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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Benefit Bashing

823 replies

Kendodd · 18/02/2011 16:40

A mum I know and her DP with two children live in a two bed (nice) HA house. Neither of them work and have not worked for as long as I've known them (two years) I don't know about before then. She has told me they are trying for another baby, not to get a bigger house or anything, just because they want four children eventally. I would love four children but can't have that many because for one we just can't afford four.

AIBU to feel a bit pissed off that they can have more children and I can't or am I just a jealous benefit basher.

ps They are both nice and don't have a flatscreen TV.

OP posts:
ScramVonChubby · 18/02/2011 17:38

What MillyR said sort of happened to us-w e ahd the child hen lost a lot, but redundancy: very few people are going to be able to protect much against that

WRt to social housing anyome can apply but these days it's pretty rare to get to the top of list without serious issues- where I am 30000 people are on the list, mainly due to local industry collapsing. As a family with a couple of disabled kids we'd go to top but even then would take a while.

'"but would you rather be on benefits and have the stigma that always comes with it"

Yes, a lot of the time I most definitely would. At least I could get my tooth fixed then.
'

Really? no nhs dentists here. Varies though.

Personally even as a working family on a very low income so needing top ups, benegits living is shit. A mix of guilt, shame and helplessness. Panic attacks common. Self loathing constant. And that's as a carer rather than on JSA.

BooyFuckingHoo · 18/02/2011 17:39

well kendodd, if that is what you want, make it happen. you only have to wait 13 weeks from when you resign before you are entitled to apply for JSA, then you will be one of those people who chose not to work that you are now jealous of.

mrsscoob · 18/02/2011 17:43

They won't have more money than you. I don't know where this comes from that people who don't work have more money than people that do. When people on income support go back to work they get working tax credits so whilst still claiming a form of benefit they get more money than they would do if they were to stay at home and not work, then the more people earn the less tax credits they are entitled too. Its not rocket science and I really really can't understand why people cant understand this concept!!!

So in answer to your original post. I kind of think you are being unreasonable to be pissed off because you know if you really wanted to you could do the same as her, its just that you choose not too. However, I don't think thats a bad thing by the way, I think you are being responsible but you are being unreasonable to be jealous of your friend.

OneMoreChap · 18/02/2011 17:46

MarioandLuigi

I love Live your own life and keep your beak out of other business.

... and if it was taking at least 4 people on full time earnings tax bills to pay for them, I'm sure she would consider it none of her business.

StarlightPrincess · 18/02/2011 17:47

Why is it on here that everyone always assumes that people on JSA are always automatically looking for work? Not all of them are!

There's plenty of people who are actively not seeking work, and are happy to be layabouts FGS.

Lmao at the jealousy thing. Literally lmao!

BooyFuckingHoo · 18/02/2011 17:49

well OP has admitted she is jealous so it was an accurate guess in this case.

and there are plenty of people on JSA who ARE actively seeking work. not sure why that is such a hard concept to understand.

ScramVonChubby · 18/02/2011 17:50

Sp in order to claim JSA you ahve to show you are; now you could fake it for sure but most people are genuine I think; IS is the one where people whoa re not looking for work tend to aim. Do remember that JSA is a time linked benefit.

And that a great many who claim it do so becuase they have paid contributions.

BooyFuckingHoo · 18/02/2011 17:51

i would also know how someone literally laughs their ass off. is that physically possible?

StarlightPrincess · 18/02/2011 17:51

Yes, but the impression that I get from your posts is that you think that people actively choosing not to work is all a big myth. Which it really, really isn't. Some people are just shock horror lazy cunts.

BooyFuckingHoo · 18/02/2011 17:52

like to know

StarlightPrincess · 18/02/2011 17:52

It's an expression. Get over yourself.

usualsuspect · 18/02/2011 17:53

I could literally pmsl but not literally lmao

MillyR · 18/02/2011 17:53

If it is just an expression it isn't literal.

If someone is genuinely lazy, they would sit on benefits and not have children. Bringing up children is hard work, even if you do it badly.

curlymama · 18/02/2011 17:53

But these people aren't looking for work. Maybe one might be, but one is trying to get pregnant even though she already has children she can't afford to support. Boo, can't you see that that makes a huge difference in this case?

You may be taking it personally because you found yourself in a situation where you had to claim benefits, but that is a world apart from choosing to have more children while you are on benefits.

BooyFuckingHoo · 18/02/2011 17:53

no need to be rude starlight. it is a pet hate of mine that people use 'literally' when they couldn't possibly be 'literally' doing that thing.

and of course i am aware that tehre are people who abuse the system. your post seemed to imply that all people on JSA did so.

StarlightPrincess · 18/02/2011 17:55

You may be taking it personally because you found yourself in a situation where you had to claim benefits, but that is a world apart from choosing to have more children while you are on benefits.

Exactly. I have no issue with single parents who have been left in the lurch by a break-up, that's a circumstance which no-one can forsee.

ScramVonChubby · 18/02/2011 17:56

Of course they exist SP

Though IME there was always a back story (used to work in family support)- not an excuse but you could see what had happened IYSWIM.

And yes I read the post as most people on JSA- I don;t think that's true. A great many have given up though, admittedely of course I am Welsh Valleys area so a lot of unemployment and no real ooportunities at this time.

BooyFuckingHoo · 18/02/2011 17:56

yes curly i see that, and i personally wouldn't choose to have more children in my current circumstances. i just think it is doing OP no good at all to be resentful or jealous about it. her feelings about it wont stop it happening. it will just upset her.

MillyR · 18/02/2011 17:57

How is a realtionship breakup a situation that cannot be forseen? It happens all the time. Everybody who has children must know the odds of their relationship breaking down in the time they are bringing up children is very high.

StarlightPrincess · 18/02/2011 17:58

Well to me you were being overly pendantic, apologies if I was rude.

StarlightPrincess · 18/02/2011 17:59

How is a realtionship breakup a situation that cannot be forseen? It happens all the time. Everybody who has children must know the odds of their relationship breaking down in the time they are bringing up children is very high.

For example where the other partner fucks off without warning and pays no maintainance to the children. It does happen.

MillyR · 18/02/2011 18:02

Yes, it happens all the time. It could happen to any of us at any point. So it is hardly something that cannot be forseen.

StarlightPrincess · 18/02/2011 18:02

And also, you don't have a crystal ball before you get pregnant that tells you how your life is going to pan out.

BooyFuckingHoo · 18/02/2011 18:03

so millyR should no-one have children because there is a 50/50 chance that their partner will leave? even if they are both working and in a good financial situation? because i was in that situation and within 3 months it had all fallen apart.

StarlightPrincess · 18/02/2011 18:04

so millyR should no-one have children because there is a 50/50 chance that their partner will leave? even if they are both working and in a good financial situation? because i was in that situation and within 3 months it had all fallen apart.

Exactly. What a stupid thing to say MillyR. If that is the case than no-one should have children then...

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