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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in telling off a stranger's child in a museum?

142 replies

ZillionChocolate · 13/02/2011 10:10

I was in a museum yesterday and was the other side of an exhibit to a family of two boys, maybe 6 and 8 and two older parents/grandparents. The exhibit was a big stone coffin which was roped off, but at a low level and only about 10 inches away. There were small signs that said "do not touch".

One of the boys was running his hands all over the top of the stone, just before we walked away, I said "you're not allowed to touch it". My husband later said I shouldn't have said anything as the father/grandfather was also touching it. WABI?

OP posts:

crystalglasses · 13/02/2011 16:27

There's nothing wrong in pointing out to children that something is not allowed. It doesn't need to be phrased as 'telling off'.
It's not as if the op is verbally abusing the child. I think it can be difficult though if their own dp or dgp are also ignoring the signs and I would heslitate to say anything in those circumstances because I would feel I was undermining the dp/dgp

fedupofnamechanging · 13/02/2011 16:28

I think that it is a cop out to criticise the behaviour of the child, when they have an adult with them. I think it is rude, but maybe that's just me. If you wanted to say something, then I think it ought to have been to the grandparent.

I am not saying that you were rude or nasty to the child, because you were clearly not.

olderandwider · 13/02/2011 16:32

YANBU Personally, I am nostalgic for the days when kids would immediately stop what they were doing (wrong) when an adult approached. It made life so much easier for everyone. Now, people either feel they have to make an official complaint (sledgehammer and walnut come to mind) or slink away for fear of getting an earful of abuse from the kid or its parent.

And no, I don't remember a constant barrage of adults criticising me and my friends as we went about our business. We just accepted adults were there to keep order, basically, and make sure rules were enforced. I guess some would call us cowed and downtrodden now, and possibly victims, but it didn't feel like that.

Surely it is better if adults do intervene when they see something going on that is wrong, rather than walk away, or just contact some agency after the event. (Clearly talking here about petty stuff). I have asked teenagers to pick up litter and to take dogs out of dog free parks. If that makes me a busybody, meh.

southmum · 13/02/2011 16:38

Telling the kid and not the adult says alot. Karma I have nodded along to all of your posts.

I would give a bit of a ticking off to a kid if they were in danger or pissing about if their parents weren't around. If mum / dad are about is not my job to take over theirs (not to mention it might end up in a bloody nose if you pick on the wrong person!) unless of course they are in danger and mum / dad clearly dont give a rats fanny....

fedupofnamechanging · 13/02/2011 16:41

Glad someone agrees with me southmum. Was feeling a bit on a limb here

fedupofnamechanging · 13/02/2011 16:42

should say out on a limb. My typos today are

working9while5 · 13/02/2011 16:51

If the parent was there, I'd say it to the parent as I would assume they hadn't seen the sign/maybe couldn't read it.

I still think it's a bit crazy to think that people in society should be so careful about how one adult will perceive the intervention of another adult.

I believe the word that gets used around here is precious but personally, I find it bizarre and ridiculously egocentric. In a museum/zoo etc, the exhibits are for everybody so actually, comments on parenting is a secondary issue here and particularly so if the parent is failing to take action. It's not soft play where it can be "each to their own" as long as no harm is done: there is something bigger at stake. No child will crumble to pieces forevermore simply because an adult points out an agreed boundary to them. They are (hopefully) used to taking direction from adults and should think nothing of it. If they do, that's a terrible, terrible shame. You can be anti-authoritarian as much as you like once you have respect for how your behaviour impacts upon the experiences of others. Otherwise, quite frankly, you are being taught to be a little shit.

working9while5 · 13/02/2011 16:52

are

MadamDeathstare · 13/02/2011 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toeragsnotriches · 13/02/2011 20:53

Nope. You weren't being unreasonable. I tell off random kids all the time.

And as for securing it better? The sign and rope are there for a reason. We don't have to know why. The museum does. Just. follow. the. instructions. Then we all get to enjoy it.

NorthernGobshite · 13/02/2011 20:59

YANBU. I often tell other peoples children off! dd says its because I am a good Mummy! dh says its because I am an interfering sod!

mayorofwhoville · 13/02/2011 21:52

We were visiting and English Heritage site and a boy of about 11 had climbed a castle wall. He was about 8 foot up. I looked for his parents and they were nowhere to be seen. I then said to him in a firm voice "Get. Down. Now. We don't climb the walls"

I didn't what him to be hurt when he fell.

frecklyspeckly · 13/02/2011 21:59

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all however I do think inevitably people will get the hump if you dare to correct their childrens behaviour...

like the mum who stared daggers at me when I asked her (approx guess) 6yo to get off ds fingers in a playground once ( he was standing on ds hand and ds was about 18 months).

like the time I asked 3 children to stop wrapping a swing around the bar at the top so no other child could reach it and I incurred the wrath of the eldest child/young person.

sometimes you have to speak out though, not everyone is going to thank you for it!

redpanda13 · 14/02/2011 01:45

YANBU - in telling child off

YABU - you did not tell the adult off too. Actually you should have only told the adult off and not the child. So maybe now it is a YABU for telling the child off????

differentnameforthis · 14/02/2011 02:35

The museum took a view and decided not to make that particular item impossible to access

Maybe because they thought they could trust parents to take responsibility & read & enforce the sign!?

lalamom · 14/02/2011 05:37

I asked three children to walk their dog elsewhere as clearly they had brought it to do a shit in the childrens' park. They were shocked but suitably chastised.

Of course we should point these things out to children whose parents simply don't teach them how to be in certain situations.

lalamom · 14/02/2011 05:42

I add that the dog did do a shit- which is why I went over and explained if the babies innocently roaming about on the grass, poke their fingers in the shit they could get horrible diseases and they would not want to cause this, would they. They agreed with me and I sent them on their way and tried to deal with the shit left behind. This is a metaphor for life......sadly the truth is some parents just don't teach kids civic etiquette because it is too much effort and we all must live with the consequences of this laziness.

I was very nice about it. The kids looked a bit mortified.
If i see them there again with their parents I will say the same to them.

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