in telling off a stranger's child in a museum?

[ZillionChocolate]

I was in a museum yesterday and was the other side of an exhibit to a family of two boys, maybe 6 and 8 and two older parents/grandparents. The exhibit was a big stone coffin which was roped off, but at a low level and only about 10 inches away. There were small signs that said "do not touch".

One of the boys was running his hands all over the top of the stone, just before we walked away, I said "you're not allowed to touch it". My husband later said I shouldn't have said anything as the father/grandfather was also touching it. WABI?

Karma, do you think all paintings in museums and galleries should be put behind perspex too, to stop people touching them? As well as costing millions, it would be a less enjoyable experience if every painting exhibit was encased behind plastic.

OP was not being unreasonable, and an NT child of that age should be able to appreciate that museum exhibits which are roped off or delicate should not be touched.

There's a real problem with the attitude that only the child's parents are allowed to tell them off. Because parents are only human, they come in all sorts of guises. Some are selfish and irresponsible. And when their selfishness and irresponsibility means their kids behave badly in public, then other people are affected. And are quite entitled to tell the badly behaved children off.

When I was a small child, it was quite usual for adults to tell unrelated children off. It was fine. I wasn't damaged by strangers telling me off if I was out of line, far from it - probably helped to enforce boundaries and teach me about acceptable behaviour in public.

Children have to grow up to take their place in society. Society is affected by their behaviour especially as they grow into adulthood. Of course other members of society have the right to object to selfish, nasty or harmful behaviour!

(Although since joining MN I have become far more alert to the possibility that odd behaviour in other peoples' children may be caused by SN so I'm far less Grumpy Old Woman about it.)

Please read my comments activate. I said that I would not allow my children to touch, but I consider it my job to tell them, not a stranger. Given that the OP seems to have directed her comment to the children and not the grandparent, it appears she went for the soft target, given that the adult is as likely to 'harm' the exhibit as the child.

The whole 'sense of entitlement/DM' thing is such a cop out and a bit of a leap from what I actually said. It is up to me if I want to tell my children myself and not have some stranger attempting to discipline them.

Rhadegunde - yes I have been to the British Museum. It was a while ago now, but I vaguely recall the really fragile exhibits being protected.

karma are you serious? Why don't we just put everything in Perspex that way children will never need to learn right from wrong or what they can or cannot touch. We could put Stonehenge in one enormous Perspex box or the dinosaurs in the Natural History Museum, that will make the exhibits so much more interesting?!

The parent was touching it too? YADNBU, but under those circs I think I'd have addressed myself to the parent - "excuse me, they'd rather we didn't touch it". It's highly unlikely that the parent didn't see / couldn't read the signs, but not totally impossible, and allows your conversation to end gracefully. Well, potentially anyway .

I would have been more than happy for the OP to have told my children not to touch the exhibit in the way that she did with these children. I don't see everything that they do and a bit of back-up (yes, even from strangers) is very welcome.

This would have been enough for my children to have stopped touching the exhibit and rightly so.

Do they not put paintings out of children's reach anyway?

"Children have to grow up to take their place in society. Society is affected by their behaviour especially as they grow into adulthood. Of course other members of society have the right to object to selfish, nasty or harmful behaviour!"

Well said Edam.

No Karma you clearly intimated that you see no issue in a child touching stone because it's what they enjoy and do - so I understood you to mean that you would let your kids do it despite the ropes (which is also how many pictures are protected from touchy hands too)

Guacamole You can't actually get neat Stonehenge. It is roped off.

I think some of you are not reading what I said. I do not think that DC have a right to touch whatever they want. I have said that I would stop mine. But, I think the museum ought to prevent very fragile things from being accessible to children and I think it is a parents responsibility to tell their own DC. Obviously a lot of you don't have a problem think it is rude, esp if you ignore the same behaviour in the accompanying adult.

activate You have misunderstood my posts. I said that it is natural for children to want to touch things. I don't think that the occasional touch will damage stone and if it does, then the museum ought to make it impossible to do so. I did not ever say that I would allow my children to do as they pleased, just that it is my job to tell them how they should behave, not a stranger in the museum.

As the child was accompanied by their parent/grandparent, it would have been more appropriate for the OP to direct her comment to the adults, not the child. I agree with karma that directing it to the child is picking on a soft-target and being passive aggressive. If I was the parent within earshot, I would have been riled - I may have just missed reading the sign.

However, I note that OP did not notice the child was accompanied, so understandable. I don't think it is wrong to tell the child not to touch (if said in a gentle way, it is not a telling off), but not the best approach if that child is with accompanying adults, especially if those adults are touching the exhibits themselves!

Wow OP. You've not been flamed ... yet.:o

Normally threads like this are repleat with the how-double-dare-you-speak-to-my-children-its-my-responsibility-are-you-calling-me-a-bad-parent-well-fucking-are-you?!!! brigade.

Perhaps they're all at the museum this morning.

well fine if you've changed the original tone of your posts to wouldn't let your own kids do it

personally I think all parents who are against other people telling their children off should either a) be with them at all times and absolutely on top of them acting perfectly at all times and I mean like Perfect Peter not even like a normal kid or b) should get over themselves and their precious cargo on other adults telling your children off because that's what society is about

but I've had this argument before on here and I don't know who it was with and it seems to be an entrenched view in a minority of people that their kids are sacrosant

I think it's interesting that you told off the children and not the grandparents who were also touching it. I'm guessing you didn't fancy telling off an adult in case you got a mouthful.

Personally I go to museums and galleries to enjoy myself, I would expect the guard/supervisor in the museum
to set any limits, I would not bother if I saw people taking photos when it said not to, or touching things that are roped off (so not that precious then). When I see children at the zoo sticking their fingers in the cages, I don't mention that either.

I just think I would find life terribly tiring if I went round watching everyone elses's slip ups and telling them off. I would tell off a child hurting another or being bullying though, that's worth an intervention IMO.

I tell random children off, I can't help it. I need to tell myself "you are not in school now, these naughty children are not your responsibility"

My mum (ex-teacher) tells adults off too. Especially if they drop litter.

I agree with those who say if you wanted to say something which is fine then you should have spoken to the adult who was touching - presumably the child thought it was ok as the adult was doing so.

But much easier to tell off a child than an adult I guess.

OP, why didn't you address the adult?

oh, I would point out the signs to the adults, too.

I agree in principle but i personnaly make my DD's behave when out so if you'd said anything to them you'd probalby get a trouser based mouth full from me(tonge in cheek)

Are some people implying that the adult couldn't read ?

Every adult has the right and responsibility to politely remind every child where the boundaries of acceptable behaviour lie.

If all of us took responsibility at the time - like OP did - and ranted less about it later, the world would be a better place.
For all we know the parents of said grubby fingered child had intimidated the grandparents into not being old fashioned about discipline.

And NO there should not be perspex. There should be inherent understanding that a rope means exercise self control.

With rights come responsibilities.
WE forget that at our peril.
Hopefully the newly free people of Egypt will remember that about their artefacts that are too big to cover in perspex.

PS Stonehenge is open at the Winter Solstice. My kids loved hugging the stones with all the other kids.

I don't mind sensible rather than grumpy telling off
my friend shouted at a boy of about 7/8 walking ahead of us, he jumped up and swinging from a young branch of a small tree in our communal garden
his mum was with him looked back but said nothing the kid stopped doing it and walked on

I often ask kids not to walk on the flower bed etc