in telling off a stranger's child in a museum?

[ZillionChocolate]

I was in a museum yesterday and was the other side of an exhibit to a family of two boys, maybe 6 and 8 and two older parents/grandparents. The exhibit was a big stone coffin which was roped off, but at a low level and only about 10 inches away. There were small signs that said "do not touch".

One of the boys was running his hands all over the top of the stone, just before we walked away, I said "you're not allowed to touch it". My husband later said I shouldn't have said anything as the father/grandfather was also touching it. WABI?

YABU

Its not up to you to police the museum OR discipline kids that aren't yours in this situation.

Interesting that you said sod all to the grown up who could have told you to keep your beak shut responded.

I don't really have an issue activate. I would just view it as rude for someone to correct a child's behaviour when the parent is present. I think it would be better to address the comments to the adult, that's all.

I must admit that I do in general take issue with the idea that one must never question 'authority', that we ought to blindly follow rules just because someone says so. That leads us down the path of giving too much power to people who shouldn't necessarily have it. I accept that this isn't strictly relevant to this thread. I do find Gwendoline's posts patronising and aggressive. Yes, she works in a museum, but for all I know she might be in the tea shop (joke Gwendoline - I'm sure you're not).

I do think some people are being a little bit precious about all this. The majority of the people will obey the request of the museum (myself included), so the sky is not going to fall in because on this occasion a child did not. I was just making the point that if it is a very precious exhibit, the museum might like to ensure it cannot be touched

Stone objects are fairly robust (hence not behind glass), but can be damaged by sheer volume of people touching.

Also there is a general respect issue really for museum exhibits as things that are there to be enjoyed by everyone so basic rules about them are to be observed and if the museum considers 'don't touch' is appropriate then that's the rule.

True the sky won't fall in if one child touches a statue or something, but if 30,000 children do that's another matter!

Please don't feel patronised by this Karma! It is something I know about - and not from the perspective of the tea shop either (altho think tea shop people can have opinions too actually!).

So what if Gwendoline did work in a museum tea shop? She would still have an awareness of museum policies.

Karma, you are making an irrational argument. It is true that if an exhibit was particularly fragile and likely to be seriously damaged if one person fell on it by accident or if a toddler ran up to it before they could be stopped and poked it, then that exhibit should be entirely out of reach of the public.

But most exhibits are going to be less fragile than that. It is to the benefit of everyone to have them openly on display, on the basis that people will behave in a responsible way.

If a parent is behaving in an irresponsible way towards our shared resources, and encouraging a child to do the same, in clear contradiction of guidance on what not to do, then something should be said to that person and their child.

Your parenting decisions are only your sole business if they don't have an immediate impact on other people.

Biscuitscoco,I didn't mean that they couldn't have opinions (just that the opinion of the lady in the tea shop would be on a par with mine, not better or worse). I was joking (badly, probably).

Rhadegunde, I refer you to my previous comments. Feel we are going round in circles

Milly, I don't have a problem with someone speaking directly to the adult. I think it is not appropriate to speak to the child, ignoring the fact that they have an adult with them.

Karma, how is it on a par with yours? Do you have some kind of active involvement with a heritage organisation?

I quite enjoy pointing out to children that they shouldn't be doing something.

Milly, I mean that the opinion of an expert is more valid than mine (like if my child is ill, the doctor is likely to know more about it than me). If a bunch of non experts are giving an opinion, then each opinion has equal validity.

I politely ask children to abide by the rules in museums, zoos and such, along the lines of 'Could you get down from there please' and 'Please don't touch the sarcophagus/eat the tessera/spit into the fishtank?poke the tiger'
If the adult with them is ignoring the rules, I don't bother discussing it with them, what's the point?
If they are a permissive parent who allows their child free rein, it's a waste of breath.
Telling the child might give them an understanding of different rules in different places, that they will not otherwise have.
6 and 8 are old enough to understand that.

What on earth are you talking about? There are degrees to which people have knowledge of something. There aren't just people who are experts and people who know nothing.

By your argument, you shouldn't even be commenting on this issue because you are not, I presume, a professor a moral philosophy and so can't be expected to judge what is or is not reasonable behaviour as you are not an 'expert.'

. Milly, I think that you are deliberately missing the point. A person whose job it is to do something,will be better informed than someone who does something completely unrelated. Therefore the doctor, for example will know more about diseases than I do. Of course some people will be better informed than others, but where no person is an expert, all opinions have equal validity.

I have told off somebody else's kids before, in a nature reserve- the parents had gone off for a walk by themselves leaving two boys about 10-11 to entertain themselves. They chose to do this by rooting in rock pools for shellfish to smash with rocks. I bollocked them loudly and angrily in front of a crowd of people. No remorse here :)

Anyway, we all make subjective decisions regarding what is reasonable or not. If we all had the same view, none of us would be here because we would all know automatically whether our behaviour was reasonable in any given situation

Oh well, that's OK then. I'm safe in my expert role.
Teachers are good at reminding other people's children what the rules are when in a public place. We call it socialisation or Rights and Responsibilities or just good manners.

peeriebear, if the parents have buggered off and left their kids to their own devices, then it is fair enough to make the judgement to say something.

One day at work I came across a large boy (about 12) who had crammed himself into the open top part of a sarcophagus so his parent could take his photograph.

I told him to get out of the object (!) and the parent said "It's just a photograph. He's not damaging anything. There's no sign about it".

Makes yer weep

Karma, repeating your argument doesn't make it more plausible. Your opinion is not equally as valid as someone with more experience that yours, regardless of whether or not they are an expert.

'They chose to do this by rooting in rock pools for shellfish to smash with rocks.'

Did the parents not bollock you for interfering with their natural need to explore scientific phenomena through first hand experience, or tell you they were enacting the roles of hunter-gatherers?
One adult's destructive vandal is another's darling little investigator.

I don't think it is good manners if the parents are there. I consider that to be rude. I think that if you have something to say, you ought to say it to the adult, unless the child is unattended.

I don't care if my calm and civil admonishment to a child breaking a rule is seen as impolite by an adult I don't respect much.
I'd rather act to prevent a problem.

I would have said something to both the children and the parents. if my daughters had misbehaved in public, I would not have minded them being told of by an adult bystander.

I don't think it's "rude" to ask another person's child not to do something if the parent is there and saying nothing themselves.

I think it is remiss of the parent and "rude' of them to force me to do their parenting for them actually!