Poll: Prefer to be called Christian name or Mrs by children

[Mrsredoneslast]

By request.
Do you prefer to be called by your christian name or by your "title"..Mrs, Ms etc...by children (acquiantances's children/ dc's school friends etc)

So which

A)christian name

or

B) "title"
?

There is a huge difference between not treating someone with more respect than they offer you just because of their age; and being rude and unpleasant.

I have brought my children up to be polite, kind, moral beings and they are. I have never, ever told them they must respect adults just because they are older than them.

If parents aren't bringing their children up with good morals and manners, that has bugger all to do with whether or not they tellt heir chidlren they should blindly respect all adults.

Also agree that respect shold be the default and removed when the recipient has shown they don't deserve it. Which is why I go along with Mrs even though it grates.

But if the adult is in a position of responsibility, especially if young or inexperienced, shouldn't they have a 'title' to differentiate them, just to make life easier?

For example, a friend of mine teaches at a stage school. She is in her early twenties, and teaches a class of 17/18 year-olds. She is called Miss Firstname, just to gently reinforce the point that even though she is a similar age to them, she isn't one of them.

I'm with Hec.

I grew up calling adults Mr or Mrs, or auntie/ uncle. Being called by my first name by a child makes my teeth itch.

My dcs grew up calling my brother and DH's brothers Uncle, while all my nephews and niece called us by our first names. I hated it.

I did always wish there was a generic name you could call friends mums, neighbours, ILs etc when you didn't want the informality of Jane, or the formality of Mrs Smith. Don't some of the Asian communities get round this by using auntiegee?

Usually first name (and I always introduce myself to little ones in clinic as "Hello, are you x? I'm J-one-of-the-bones-and-joints-doctors" - never occurs to me to do anything else) but I still have friends of my parents and parents of my friends who are "Mr/Mrs" to me (or auntie/uncle, but I think that's a regional thing).

Strangely, now I think about it, I stick with Ms C when I introduce myself to the grown ups in clinic though!

So, if a sales-person phones you up and calls you by your first name, does this not grate? He/she didn't give you default respect because you, to them, haven't 'earned it' yet.

I haven't known anyone to be pleased by a salesperson etc to default call someone by their first name. Why should it be any different if you switch that person with a child?

How do you see "mummy"? As a title, a term of endearment or a postition?

I only ask as ifsome children call their mother by their forenames, they arent happy. Yet they dont afford other adults the same priveledge and let their kids call them by their forenames.

A always A to everyone unless I'm complaining

That's fine, spenguin, as long as you afford the same respect to children and call them by their title and surname, IMO.

breathing - I don't mind if my children call me by my name, but they prefer mummy, and I prefer mummy not because it's respectful, but because it's a special name

I remember my Dad hitting the roof when I called him his name once.

Definitely A, as anyone calling me Mrs * makes me feel about 95.

I have to say I do think that respect re how to address adults is a bit of a red herring. It is possible as a child to call someone by their first name and still be respectful.

My ultra-conservative teacher MIL did a couple of terms supply at a Quaker school in Reading where pupils address staff by their first name. I expected her to find that aspect difficult but she never did and looks back very fondly on it. The difference was not a great as she had expected- the pupils were respectful despite the apparent informality of their forms of address. I'm not sure it's as simple as first name= disrespectful, hence why I said earlier that to be respectful you should address people how they wish to be addressed.

I had a massive issue from childhood re having to call the random drunks and dodgy characters that my father used to gather up and bring to live with us "Uncle X", but I utterly respect my friend's insistence that her children address me as Aunty Firstname. They are in their late teens now but are still roundly pulled up by their mother if they call me Firstname without the Aunty bit. I respect my friend and her way of bringing up her children.

That is why I do not insist on children addressing in any particular way- they are on the whole delightful and respectful. The most disrespectful who has ever been in my house called me "Mrs X's Mum". The "Mrs" made no difference to what a rude little moo she turned out to be.

When I go into schools as a visiting writer, I always ask them to call me by my first name, as part of what I do is being outside the "school culture" and being a bit more informal. I don't want to be seen/treated as a supply teacher.

Problem is, a lot of them find it hard to break the "Sir" habit.

And in some primary schools where there are few or no male adults, I'll sometimes be addressed as "Miss"!!

UnquietDad - yes my DH gets called 'miss' when he goes on school trips etc..

A.

Would hate to be called Mrs VTT.

I prefer B by a mile.

I have also taught my children to adopt the B formula, even if they know the first name, unless/until they have been specifically invited to use it.

A

I sort of prefer B, but am not too bothered by A. Don't really like children to expect to call me A. I will tell them if I want them to call me A.

Flamingo. I honestly cannot believe what I am reading. Do you really think that children are on the same level as adults? Children don't have the same level of responsibility as adults, do they? As soon as they have the same level of responsibility, they can have the same rights. As soon as they have the same level of reasoning, they can have the same rights.

I agree with what Hecate? said above. It is this automatic expectation of respect by children that is at the bottom of a lot of the trouble in our society.

Definitely "B", at least until familiar. Otherwise "Biryani's mum" will suffice. Agree with albertcamus's point that there has to be some distance between generations otherwise authority will be difficult IMHO.

Not too bothered what kids call me' but dd calls our friends auntie or uncle

I have an American friend from Texas and her children - at her insistence- call me "Miss Greythorne" which I think is archaic and odd and yet rather lovely. I wish I could adopt it for my DCs to address other grown ups as it seems like a halfway house between first name and "Mrs XXXX" but I fear my English friends would think it highly pretentious.

A