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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have two actually. 1) DH making me lunch 2) throwing my lunch down the stairs

150 replies

SchroedingersCat · 16/02/2011 20:17

  1. I work 8am-1pm (sometimes later) monday - friday in quite a high stress job. I see to 14 month old in the night, who is a night waker and tends to wake at 5am.

DH is stay at home dad, takes DD to school, including preparing lunch box (i normally do half the dressing and clean her teeth/do her hair) and looks after 14 month old DS while I am at work.

This morning, after school run, a friend of his came around with his little girl and they (dads and children) socialised, went to the park and DH attempted to feed a teething boy.

AIBU to expect DH to at least chuck some cheese between 2 slices of bread and butter for me to eat, when I am ravenous after working til 1:20pm today? (or indeed any day i am working?)

  1. I was home by 1:45pm, no lunch, stuffed a slice of peanut butter and bread down my neck and fed DS his milk (BF) and had a cuddle with him while he dozed on me. I offered to make lunch and was told 'you don't need to put DS down to make us both lunch'.

At 2:50pm i got ready to get DD from school, go into kitchen and DH has a bowl of hot food, contents unknown, so I sat down in the front room and wait, thinking he has made us both lunch and I have time to stuff a couple of mouthfuls in.

At 3pm he hollared that I need to go get DD, and it transpires this lunch was for him alone. He had meant 'you don't need to make me any lunch so take my time feeding DS'.

As I walk to the stairs a few minutes later (flat, internal private stairs) he thrusts an egg sandwich at me, which i refuse not wanting to eat an uncut runny fried egg sarnie with one hand while driving with the other and after an exchange of 'take it' 'don't want it ' he throws it full force in a pique of anger down the narrow stairs, egg, mayo, bread flying everywhere and landing in numerous places on our pretty new decent stair carpet.

Was He Being Unreasonable, or what this a just reaction to what he perceives as my ungrateful attitude to his 3pm mad grumpy dash to provide me with a sandwich.

(am a name change as DH might or might not be a lurker and knows my name on here).

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 16/02/2011 20:21

Sorry but why would he make you lunch? Make your own.

He was being unreasonable in throwing the sandwich. I hope he cleraed it up.

LB29 · 16/02/2011 20:22

I think he is a twat.

Do you do a fair share of the cooking?

FFFS · 16/02/2011 20:23

Why do you have to rush out to do the school run when he is a SAHD and you have been working all day?

stiflersmom · 16/02/2011 20:24

I think if he had made lunch for himself, he could have made you some too. DH or I would have done.

But I would cry if I made someone a sandwich and they threw it on the floor Sad

so I think you should apologise

Original poster
SchroedingersCat · 16/02/2011 20:24

fabby because he normally makes himself lunch with DS at about 12:30pm so it would not hurt to make me a quick sarnie/what they are having at the same time, i guess. It is a genuine AIBU so if I am I shall change my ways and just get on with making my own. I do not know what is 'expected' from parents at home and those working, especially those working only part time.

He did clean the sarnie up, of sorts. The stairs stinks of fried egg now though. His problem.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 16/02/2011 20:25

He shouldn't have thrown the sandwich.

However, YABU unreasonable to expect him to make you lunch. You are home, make your own. Or ask if he would be so kind as to make you some lunch if you can't get up because you're BFing. Don't just sit there waiting for him to serve it up.

Original poster
SchroedingersCat · 16/02/2011 20:25

stiflers Confused i didn't through his sandwich on the floor he threw it down the stairs! I just said I did not have time to eat it.

OP posts:
Loshad · 16/02/2011 20:25

YABU, as an adult you can make your own lunch - why not make a sandwich to eat on the way home from your part-time job. YAalsoBu in refusing to eat the food he made you - preumably in a teenage type strop - he was BU to throw it Biscuit

stiflersmom · 16/02/2011 20:25

OMG HE threw it Shock

In that case I would kick his arse from here to kingdom come!

FudgeGirl · 16/02/2011 20:25

If you were a dad bemoaning the fact you didn't get a sandwich after being at work for five hours, and then when your wife made you one under duress you refused it and bickered until your wife got so pissed off with you she threw it down the stairs, you'd be torn a new arsehole Grin

Teenybitsad · 16/02/2011 20:26

I think if he could get up and do the night feedss then you would be able to cope better. Can't you express or something? How does he feed your son while you're at work?

You oughtn't to be getting up in the night.

He was in my opinon out of order.

Original poster
SchroedingersCat · 16/02/2011 20:26

noble i agree. I did offer, and there was confusion about my offer to make lunch and his response to not make him any, it was mentioned as in 'oh you don't have to make lunch' but he meant 'you don't have to make lunch for me'.

OP posts:
rookiemater · 16/02/2011 20:27

YABU if you expect your DH to make your lunch every day just because you have worked 5 hours, I'd be annoyed if I was your DH and that was your expectation.

He is not being reasonable by making his own lunch and none for you, but perhaps he thought you had already had your lunch by eating peanut butter on toast. He is also not being reasonable by throwing your sandwich down the stairs, although again I can see why he would be annoyed as he thought he had made you lunch - egg sarnie sounds good to me - and then had it rejected.

Why don't you both try being a bit nicer to each other.

diddl · 16/02/2011 20:28

If he was making himself something, I would at least expect to be asked if I also wanted the same tbh.

Also, would expect to take it in turns to look after toddler in the night.

TheArmadillo · 16/02/2011 20:28
  1. make your own lunch

2)throwing it was going a bit far

Original poster
SchroedingersCat · 16/02/2011 20:28

loShad not a teenage strop, i am not one to turn down food even when grumpy about it! Grin

I was not going to eat a soggy drippy smelly egg sarnie while driving on the school run. I told him I would eat it when i got back. He was quite argumentative and forceful about me taking it.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 16/02/2011 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 16/02/2011 20:29

You could have made your own lunch or just asked him to make you some (don't you talk to each other?).

DP still doesn't think to make me a cup of tea when he makes one for himself. He'd never thing to make me lunch if he was getting himself a sandwich. No malice there, just a bit useless in that area :)

He should be doing the school run and getting your 14mo ready in the morning though if he's the SAHP.

compo · 16/02/2011 20:29

Have you heard yourself?
Moaning about lunch fgs
you work part time
he doesn't work at all
I'd love to have your work/ life balance

working all morning and getting to spend all afternoon everyday with your kids

Sorry but I'm green with Envy

Mumcentreplus · 16/02/2011 20:30

FudgeGirl you know it..you would be told to clean it up with your tongue and be grateful Grin

stiflersmom · 16/02/2011 20:30

whaaaaat is all this crap about "oh but if the roles were reversed blah blah"

bollocks

he is a selfih sod who made himself a hot dinner and then tried to paper over his appalling lack of manners by pressenting her with a dripping shit sarnie as she was heading out of the door - then he threw it, in temper Shock

I would have tripped the cunt up and rubbed his nose in it

kitbit · 16/02/2011 20:30

How about just talking to each other? What's stopping you asking him if he's eaten and if not then making something for you both? Why can't he just come and ask you if you'd like something while he's making? FFS you are both adults not 6. I don't 'expect' dh to cook for me and neither dies he. We take turns and enjoy caring for each other. Think you need to slow down a bit, get a bit less hectic and talk to each other.

And tell him to stop throwing food, that's gross :o

activate · 16/02/2011 20:31

he shouldn't make you lunch for when you get home

but if he's cooked for himself he should cook for you too

onepieceoflollipop · 16/02/2011 20:32

You are both out of order and sound quite childish imo. In your position I would ensure that I wasn't desperately hungry after working a long morning. Sounds like you were hungry and irritable, he was selfish and neither of you were prepared to communicate properly.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 16/02/2011 20:33

Euphemia I was trying to do the same and a thread from the other day came to mind about a poster asking basically whether whe was being unreasonable about giving her dh's dinner to the dc as he was going to be late and she got a lot of - oooh he's been out at work make him his dinner etc.

The op may only be working 5 hours but she says it is a high pressure job and she is also coming straight in bf the baby then going back out on the school run so don't think it is entirely unreasonable that her dh make her some lunch.
She isn't saying she comes in sits down kicks off her shoes and asks to be waited on.