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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m skint and think this is a good way to pay off some debts – AIBU?

592 replies

WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 16:53

I?m a single parent and although I have a day job it?s minimum wage, so like most people money is tight. I have debts to pay off and anything extra is very much needed so I can get back on an even keel. I started doing webcam work a few months ago after a suggestion from a friend who?s in a similar industry (she?s an escort), and it?s helping me to pay off my debts and give me a bit of extra cash to treat my DC. I can?t do a second job outside the house as I have no evening childcare for my DC, so in that respect it?s ideal. At present I only work on the cams for approx. 3 hours on Friday and Saturday nights when DCs in bed and although there are some time wasters on the site I work from, most of the blokes are fine (with some interesting requests!) and I have a few regulars, one of which spends approx £40-50 a time when he has a show with me.

I know the moral majority won?t approve and will say that I?m being exploited, used, abused etc. but they are the ones paying a lot of money to see me put on a show, so surely it's the other way around! I just dress up, watch TV until a show is requested then do a bit of a dance and a strip tease and watch the money to stack up as the minutes pass - so who?s the fool?! I?m not a victim, as I choose to do this and actually enjoy the fact that these men are paying me to put on a show for them. They can?t touch me, have no idea where I live or even what my real name is, so it?s safe from that point of view, and if I don?t like them for any reason I can kick them out of my ?room?. Obviously I?ve only been doing it a few months and the novelty may wear off, but if things go well, my friend has suggested I could branch out into the odd bit of escorting as well to up my income a bit more.

AIBU doing this to make a bit of much-needed extra cash?

OP posts:
LDNmummy · 10/02/2011 18:51

To those people who are talking about male homosexual escorting, there is a massive diffirence when you bring sexuality into it. You can't just say to a man "oh but would you do it if a guy wanted to do you up the bum" as that is not what escorting is like. It is in almost all cases a member of the opposite sex. And the escort can turn it down if she doesn't want to have sex with a woman. No one is going to force her to go against her sexual orientation. Flawed argument.

scurryfunge · 10/02/2011 18:54

Sexuality was raised regarding prostitutes, where sexuality doesn't necessarily matter.

carmenelectra · 10/02/2011 18:54

Thanks meretrix.

I do think it is ok that some men see prostitutes, especially those that you described who have difficulty forming relationships. Its a shame that they can't or won't try and get sex the conventional way but I can understand. Way different to a married man sneaking behind his wifes back.

I do think that some sex workers see themselves as therapists, but apart from thhe small category of men meretrix described that's bullshit.

I personally, do not see escorts, prostitutes, lap dancers as a threat as they do not actively come and find my DP. The men who cheat are the threat to the marriage. They contact these girls which in this day and age, with the internet is discreet and easy.
I can see how women who have had this haPpen blame the sex worker, because let's face it, who wouldn't feel gutted to find out their dp/dh shagged a woman half his age (or whatever attracted him)behind your back.

JimmyChooChoo · 10/02/2011 18:56

LDNmummy-..'understand why other mum forums criticise MN users..'

Well bugger off back to those forums then.

claig · 10/02/2011 19:06

LDNmummy, please stay on MN. I think your posts are great and very polite.

LDNmummy · 10/02/2011 19:07

No I haven't, though I have known people who have. But that is why I don't just go "oh its disgusting" or "oh its absolutely fine". There are ways of looking at things without having to be completely for or against it. Especially when you are not experienced in the subject matter. You can only make a sound judgement from experience of something or having done an extensive amount of research (and I mean extensive).

Most views here are very narrow, there seems to be no effort to see it from the other perspective. I have not said whether I am for or against it as I cannot be arrogant enough to think I know enough about it in the first place to judge to that extent.

As for my opinions as a parent, it is completely different, your child is essentially a person in your care until he/ she is old enough to take care of themself. For that reason you are in control of what direction they go in life. So technically my opinions are not invalid as I have ideas based on the person that I am, and what I consider suitable for my future children and these ideas will govern a large chunk of thier life. These ideas being formulated from my already existent sense of what is moral and the like mean that I already have views before my child is even born. Its different.

I don't think you HAVE to have been one, though I do think prostitutes should obviously be taken for having a more valid opinion than those who have no idea of what it is all about. It would be better IMO to not be so 'for or against' unless you have more to go on than your own sense of morality and newspaper articles or questionable statistics.

LDNmummy · 10/02/2011 19:09

Thank you Claig! Blush

AnyFucker · 10/02/2011 19:10

LDN...I wasn't referring to escorting per se when I asked MrSpoc if he would be willing to facilitate his son renting his anus out to paying punters

There is a very good market for it, I believe, especially the young and un-used ones

he is sooooooo missing a trick

I was reacting to his post about him being totally ok with him facilitating his daughter to rent out her vagina and anus

I just don't think he's thought his arguments through very well...

double standards of the most obbvious kind, methinks

LDNmummy · 10/02/2011 19:11

JimmyChoo - Thats exactly what I mean. If you disagree with what I have said, formulate a reason why, don't just say "bugger off".

JimmyChooChoo · 10/02/2011 19:24

I said that because you have said that MN users are bullies/childish etc.
Prostitution is dangerous.
A woman could be raped or murdered.
The condom could split and she could get HIV/AIDS.
Even if the above didn't happen it could emotionally scar a woman for years.
What if her children/parents found out?
What if she met the man of her dreams and he found out?
I recently read about a pyschopath who seemed 'normal' with a wife etc who used to meet prostitutes in hotel rooms and tortured and murdered them.
I know this doesn't happen to every prostitute and either of us could be raped or murdered but surely you can see that they are putting themselves at risk?
There are some sick people out there.
You said earlier that one of your friends said that prostitution was her 'career choice' that is really sad.It isn't a career.Can you imagine writing that on your CV?

scurryfunge · 10/02/2011 19:26

LDN, I am pretty sure you made some sweeping statements and were judgemental in your earlier posts so I am not sure where the sudden King Solomon wisdom has come from Smile

reluctanthomosapien · 10/02/2011 19:32

OK, LDNMummy.

You have been quite happy to judge posters on here who are against prostitution on the basis that they have no knowledge of the industry, even though you have no knowledge what most of us do or do not have experience of.

You say you are not arrogant enough to pass judgment on others, yet you have labelled posters who don't agree with your POV as the morality bullies (again, with no knowledge of how their moral viewpoint has been formed, eg, through personal experience).

You say you think people with experience of prostitution have the most valid viewpoint, yet defend Mr Spoc, who by his own account, has absolutely no experience; and if he is a man, doesn't even have the experience of having been penetrated in somewhat reluctant circumstances (an experience I, and I imagine, many women, have experienced). But, presumably, you think his viewpoint is valid because it concurs with yours.

Am trying to get my head round your parenthood comments......

LDNmummy · 10/02/2011 19:32

It wasn't a sweeping statement, alot of swearing and calling of names was going on. It was very unecessaryand bullying as a few people ganged up on one or two and proceeded to swear and make personal insults such as "slimball" and "spineless coward". It may have been a two way situation but that doesn't make it better. That is childish and comes under the definition of bullying.

Its not King Solomon wisdom, its just common sense. I would hope you wouldn't talk to someone like that in the street, so why is it ok on here?

Jimmychoo- It is sad in your opinion but not for her. You are imposing your sense of right and wrong on someone else when it does not even affect you.

GORGEOUSX · 10/02/2011 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

scurryfunge · 10/02/2011 19:39

LDN, so can you explain why it is ok for you to judge but not others?

I would be less polite on the street than I am on here anyway in answer to your King Solomon comment.

JimmyChooChoo · 10/02/2011 19:39

LDNmummy-I would say all of this in RL BTW.

And why is it sad in my opinion and not for OP?
What if she was murdered or raped?What if she caught an STD?
What if her children walked in on her doing the 'deed'.
It's not just sad it's depressing.

AnyFucker · 10/02/2011 19:41

GeorgeousX..are you one of them there posters who have come over from another forum to wind people up ?

You are making very like one Smile

JimmyChooChoo · 10/02/2011 19:42

Gorgeousx your name sounds a little netmummishGrin

AnyFucker · 10/02/2011 19:45

btw, capslock is considered very rude and uncouth

were you dragged up ?

reluctanthomosapien · 10/02/2011 19:46

LDNMUMMY said 'You can only make a sound judgement from experience of something or having done an extensive amount of research (and I mean extensive).'

So you can only make a sound judgment that DV is wrong/terrible/destructive by experiencing it yourself or doing extensive research into it?

You can only conclude that racial abuse is really very hurtful and harmful by being on the receiving end or doing extensive research into it?

You can only conclude that eating a dogpoo sandwich is going to be a pretty disgusting experience and will quite possibly make you violently ill by experiencing it yourself or doing extensive research into it.......

Empathy, imagination, your own moral compass on the rights and wrongs of things don't factor in?

LDNmummy · 10/02/2011 19:46

Reluctant

I wasn't defending MrSpoc, was rather pointing out that there was no need for the name calling or personal attacks whether he is right or wrong. And it does not mean I agree with his views or think he has the right to pass judgement either. And so what if I was defending him, it was rude to attack someone personally for thier POV.

I said I was not arrogant enough to say whether escorting was right or wrong as I do not have all the facts. Not that I wasn't arrogant enough to judge the posters on here Smile I have experience of the posters on here as I have been interacting with them all day, so yes I have judged them.

"I have not said whether I am for or against [escorting] as I cannot be arrogant enough to think I know enough about it in the first place to judge to that extent."

As for people being against my POV, no, that is not it. There was actual bullying going on. It was as if disagreeing with them made you morally reprehensible somehow. They themselves were putting forward why they had these opinions so I was not lacking in understanding why they felt it was wrong.

GORGEOUSX · 10/02/2011 19:47

Do your mothers' know you are playing on the computer?

AnyFucker · 10/02/2011 19:48

haha < thunk >

scurryfunge · 10/02/2011 19:50

Sorry, lost me now GrinLDN.

You have been judgemental because you have formed an opinion based on someone's previous postings, yes?

So it is ok to make a sweeping statement if it your own sweeping statement but no one else can make one? Right?

scurryfunge · 10/02/2011 19:51

AnyFucker, you mustn't play MN bingo without us, you know Grin