Could this sound as if she was asking the child to lie when it actually meant she was going to get her lunch from her bag which was just inside, rather than from the shop two blocks away?

It sounds like a massive misunderstanding to me.

However, if the teacher did leave the children alone then she shouldn't have - regardless of her legal obligations, medical condition, professional standing or level of understandable pissed offness!

Just read this thread after seeing one about posters being bullied on MN and this is a prime example of it as I see it.

The OP hasn't been inconsistent, she just didn't type an essay for her first post.

I don't live in London or even a large city but last week there was a totally unexpected incident which caused traffic gridlock for the best part of a day. No one could have predicted it and no one who dropped off a child and was late picking them up could possibly have been irresponsible in anyway.

Traffic problems happen, 2 hours is a long time to sit outside an activity- why would parents do that ?

Yes, the OP should have called rather than texted and yes, I think its entirely reasonable to discuss the issue with the provider of the class to find out the proper precedure. Sacking is a step too far at this stage but being lived is justified.

OP - is English your first language? I ask because your posts are very brief and I think maybe you would have had an easier ride if you could explain things more fully.

Nice

You were late, I am fairly sure that contributed to your DD's crying. The teacher made an error of judgement. Talk to her boss if you wish but FFS don't try to get her fired. That's just vindictive.

The only fact of interest here is the following:

You were 30 minutes late to pick up your dd from a language class.

Your child, your responsibility. You should not have been so far away that this was even possible.

It's not, you know. It's whether or not (if she did - and I have my doubts!) the teacher should have left these two children alone.

Say that the op and her dp were actually in a car crash ratehr than a traffic jsm on theri way to pick the child up. Would you still be saying it was her fault?

So what happens if the tutor has other responsibilities of equal importance? We don't know that she was just going two streets away to get lunch. (And I am also sceptical about the accuracy of this!!)
What if she had to pick up her own child and drop them home/deliver them somewhere? What if she had an elderly parent living along the road and needed to attend to them?

I just don't get this idea that it is always the other adults responsibility, regardless of whether remaining with the OP's child would have meant possibly jeapardising the well being of the tutor's own children.

This is not a school situation, remember, where the legal status of in loco parentis applies, and where there will be other people on site and a designated member of staff with responsibility for child protection. It is clearly a totally different arrangement; one adult, who probably isn't even a qualified teacher, and who is no doubt paid an hourly rate to deliver a language class. Its quite possible that the tutor herself is only able to be on the premises for the time slots booked for classes.