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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to answer the door or phone if I dont feel like it

156 replies

thefruitwhisperer · 17/02/2011 12:18

Sometimes I cant be fucked. I do however always call the person back when I can be bothered to talk, normally within an hour or so.

DP thinks Im an abomination.

OP posts:
NorthernGobshite · 17/02/2011 20:25

I quite often ignore the phone and only answer the door if someone has told me they're coming round! Sometimes just want to put PJ's on and veg out.

crazycatlady · 17/02/2011 20:29

And I learnt last time I was on maternity leave that if you willingly answer the door to delivery drivers looking to leave parcels for other houses then you always get picked on every time they are delivering.

Without fail they always knock during naptime, loudly, thus waking small child.

I got so fed up with having a hallway full of Next Directory deliveries for the woman across the road I now never answer unless expecting my own shopping.

mumsgotatum · 17/02/2011 20:29

YANBU sometimes I don;t answer the door and also I don't answer house phone

verytellytubby · 17/02/2011 20:30

I always answer the door but rarely the phoe.

verytellytubby · 17/02/2011 20:30

phone.

YusMilady · 17/02/2011 20:45

YANBU. I only answer the door if I'm expecting someone (have a sneaky peek out of a window first if in doubt). Friends email or text. The only person who rings me on the landline is my mother, and she leaves plaintive little voicemails. She only lives 2 miles away, I see her all the time so I'm buggered if I'm going to spend my precious evenings yapping on the phone too. She texts me constantly at work too and expects me to answer immediately - can't get her head around the concept that when I'm at work I might actually be - you know - working, not twiddling my thumbs waiting for a text about what's on the fecking birdfeeder.

domesticslattern · 17/02/2011 20:55

On my street, the doorbell used to go a fair bit with people with random made-up excuses. I'm sure that they are just checking we're in, with a view to burgling us.

Of course we're in! We have a small child! We never fucking go anywhere!

I always spring up to answer the doorbell, often shouting over my shoulder to an imaginary friend to prove that I'm not in on my own!

MissyMorrison87 · 17/02/2011 21:14

I never answer the door. No one ever just pops over and if they do they don't get an answer. I've had people peer through the window at me not answering the door - people I don't know - so I usually wave and continue what I'm doing or ignore them. The only time I went to the door it was the police asking about a crime on the street. And I knew they were coming because of the particularly eventful night on our doorstep the previous evening.

Oh my god reading that back I sound like a real anti- social old git!!! I'm not, honest! :)

bigbeagleeyes · 17/02/2011 21:22

I'm always ignoring the phone if I can't be bothered speaking to anybody. What's 1471 or answering machine for. As for the door, it's a small village, most of my friends just knock and come in. Since I do the same I can't complain.

dreamingofcalm · 17/02/2011 21:32

YANBU - I used to have no problem answering the door until we had new neighbours move in next door. Neighbour used to knock on the door and not even wait to be asked to come in, just barge her way through with her DS and explain that her DS (same age as my DS)is upset and only way to calm him down was to bring him to play with my DS. I took this for a while then started to blatantly ignore the door, she eventually got the message and rarely comes round now.

JJ17 · 17/02/2011 21:39

I always peer through the peephole and ignore people and screen my calls and then call people back when I can be arsed.

However, this bit me on the arse once.

I had made friends with the local cops because a neighbour was being a twat. I made nicey nice with the cops and gave them tea and penguins when it suited me to sort the problem.

Then they started to think I was a "tea stop" when it was raining etc.

One afternoon the house was a shit state and I peeped through the peephole and it was the neighbourhood cops, who knew my car, and I hid in the hallway hoping they would fuck off.

They kept on banging and banging with their "policeman's knock" until I opened the door and said I had been doing some audio typing upstairs.

We all knew I was lying and the house was wrecked, v embarrassing all round.

The moral of the tale: don't be friends with cops.

Hatesponge · 17/02/2011 21:42

YANBU.

I never answer my front door unless I am expecting someone. My lounge and kitchen are at the back of the house so it is easy to hide :)

I never answer the house phone either as 90% of the time it is people selling stuff, doing surveys etc as all my friends ring my mobile (which I do answer!)

Bunbaker · 18/02/2011 07:03

"Explains the neighbour who didn't answer the door as I was knocking after finding her son crying in the street because the friend he'd gone to play with wasn't in and he'd come back to find nobody home. She thought it was funny. And the other neighbour, who I could see was in the house and had lugged round a big parcel for, that had been left with us."

This happened to me a few weeks ago. A child at DD's school couldn't get in to the house and was stood outside wondering what to do - she is only eight years old. Who on earth goes out and leaves an "empty" house when you are expecting a young child home from school? In the end I knocked at her next door neighbour who was kind enough to take her in. If she had refused to answer the door I probably would have had to take the child home with me rather than leave her outside in winter weather. It was beginning to get dark as well.

That is precisely why I do answer the door in case one of my neighbours has a parcel for me, Tesco/Amazon/the postman might be delivering or if DD is out she miight have had an accident. Very occasionally it might be a good friend. I very rarely get time wasters at the door.

I can't believe how miserable and unreasonable you lot are.

Casserole Thanks for the sarcasm. You are assuming that the caller knows your mobile/email address. Sometimes if I need to leave messages on landlines I know they might not get them in time. MIL always forgets to dial 1571 and then panics because we haven't rung her (she is 82 and forgetful)

Perhaps it is a generational thing. I am a lot older than many of you and think it is downright rude to leave people waiting at the door when it is obvious we are in. Also, my background is telesales and I have been "conditioned" not to let a phone ring for too long and not anwering is unthinkable.

On the other hand, perhaps it is because we have screened out the unwanted callers and therefore anyone who does call is usually welcome, plus the fact that we live hundres of miles away from our families usually means that evening calls are almost always from family members, and again, are very welcome.

2rebecca · 18/02/2011 08:08

I agree not answering the door if you have young kids is stupid. It sounds as though the regular door nonanswerers maybe have relatives who often pop round though and that is the easiest way to get some peace.
I'd favour asking people to phone in advance.
The relatives who barge in the house if the door isn't answered sound awful.

weefriend · 18/02/2011 08:16

Oh and another one who didn't want to answer was the woman I was trying to tell her small child was hanging dangerously out of an upstairs window!

melikalikimaka · 18/02/2011 08:20

YANBU, I do it. Yesterday, the window cleaner knew I was in but I couldn't be arsed to answer the door to him and he rang twice. I didn't answer the door the other day cos I knew it was a double glazing rep and all our windows are done, so why ring my bell. It's not the law and it's my door and I will open when I feel like it.

The times I have been caught out by Jehovas Witness I can't count, that's one of the reasons why I am so stubborn.

Biscuitscoco · 18/02/2011 08:25

When my sister phoned up in middle of dinner one night for a chat I asked my son to tell her we were eating and I would ring her back.

She claimed to have been so offended that she collapsed (drama queen).

emptyshell · 18/02/2011 09:54

I have a note on my door basically saying if I see you're selling something I'm not going to answer so don't waste your time knocking. It also says we're not interested in double glazing, politics, making a small monthly donation, free quotations on anything or finding eternal salvation for our immortal souls... surprisingly so far it's worked. The front door lock's broken so doesn't unlock from the inside - so it's a right royal faff to find out where I've abandoned my shoes this time (because since its MY house my mother can't bug me to take them off in my bedroom anymore muahahahahahahahahha), find the backdoor key, fight with the slightly wonky back gate and trott around the side of the house.

I also call screen like mad (love love love caller ID) and quite regularly don't answer the phone. The answerphone and letterbox work if they really want to get hold of me.

When did we become placed under some obligation to make ourselves available to be sold to 24 hours of the day? I don't like being disturbed at home.

MissyMorrison87 · 18/02/2011 11:28

I think it's actually quite rude when people come over trying to sell you something and when you don't answer have the cheek to nose in your windows! I've even had one man climb up my fire escape to th kitchen window and stick his head through because I wouldn't answer (I lived in a second floor flat) which I think is ridiculous! I've even been in my underwear doing the ironing before and some git has peered in on me and STILL demanded I answer the door.

If I wanted double glazing I'd buy my own house first, then it might be a bloody option!!!

naturalbaby · 18/02/2011 11:35

first thing we did when we moved in was change the front door and put frosted screen on the clear glass panel so people couldn't see in/see us.

when i was a kid my mum used to make us hide in silence every time the doorbell went and got caller i.d so she'd only answer the phone if she knew who was calling and wanted to speak to them. am finding it hard to shake these habits i grew up with.

sods law the phone/door always goes when i'm feeding baby or the kids are asleep.

flowerfreshfloozy · 18/02/2011 11:36

If you answer the phone when you don't want to chat all the other person thinks is that you can't be bothered to talk to them.

If you wait till you want to talk and call them back at least you both get a positive conversation.

This is especially true in regards to my mother! Who now I have children I talk to an unprecedented amount, to think it used to be weeks between calls

That said I always answer the door

flowerfreshfloozy · 18/02/2011 11:37

If you answer the phone when you don't want to chat all the other person thinks is that you can't be bothered to talk to them.

If you wait till you want to talk and call them back at least you both get a positive conversation.

This is especially true in regards to my mother! Who now I have children I talk to an unprecedented amount, to think it used to be weeks between calls

That said I always answer the door

2rebecca · 18/02/2011 12:10

Jehovah's witnesses etc don't bother me, it takes 5 seconds to tell them to go away.
If I'm having a bath or bust I don't rush to answer the door so leave it sometimes, I'm often out at work or running/ shopping etc anyway so get very few casual callers.

theoffsiderule · 18/02/2011 12:43

naturalbaby - frosted glass is my new best friend. When we bought the house, we didn't really like it and we were thinking of having it changed, but since MIL decided that now we were round the corner, she was going to pop in at all times of the day - sometimes with her mates - for absolutely no reason, expect me to get up from bfing weeks old DS to make her a cup of tea and listen to her criticise my house/childrearing/tell me I have PND, I LOVE IT!

The beauty of the frosted glass is that I can see the outline of who it is but they can't see me - if it isn't a dumpy little shape with a bad haircut, then I open the door! She peers and peers as close as she can through the glass to see if she can see anything, but I've tested it and there is no way she can see through!

Bunbaker · 18/02/2011 18:49

All I can say is that most of you must get an awful lot of unwanted callers/telephone calls. We don't which is why I always answer the door/phone.