AIBU to think perhaps people should be looking after their children instead of arguing with strangers on the internet?

[youareallgoingtoshoutatme]

Firstly, I fully expect you all to flame me - feel free.
Secondly, I am aware of the obvious contradiction in suggesting that people should have better things to do than be on MN, when I am clearly on MN in order to type this, so please try to resist the urge to endlessly point this out.

I am name changing for this, but this is the second time I have been on MN since my daughter was born 5 months ago.

I used to come on MN quite a lot. It was helpful when I was pregnant and constantly obsessing about childbirth and pregnancy in general. I also think it is probably a really useful source of support for things like feeding, sleeping, special needs etc.

However, now that my baby is here, I find that I have more than enough to do looking after her and trying to keep up with everything else in my life.

I am amazed at the number of people who seem to have a number of children, and yet have time to argue prolifically with total strangers over the internet about their useless husbands/annoying children/vile mother in law/tedious customer service complaints at the supermarket, etc etc etc.

Seriously? Have you nothing better to do?If you have children, I find it hard to believe that you don't!!

I don't have any children so I can do what the fuck I like.

(only read OP)

Carminaburana - I can't speak for anyone else, but when I am on the net I am still just as 'present' and available as I am when watching tv. You won't be able to tell from my posts the number of times I turn away from them, or stop completely in the middle of them, to talk to one of the dses or dh, or to go and do something that needs doing.

The pc is not shut away in a little room away from the rest of the household - I sit right by the hall, so I see everyone that goes through the house, and I talk to them whenever they go past.

Gorgeous - fair point about the insomnia, though it is part of my depression, and I feel it relates more to that than to lack of exercise. You are probably going to say that the walk would help the depression too, and I wish that were true, but it doesn't seem to help me. Am I still moronic, btw?

Right - I am off out now - I am going to spend time away from the pc at my knitting group. There will be coffee and cake, and maybe even a bacon roll, though not too much fresh air.

I knew a family years ago where Mum and dad were alternating childcare between them and managing internet romances and where S had to step in after one of the kids burned themselves playing unnoticed with matches in the agrden.

OTOH without MN at the moment I would be begging for vallum I think as things are not good here for reasons outside my control.

So I would say if it starts to take over your life pack it in, and look after yourself not tell everyone else what to do. Everybody is different.

But isn't MN just a total waste of life sometimes?

I enjoy it but I am here too much. I don't think I would be interacting more with my ds if I was on here less (having given it some thought following a recent, similar thread). I just wonder, sometimes, if I wouldn't be better off doing other "timewasting" things that would be more productive e.g. knitting, painting, even watching TV (as I would have more to chat about in the staffroom).

It's a bit antisocial, while feeling quite social, I suppose. I feel I get a lot out of MN "socially" but hey, it's a bunch of anonymous cyberfairies and here I am one too.

I could ring an old friend, but instead I bunfight on here. It seems a bit navel-gazing sometimes. I've learned lots of useful things and again, I do enjoy it.. but I must learn some degree of moderation!

Ah do you know what, the time management comments to the OP aren't really fair. She's being judgemental admittedly, but I'm feeling generous. Five months was a real low point for me. All the relative help had dried up and DD went through a phase of never napping unless it was post-feed and on my chest. The housework mushroomed and I was exhausted.

Now she's older, naps properly, and plays with her kitchen while I do the washing up. If I didn't have a slipped disc I'd be Flylady herself

Actually carmina i find it much easier to dip in and out of the internet than i do a film or a book. I am TERRIBLE for ignoring people if I am engrossed in a film (DH has to repeat my name several times to get my attention) But everyone is different aren't they? I think what I am saying (which for some reason people seem unwilling to admit) is that as if you don't know someone elses circumstance you don't have the right to make assumptions, especially if you are accusing them of being a bad parent!

For my part, the only reason I am here a lot at the moment is that I am pregnant with firstborn, not working full time and this week staying with my Dad while my Mum is on holiday so I am going to be prolific as there is very little else to do, especially in the evening. It doesn't make me a moron. I am sure it is likely I will disappear off the face of the internet in June when the baby is born. But I would never say someone was in the wrong if they manage to work a computer with one hand while feed their baby with the other, for example. If thats what they want to do, thats up to them.

I do agree with blueshoes comment about everything in moderation though.

"The pc is not shut away in a little room away from the rest of the household - I sit right by the hall, so I see everyone that goes through the house, and I talk to them whenever they go past."

You see, this troubles me more at the moment SDTG. I sit in the front room but I don't think I am truly available and I think this is somehow more infuriating than if I were upstairs hidden away. I think I am half there, at best.

Dh spends time telling me to go out but is quite intolerant of my MN time because I am (at least partially) there in body but not in mind. I get cross with this - can't I choose what to do with my own leisure time? However, I can see his point in truth.. if I go out with my friends and come back and tell him how I've got on, it's more "real" and there's usually considerably less Shock and Outrage etc.. there's more face to face interaction. Sometimes I wonder if I use here to avoid that when I'm down..

SDTG If you are suffering from depression I certainly would not want to add to that.

I imagine depression is a very very difficult state of mind to get out of.

I do truly believe, however, that posting on forums will not help, and, if anything, could sink you into a deeper depression.

Even though there may be times when you are 'lifted' by posts it is absolutely a solitary 'world' and a totally self-absorbing 'world'.

Actually you are wrong gorgeousx I suffer with bad depression amongst other things and talking to somebody on here actually convinced me to take the advice of my doctor and go into hospital.

'I just wonder, sometimes, if I wouldn't be better off doing other "timewasting" things that would be more productive e.g. knitting, painting, even watching TV (as I would have more to chat about in the staffroom).'

I have to say I do wonder this too working - but here I am posting on MN about it
Seriously though, sometimes I do think my spare time could be better spent. It isn't about neglecting DS - I mostly MN when he's in bed - but about doing other stuff that might be more fulfilling in the long run. But OTOH I find MN relaxing (mostly), and helpful, so maybe not...

I'll be popping over to your 1st March thread this week - I'm starting to feel the panic

Gorgeousx - I come here because I can interact with actual people, have intelligent conversations, read things that make me laugh, and get advice if I need it.

I used to have a circle of friends and we all had the habit of dropping in on eachother for coffee, and as my house was fairly central to the group, it was most often my house - so barely a day would go by without someone coming round for coffee and a gossip.

But I lost that group when we moved from Essex to Scotland (they just don't drop in any more....), and as the boys were older when we moved, I was neither wanted nor needed at the school gates (which I've found in the past to be a wonderful place to meet people and make friendships). Added to that the fact that people are a bit more formal up here, and tend to wait for an invitation rather than just knocking on the door and asking if the kettle is on, plus the fact that most of my neighbours work, has meant that some days I don't see another adult from the beginning of the day until dh comes home, unless I go out and find them.

I do go to do social things - knitting group today, choir tonight, art class, but depression saps your energy and motivation, and that is all I can manage to do - so if I didn't have mumsnet and facebook, I would feel utterly alone and lonely.

Aaawwww STFG. Fancy meeting up some time? :) (my New Year's resolution - be more sociable and go out and actively try to make new friends! I even sent a card into the school to pass on to a kid-in-ds'-class's mum to see if she fancied meeting up for coffee )

I only MN if I'm at work (I have a job that involves a lot of computer, and a lot of self-directed writing) or my daughter is in bed. I'm very anti-computer use when she's awake, because it sucks me in; oh, I'll just look up the weather...I wonder if anyone's responded on my Facebook status? Oooh, look, there's a contentious MN thread...what? Sorry, have you all had lunch without me?

It's to do with what gorgeous said, about being there in body and not mind. If I could ban computers from the household during Toddler Awake Time I would, because I have forsworn them for this reason and I'm sick of watching my two year old try and get her Dad's attention while he browses...Daddy dwaw elfant? Daddy? DADDY? ELFANT PEASE! And I'm all, come on, she's asking for a picture of an elephant, you will regret these lost moments later.

So, internet only during toddler-free times.

But that's still an awful lot of time to MN should I be so inclined. And I run a high-maintenance household (rainwater tanks, vegetable garden, wood fire) fairly competently as well as raising my daughter about as well as one could possibly raise any child. If I do say so myself, and I do.

I'd love to, prettybird!

Well I've come back to this as having spent the whole afternoon yesterday out with DS and this morning at hospital with him and then library for him - I've realised I've been neglecting my MN duties

He is playing in his room and I'm cooking lunch atm.

You make a very good point, mumbar. We have a responsibility to give others the benefit of our wisdom.

SDTG It seems that you were suddenly removed from a very fun, full and active social environment which you played a central part of, to sudden isolation many many miles away, so I'm not surprised you're depressed.

Insomnia can only deepen your depression by making you tearful and emotional, and as you say, you are drained of energy. I completely understand why you would use these sites; do you think if these sites didn't exist you might force yourself to go out more during the day?

You have taken the view that you need MN, because you are lonely, but if MN didn't exist you wouldn't have this 'crutch', and I'm not convinced that it's a good thing, in the long run, because I think it may be stopping you from doing more RL stuff during the day.

I don't pretend to know the answer, just surmising.

Jajas Yes, it is very difficult in the winter.

Gorgeous and Jajas - thankyou for your concern and kindness, and apologies for having hijacked the thread with my sob story.

I have had the depression since I was a teenager, though it has come and gone over the years, so I know that during a bout of depression I tend to retreat and stay at home because it feels safer, and when there wasn't the internet (yes, I am that old - lol), I stayed at home and watched tv or read books - both forms of escapism. In some ways I think mumsnet is better because it does involve actual interaction with people.

Things are definitely getting better, though - I am so lucky that the area we moved to has excellent provision for the treatment of depression, and I am in longterm psychotherapy - and it is working!! I am so much better than I have been, and I think it does show in that I am going out and about more than I did even a year ago.

Mind you - when I go out, the dog shreds whatever she can get her paws on, which does sometimes tempt me to think that staying in is better - well, involves less vacuuming anyhow!

SDTG maybe the dog could do with some obedience training? be good for her and a great way to meet people. Glad to hear you are making head way with the depression, my dad has been suffering for 18 months now and isn't getting better. I keep telling to go for private psychotherapy if the NHS wont sort it. All they seem interested in doing is giving him more of the drugs that don't seem to be working at all. :( its heart breaking.

That's a good idea, rocketleaf - she has had one course already, but if I found some that were during the day, that would get me out and meeting people too. Plus fresh air and exercise!