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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad for these kids?

140 replies

EvilTwins · 13/02/2011 17:50

I'm a drama teacher, and am about to put on this year's school play. We've got 35 kids involved, and they have been working their socks off - we've even been in school today. Without exception, they are having a great time, and are putting an incredible effort in. However, over the last week or so, I have had to realise how many of them get absolutely no support from home with stuff like this - parents not willing to drop their kids at school for the evening performances because they "don't want to have to hang around and wait for them", parents who aren't going to come and watch their children perform, and aren't giving them any praise or encouragement at home. It upsets them, and I think it's really sad. I went to pick up 4 girls from home this morning - one mother doesn't drive (no problem with that), but the others had to "go out" so it was a case of me picking them up, or them not being able to come. I don't mind doing the lifts - I just think it's a shame that their parents are so disinterested in something their DCs are a) enthusiastic about, b) really good at, and c) working really hard on.

OP posts:
roomonthebroom · 13/02/2011 18:04

I used to co-produce the school play and each year there would be kids whose parents didn't come because they couldn't be bothered and took no interest in what they were up to. I used to feel really sad for them and YANBU about this. MY parents used to come as they were proud of what I had done, even though I was in my 20s at the time.

However, we also had parents who couldn't do transport for a variety of reasons- single parents who couldn't leave younger siblings, shift patterns etc- and this was something we just had to work round.

usualsuspect · 13/02/2011 18:05

I think a 16 year old doesn't always need a lift and is quite capable of going to rehearsals on their own

VanityRocks · 13/02/2011 18:06

Hi NicksChick!First of all I am the original'Nicks chic'(me Ra and him Nick) second of all you say 'families have lives don't you know' well if their families contain children in drama groups then thats their lives!!

Original poster
EvilTwins · 13/02/2011 18:06

compo - the teenagers did get up. That's kind of my point. They got themselves up and out and at school for 9.30 on a Sunday morning, which is a big ask for a 16 year old. I think some of them just wish their parents would give them a bit of credit. That's what this is about. I did this kind of thing as a teenager, and my parents were really supportive - building me up, telling me "well done" and so on. OK, they also came to most things I was in - and I was aware at the time (and even more so now) how lucky I was and that plenty of parents work/have younger children to look after/don't drive or have other completely valid reasons for not being able to watch a show or concert. What's missing for some of the kids I teach is the simple "good for you", which, even for the older ones, is such a boost to their confidence and self esteem.

OP posts:
activate · 13/02/2011 18:07

This is seriously not a neglect situation

This is more likely teenage angst with the teens playing you and painting their parents in a bad light

compo · 13/02/2011 18:08

Going from your last post I can kind of see where you're coming from
did you give lots of notice about today's rehearsal?
For some ridiculous reason our weekends get booked up really quickly, for example we had friends to stay this weekend so wouldn't have wanted anyone to be busy this morning

backwardpossom · 13/02/2011 18:08

you are not insured for picking up students in your own car

How do you know? You can get the extra insurance required added onto your policy.

Original poster
EvilTwins · 13/02/2011 18:09

For those of you saying "16 year olds don't need lifts" - the girls I picked up were yr 7. The 16 year old girl I mentioned was one whose mother had told her she wasn't interested.

activate - I am actually. School knows that I (and another teacher actually - I got 4, she got 3) needed to do that, and the insurance was sorted.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 13/02/2011 18:09

"They got themselves up and out and at school for 9.30 on a Sunday morning, which is a big ask for a 16 year old."

Really? I don't think this is a big ask at all. DD frequently carts herself all over the city early on weekends when she has things she needs to do. Yes I give her a lift 9 times out of 10 but she is perfectly capable of getting herself places if I am unable to.

Original poster
EvilTwins · 13/02/2011 18:09

compo - yes. They've known the date since before Christmas.

OP posts:
NonnoMum · 13/02/2011 18:11

Are they all 16? So in their final full term before GCSEs? Maybe their parents think that they should be knuckling down and finishing coursework? Maybe they think they should be semi-independent and get themselves to school? Maybe they are just not that into Jazz Hands?

Original poster
EvilTwins · 13/02/2011 18:11

OK, GetorfMoiLand - it's a big ask for some 16 year olds.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 13/02/2011 18:11

It is a shame however Eviltwins that these kids think that their parents don't give a shit - if they have told you that then yes that is very sad indeed.

LadyThumb · 13/02/2011 18:11

BitofFun - people are 'disinterested', things are 'uninteresting' !! Surprised the teacher didn't wrap your knuckles.

activate · 13/02/2011 18:12

IME teachers are advised not to transport students in their own cars as it lays them open to all kinds of allegations

Original poster
EvilTwins · 13/02/2011 18:12

NonnoMum - read the thread.

No, they're not all 16. In fact, we have no Yr 11s in the show. There are Yr 7s, 8s, 9s, 10s, 12s and 13s.

And, again, the children I picked up are YEAR 7

OP posts:
compo · 13/02/2011 18:12

Ok I admit defeat
dear eviltwins after Reading your thread I admit yanbu Grin
thanks for responding to our comments btw, many people don't bother to come back and explain
oh and good luck with your play Smile

LibraPoppyGirl · 13/02/2011 18:12

The OP has stated several times that not all of the kids are 16 but Yr 7's please read the OP's comments!

Original poster
EvilTwins · 13/02/2011 18:13

activate - school knew about it. There is nothing dodgy going on.

OP posts:
Original poster
EvilTwins · 13/02/2011 18:13

compo - thanks! Grin

OP posts:
activate · 13/02/2011 18:16

Fine, Fine

I do object to your judgemental attitude but appreciate that you have put yourself out immensely. On a personal level I have 4 children and work full-time - my secondary age kids are far more self-sufficient than the primary ones.

On a professional level I would expect a year 7 to be making their own way to and from school and would be concerned about any teacher taking any student in their own car.

GandalfyCarawak · 13/02/2011 18:17

YANBU.

nickschick · 13/02/2011 18:17

Vanity?? sorry if im not getting 'you' if you were the original nickschick why did mn allow me to have this name? secondly my point was that not every family can dedicate Sundays to drama - families have lives other than those they have at school? in fact thinking of my closest friends none of us would have been able to get our teen dc to school on a sunday for a variety of reasons.

shimmerysilverglitter · 13/02/2011 18:17

Maybe their mums are on mumsnet? Wink

neepsntatties · 13/02/2011 18:17

Yanbu, I also teach drama and have seen this sort of thing. Good luck with the performance!

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