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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in telling off a stranger's child in a museum?

142 replies

ZillionChocolate · 13/02/2011 10:10

I was in a museum yesterday and was the other side of an exhibit to a family of two boys, maybe 6 and 8 and two older parents/grandparents. The exhibit was a big stone coffin which was roped off, but at a low level and only about 10 inches away. There were small signs that said "do not touch".

One of the boys was running his hands all over the top of the stone, just before we walked away, I said "you're not allowed to touch it". My husband later said I shouldn't have said anything as the father/grandfather was also touching it. WABI?

OP posts:
Bucharest · 13/02/2011 11:25

NBU at all.
If I were with my child and other adults felt the need to tell her off, I'd be mortified and embarassed, and the last thing I'd be thinking of doing would be justifying myself, or her.

fedupofnamechanging · 13/02/2011 11:26

activate I can't change the tone of a post. It's already there. You have just interpreted it in a way that I did not intend. I have not said in any of my posts that I would have allowed it, simply that it is the parents responsibility

sfxmum · 13/02/2011 11:26

I mean he was jumping up and trying to swing from the branch, it would have broken the branch off quite easily

LessNarkyPuffin · 13/02/2011 11:32

What if the parents don't bother?

fedupofnamechanging · 13/02/2011 11:38

Difficult if the parents don't bother. The problem is that we don't have a definite set of things that we all find acceptable or unacceptable. I might allow my DC to do something which another parent would not allow their DC to do and vice versa. I wouldn't like for another person to tell my child not to do something, which I would allow (not referring to this specific case). I would also be reluctant to tell a child not to do something, which might be perfectly okay with their parents.

I think really, you should only interfere if a child is in physical danger or if they are affecting you directly and the parents are not dealing with it.

Just my view though. Going by this thread the majority disagree with me

activate · 13/02/2011 11:42

if a child is going against proscribed rules like walking on a flower bed or touching a do not touch exhibit or swinging from a sapling branch which will cause damage then yes they should be told

Lovecat · 13/02/2011 11:44

The paintings in Tate Britain are at child height. As I discovered when I had to do a superwoman-stylee leap to restrain a 3yo DD when she ran full pelt at a large Burne-Jones screaming 'Dogeeee!' Blush

Lovecat · 13/02/2011 11:45

Ps YWNBU!

LessNarkyPuffin · 13/02/2011 11:46

I can see your point of view. I do disagree because I believe there are times that society - all of us- has to act as the parent if the actual parent doesn't step in.

Throwing stones at birds and picking daffodils from the park are the last two things I had words about.

edam · 13/02/2011 11:50

I have often been profoundly grateful to other adults who have told ds off, as he REALLY listened to them while not taking me seriously. For example, when he was a toddler getting far too noisy with his friend at a church family Christmas service - the service was designed for children, obviously, but they were only two and excited to see each other. I kept an eye on them but a nice elderly lady intervened when they got too noisy running around at the back (just ahead of me, I was about to say something but she got in first). They stopped immediately and came and sat down nice.

Only time I was irritated was an old lady who shouted at 3yo ds when he was playing on some grass at the corner of our street. He ran over to hide behind some trees and this passer-by, who doesn't live in our street, snapped at him saying 'that's someone's garden you know'. Was too busy catching ds (we had to get somewhere) to argue with her but actually the grass is open space, the trees are the boundary of someone's garden and FFS, it wasn't the crime of the century. AND I know those neighbours, they wouldn't be fussed at all.

But I didn't have a go at her. She was OTT but I wouldn't be rude back.

edam · 13/02/2011 11:51

sat down nicely, I mean!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 13/02/2011 11:53

I work in a museum and we don't put signs on things for fun. If it said do not touch there will be a good reason why and it's not for you to decide whether that reason is good enough so yes, you were right to say something.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 13/02/2011 11:56

Karma, with all due respect, you don't know what you're talking about so please don't try to tell museums how to do their job. If it really hurts you that much to respect the exhibits then please stay at home.

sleepwhenidie · 13/02/2011 11:57

Out of interest, what is general view of children telling other children off? They recently built a "living willow" playhouse in my DS's school playground and the day it was finished DS(5) saw a younger boy (about 3) pulling and swinging on the supporting bit in the middle, so started pushing him away, saying don't do that, you'll break it! Younger boy's mum came and complained to me that DS was pushing her boy, so I took DS aside, told him off for pushing, got him to apologise to the boy. Mum then kept on at me saying that DS shouldn't be telling her DS not to break it-"kids are going to pull on it aren't they-if he breaks it then they can tell the teacher"-I was a bit Hmm er, no, probably right to teach younger kids to take care of things? So I refused to tell DS he was wrong for that but the other mum was clearly unhappy with me...

Original poster
ZillionChocolate · 13/02/2011 12:03

As a point of clarification, I said "you're not allowed to touch it" in a normal voice, the same as I might use for "the toilets are over there" or "excuse me please". It wasn't specifically addressed to the child and I said it as just as I walked off so didn't get into a discussion. My DH thought that I shouldn't say anything because the (grand)father was also in the wrong. I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt that they hadn't noticed the sign so hadn't prevented the boy from doing it but joined in instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
ZillionChocolate · 13/02/2011 12:05

sleepwhenIdie - I think you were right not to tell him off. Children aren't given a certificate of social responsibility when they turn 18, it has to develop over time.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 13/02/2011 12:07

I think you did the right thing.

The sign clearly said "Do Not Touch"

It is not for them to decide that they do not have to respect that.

You are requested to not touch.

Oh, everyone else must keep their paws off but I don't have to. I get to touch.

I think not.

fedupofnamechanging · 13/02/2011 12:08

Gwendoline read my posts please before you comment.

I did not say that I would allow my children to ignore the signs. I did say that it is the parents job to tell their children how to behave. It is interesting that you don't like being told what to do, but think it perfectly okay to tell other peoples children what they to do.

I stand by my view that the museum should anticipate that children will touch things if they can and should organise their displays with that in mind.

fedupofnamechanging · 13/02/2011 12:10

I missed out a word. There should have been an 'ought' after they, but I expect you got the gist

activate · 13/02/2011 12:12

but they do protect their exhibits

they put ropes round and do not touch signs

that should be enough in a civilised society

GwendolineMaryLacey · 13/02/2011 12:15

I've read your posts, thank you. Yes, you said you wouldn't let your children touch, fine. But you profess to know better than the people in charge. Putting things behind glass or in cases isn't suitable for everything and can be hideously expensive. The people in Exhibitions are experts at displaying items and they do so in a way that shows them off in the best way possible. I assume you aren't an expert in conservation and exhibitions. Therefore I stand by what I said. If there is a sign there, that should be enough.

fedupofnamechanging · 13/02/2011 12:21

On the whole it is enough. The majority of people wouldn't touch it, or allow their children to touch it. However, you will get people who ignore signs or children who are too young to know and they will be touching things before anyone can stop them. Toddlers can be speedy. They are not necessarily being naughty, they are doing what comes naturally, because children are tactile. For this reason, the museum ought to anticipate and prepare for that.
They make a decision that some things are more likely to be harmed by contact than other things. It's a calculated risk that sometimes someone will touch something they shouldn't.

fedupofnamechanging · 13/02/2011 12:26

Slightly off topic Gwendoline but are you saying that nobody should ever question anything that someone 'in charge' says?You do know that sometimes authority can be wrong?

I accept that you know more about the exhibits than I do, but I do not think it unreasonable to suggest that museums consider that not everyone will obey the signs. I don't think I'm wrong in thinking that the museum will consider some exhibits to be more at risk than others and factor that into their display arrangements.

activate · 13/02/2011 12:31

I don't understand what your issue is with following rules Karma?

Biscuitscoco · 13/02/2011 12:33

Maybe some of us (who can control our own impulses and those of our children) want the opportunity to look at things that are not behind perspex barriers.

I work in a heritage organisation. You would be amazed at the things people do to exhibits (and get annoyed when asked to obey the signs not to touch).