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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not travel to see him

101 replies

momiath · 14/02/2011 15:11

I've namechanged for this but am a regular

My brother has a brain tumour and is having it removed next Monday. I'm 7mo pregnant and have got spd and he is in Yorkshire whilst I'm in London and I don't feel up to travelling the distance (I feel horrendous most days). I spoke to my sister yesterday and told her that I didn't feel up to it and she went ballistic. She says I'm being selfish and a shitty sister because I'm not making to effort to go and see him. I explained about how hard the pregnancy is affecting me and she just told me to get a sense of proportion and that being pregnant doesn't compare to a brain tumour.

I'm on my own, don't drive and I just don't feel that I can make the journey into London and then up to Leeds as I struggle to go to the shops around the corner. I do love him and I'll be a worrying wreck next week when he's having it, AIBU to not go and visit him

OP posts:
DuplicitousBitch · 14/02/2011 15:15

yes yabu.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/02/2011 15:18

yanbu

your sister is an insensitive twat - you have spd ffs and if you can't make it to the local shop then you ain't making it on a train to Yorkshire.

There are other ways to support him, phone calls, texts etc.

mj1moreornotthatisthequestion · 14/02/2011 15:18

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exexpat · 14/02/2011 15:19

I don't think YABU if you are really suffering from SPD. Your sister probably doesn't understand how bad it can be, and getting on and off trains and coaches with luggage would be pretty impossible if it's bad. Could you ask your sister (or anyone else in the family) to drive you up there, which might be easier?

Sounds to me like your sister is very anxious about your brother and is taking it out on you - or is she usually like this?

Original poster
momiath · 14/02/2011 15:23

The whole family except me lives in the North so there's no-one to drive me up there. My sister can be spiky at times.

OP posts:
Gemsy83 · 14/02/2011 15:25

I couldnt NOT go, and I had horrendous SPD. Family need each other at times like this.

mj1moreornotthatisthequestion · 14/02/2011 15:26

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Gemsy83 · 14/02/2011 15:28

Would you not expect them to visit you if you were so ill? Sorry to say this but you do realise what your brother has is immediatley life threatening and even the surgery carries the risk of dying? Are really so happy to be so blasé about it all?

maryz · 14/02/2011 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

baildonwen · 14/02/2011 15:33

YABVVVVVVVU

Your brother could die from this and yet you are not prepared to go through some discomfort to go and see him. I'd take a long hard look at yourself and then reconsider what you're going to do.

popelle · 14/02/2011 15:41

YABU

Get a grip and go and book a train ticket and get up there. Brain tumours are very serious and he will need his family to help him and that includes you.

NinkyNonker · 14/02/2011 15:42

I think you should go. Taxi to station, get collected or taxi at other end. Or fly, be in Leeds in under an hour. It is important to show that you care at times like these (I speak from experience) and putting yourself out a little is sometimes needed.

lampoon · 14/02/2011 16:00

If you've got severe SPD then you can't make that journey. Make sure you send him a card and ring him etc. Its unfortunate but there's nothing you can do about it.

LittleMissNorty · 14/02/2011 16:01

YABU - how can you even consider not going Shock

Teenybitsad · 14/02/2011 16:03

I think you need to go.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 14/02/2011 16:08

YABU and I can understand why your sister is cross.

I understand you have SPD but your brother has a brain tumour!!

Taxi to and from train station, go first class.

Gemsy83 · 14/02/2011 16:09

Of course she can go. Im fed up of people who whine and bleat that being pregnant/SPD is a valid excuse to be a self centred excuse for a human being. It isnt. Life goes on, although sadly her brothers life is at threat here, lets not play it down.

OhForBoonessSake · 14/02/2011 16:10

i would have to go if it was my sister.

MorticiaAddams · 14/02/2011 16:10

YABU. I do know that SPD is very painful as I had it myself. My sister was in a wheelchair with hers but she still carried on with life.

I would most definitely go. I have a serious illness but I do things and suffer the consequences.

It's really down to whether you have a can do or can't do attitude to life and you need to decide for yourself.

verytellytubby · 14/02/2011 16:11

Taxi's and train.

I would have to go.

OpheliaBumps · 14/02/2011 16:12

My sister had a brain tumour. She died in October. I would move heaven and earth for one more day spent with her Sad

Ormirian · 14/02/2011 16:12

I'd have to go I'm afraid. Is there anyway one of your family could come and pick you up?

curlymama · 14/02/2011 16:15

YABU, Pregnancy, even with SPD, is not an illness, and it's nowhere near life threatening. A brain tumor is, and it's a hell of alot more emotionally demanding and stressful to deal with than what you are going through.

Wouldn't you worry that your brother will hold it against you for not being there for him at the most terrifying time of his life?

The journey will be hard, but not impossible, and presumably you will be looked after by your family when you get there.

TallulahDoesTheHula · 14/02/2011 16:17

I would really try very hard to go.
Depending on how severe your SPD is... are you on crutches/in a wheelchair? - could you borrow a wheelchair from your hospital and ask a good friend to accompany you for the trip? if your friend drives you could hire a car to save doing the train journey through London..

or Get a taxi to the airport and fly there?

fedupofnamechanging · 14/02/2011 16:17

Unless you've had severe SPD, then you can't honestly judge how immobile it makes some people.Their pain and physical inability to move would make a trip impossible. To accuse someone of whining and bleating is shitty Gemsy83.

OP, if you are mainly uncomfortable, but not in severe pain, then I think you should go. The flying idea is excellent. If you have severe SPD (and only you can judge its severity)then you need to explain to your brother how much you love him and how you really do wish you could be there.