Poll: Prefer to be called Christian name or Mrs by children

[Mrsredoneslast]

By request.
Do you prefer to be called by your christian name or by your "title"..Mrs, Ms etc...by children (acquiantances's children/ dc's school friends etc)

So which

A)christian name

or

B) "title"
?

"Children blatantly should have a little respect for the adults in their lives,"

What!? Why!? Surely one should earn respect? I can think of a vast number of adults who are not worthy of respect from anyone and to suggest that children ought to respect them just because they're older is crazy IMO. Do you really want your children to blindly respect all adults just because they're adults? Or do you want to teach them about relationships and personalities and how to make rational judgements about people?

Isnt' it rather confusing for children to be taught 'you should respect your elders just because they're older tahn you' and then to be told 'but some adults are dangerous so stay away from strangers'.

And then what happens if they get abused by an adult they've been told by you they ought to respect, and who tells them not to tell anyone, and who they trust because they've been told that all adults are worthy of respect just by virtue of being older than them so they don't tell anyone about the abuse?

Hecate - there we must agree to disagree. Children should, IMO, be considered equal to adults and considering them not to be so has been the cause, historically, of huge mistreatment of children. This is the case with all groups in society - if you think they are not equal to you, it is easier to treat them badly.

I'm not suggesting you treat children badly yourself, but I mean society as a whole.

A for me too.

I do get Mrs Milngavie occasionally but it makes me want to look for my MiL!

Most of the children in our town know me through an after school activity and they all know me by my first name.

I have an interview at a local school and if I get the job the children, including my own DS's, will have to call me Mrs.

I guess it comes down to context.

I do think children should be taught to respect elders. Why should someone, for example, who has lived their long life earn respect from my 2 year old. It should be given until proven they dont deserve it.

I think that earning respect doesnt always hold. There should be some tacit respect between people....the whole
"earning" it thing is s cop out imo

should a teacher earn respect or should children have some kinds of respect for that person as soon as they enter his/her classroom?

Really, breathing!? So you would be happy for your children to blindly respect an adult until the adult did something obvious to lose that respect? So how do you teach your child how to judge that?

Equally would you expect your children to not respect anyone until they "earned" it? They would be awfully rude if that were the case.

Yup. We have to disagree

imo children are to be cherished, protected, guided by the whole community into adulthood.

Part of that means listening to the adults guidance. That involves respect and understanding that these adults have your best interests at heart and actually do know a lot more about life than you do! And have a lot to teach you.

I think that when children listened to and respected adults, we had a better world. When adults could tell off a misbehaving child, we had a better world, when the words "Stop that, young Johnny or I'm coming round to tell your mum" would have a kid stop right away, we had a better world.

Now we have rampaging youths effing and blinding, yelling "you can't tell me what to do, I'm got me yuman rites, innit" and putting your windows through. We have them swigging cider in the parks at night. We have gangs wandering the street and night, kicking the crap out of lone adults...

No. I think I preferred the world where adults were entrusted with the care of children and children knew the boundaries.

That's different, (wrt teachers), breathing. They have earned respect by training for however long. But even then, I would be proud of my children if they didn't just blindly respect teachers just because theyr'e teachers. There are plenty of shit teachers around who treat children badly. A friend of mine has a child in the class of a teacher who is rude and unpleasant to any child who is clearly more intelligent than her. Would you tell your child they should still just respect her? Of course, if the school rules are to call her Mrs X, then the children must follow those. But don't you want your children to grow up to learn to question things if they think they're unjust?

My husband was bashed by youths outside my house when he asked them to stop detsroying our property. maybe he should have earned their respect first.

And yes, I know that there are some dangerous adults and you have to teach your children that, but community protection and guidance would actually aid that too.

There is trust and then there is respect.

I think you have a rather skewed view of life for children 'back then'. When actually a lot of children were smacked regularly, and/or emotionally abused by their parents and other adults. Just because you might be a good parent, doesn't mean everyone is or was.

You don't have to be blindly respected by a child to guide them and teach them morals. They'll respect you anyway if you respect them and take them seriously.

Just thought of something. For those of you who insist your children call adults Mr/Mrs/Miss etc, why would you be annoyed when an adult says to call them by their first name?

Surely as they started off how you want it would then be more disrespectful to call the adult by something that they didn't want to be called? Only asking as I genuinely hate being called Miss XXX, and in general I won't respond to it. It makes my teeth itch in the same way a few of you dislike being addressed by your forename.

Surely the most polite thing to do is to call the adult by whatever name they request? - Must say I hate being known as Aunty anything, I have no neices and nephews therefore I am not an aunty!

*Not trying to start an argument by the way, genuine question.

Im afraid I wouldnt get to know a friend of dd's - child of 3 or 4- well enough or be in their life long enough for them to be mature enough to undertand whether or not they should respect me. In the mean time, Id like them to have enough manners to be respectful to me.

Flamingo, actually there are fewer and fewer shit and abusive teachers as they are being weeded out over the years. There are on the other more and more teachers leaving teaching because they cannot even begin to create the right learning environment, when the children demand respect on their own terms and have no idea how to respect people themselves. Whenever my pupils bleated about their rights, I'd counter with reminding them of their responsibilities (most of which were about respect for the learning environment and each other)- this was news to many of them.

First name for me, although I agree that when in doubt or unless stated othwise, titles and surname should be used. However it really grates to tell the DCs to assume that women are Mrs, as I am personally very against it as a title, as most women still use it I go with the flow.

Those of you that dislike officialdom using your first name, is it when they only use your first name, eg may I speak to Jane please, or does it still grate if they say May I speak to Jane Smith please? I tend to do the latter because I find it irritating that people assume I'm a Mrs when I'm not and that is how I prefer to be addressed (I don't deal with the public at work, am talking about if I have to phone up say a children's activity organiser or tradesperson etc).

A please!

Although B at work.

In my experience calling adults by their first name is more common here, than perhaps in America where it's usually Mrs X, Mr Y. To me it seems very old fashioned to address people that way.

I hate it when adults request that my children them by their first name.

I wish they wouldn't do it.

After they have, there's nothing I can do about it, but I really wish they hadn't.

Where possible, I try to head it off by explaining that due to my children's autism, it is far easier to have the one 'rule' rather than the confusion of you can call X by their first name, but must call Y mr...

But at the end of the day, if they want to be annie to a child instead of Miss Jones, that's their choice.

Flamingo - we just do have to agree to disagree. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting that world, even if when we had it before on the surface, it had a nasty side, there is - in my opinion - nothing wrong with seeing the better side of it and wishing that better side back.

I think the "I wont give respect until you earn it" thing is a sad part of the "its all about ME" culture we live in.

Should I treat an old person I see in the street with respect or just say "piss off old lady, you havent EARNED" my respect?

I think that there is a level of respect - consideration - that every living creature is entitled to, just because they exist . I don't think anyone thinks that you have the right to insult someone or hurt them in any way if you feel that they have not earned your respect. That would be insane.

I dont believe, and have never believed that one should earn respect before getting it. How do you treat people you have never met if that is the case.

IMO everyone deserve to be treated with respect until they show that they dont deserve it. Innocent until proven guilty if you like!

I think that a large part of politeness is showing people respect by default. Should these people prove themselves unworthy of respect, then you should react accordingly. As breathing says, no-one should be rude and abusive as a default position, yet that is what a fair number of children are taught in this country. It is perfectly possible to teach children to respect people whilst keeping safe at the same time. Respecting someone does not mean you jump in their car to look for their puppy for example- that's blatant nonsense. In fact being rude and angry sometimes does the opposite of keeping children safe and they never learn to interact normally with people they do not know.

Indeed breathing; I think life functions better when people in general show each other a degree of civility and yes, formality. If they want to become as familiar as they feel comfortable that is up to the individuals concerned, but I will expect my son to treat his teachers with respect for the simple reason that they are his teachers. I expect people to treat my job (solicitor) with a certain amount of respect - I don't mean fawning admiration for me personally, I mean respect for the office I hold as part of the legal system intended to protect them. Ditto doctors, nurses, police etc.

If only our language had a "vous" form, it would help so much.

I'm going to be over here in 1953 if anyone needs me -------->

I agree with that bogeyface