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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m skint and think this is a good way to pay off some debts – AIBU?

592 replies

WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 16:53

I?m a single parent and although I have a day job it?s minimum wage, so like most people money is tight. I have debts to pay off and anything extra is very much needed so I can get back on an even keel. I started doing webcam work a few months ago after a suggestion from a friend who?s in a similar industry (she?s an escort), and it?s helping me to pay off my debts and give me a bit of extra cash to treat my DC. I can?t do a second job outside the house as I have no evening childcare for my DC, so in that respect it?s ideal. At present I only work on the cams for approx. 3 hours on Friday and Saturday nights when DCs in bed and although there are some time wasters on the site I work from, most of the blokes are fine (with some interesting requests!) and I have a few regulars, one of which spends approx £40-50 a time when he has a show with me.

I know the moral majority won?t approve and will say that I?m being exploited, used, abused etc. but they are the ones paying a lot of money to see me put on a show, so surely it's the other way around! I just dress up, watch TV until a show is requested then do a bit of a dance and a strip tease and watch the money to stack up as the minutes pass - so who?s the fool?! I?m not a victim, as I choose to do this and actually enjoy the fact that these men are paying me to put on a show for them. They can?t touch me, have no idea where I live or even what my real name is, so it?s safe from that point of view, and if I don?t like them for any reason I can kick them out of my ?room?. Obviously I?ve only been doing it a few months and the novelty may wear off, but if things go well, my friend has suggested I could branch out into the odd bit of escorting as well to up my income a bit more.

AIBU doing this to make a bit of much-needed extra cash?

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 10/02/2011 16:38

The difference between escorting and street-based sexwork is that the street sex worker is almost certainly not doing the work out of choice and is in a terrible state physically and mentally. Because street sex work is so very dangerous that no one who feels she has any choice or option will do it.
There are also some sex workers who see themselves as therapists and healers. This may not be a viewpoint you share but it's surely one they are entitled to hold. The obsession with stigmatizing sex work which appears to stem from the idea some women cling to, that 'threats' to their marriage in the form of other women who might be sexually available to their man, are everywhere and their only purpose in life is to enforce monogamy on a man, does no one any good.

JimmyChooChoo · 10/02/2011 16:38

But surely being a driver for your daughter to provide sex is just as bad as a pimp????

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 16:38

i apprecitate some light harted banter scurry, i am just glad some people has a sense of humour on here

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 16:40

SGB Talks a lot of sense. i wonder if she will also get attacked?

JimmyChooChoo · 10/02/2011 16:41

Probably not because she does talk sense whereas you don't.

GORGEOUSX · 10/02/2011 16:42

Don't really know why you've posted about this.

What you do with your life/body is up to you.

Why are you seeking approval/flaming on here?

Does it matter to you what a load of strangers think? I'm thinking it must bother you or why would you ask? Confused

Not sure what you are expecting from this thread.

YANBU but YABU in asking for approval IMO.

reluctanthomosapien · 10/02/2011 16:42

Meretrix, I get what you are saying. However, taking a (for want of a better word) utilitarian approach to it, if my daughter joined the army, I'd be thinking, down side, possible death in action, long periods away in hostile locations, institutionalised attitudes; plus side, education/learning skills you couldn't learn in any other walk of life, amazing travel, comradeship, service to the community at large etc. But above all, personal satisfaction, happiness and fulfilment.

I just don't really see any utilitarian advantage to prostitution. You get money, but it's not easy money, is it? Skills? Well nothing that's going to get you work outside the sex industry. Personal fulfilment and happiness? I'm really not convinced there's a load of happy hookers out there, who could move on to other careers but don't because they enjoy the work. And there are knock on effects to wider society. Generations of men who think wanking into a woman is ok; generations of women thinking this is all they are good for. A sex industry that's pervaded mainstream culture, such that 12 year old wanting pole dancing kits for Christmas is deemed acceptable.

Frankly, I'd feel I'd failed as a parent if my daughter thought there was no other choice in her life but to do this. And I think I'd feel I'd failed my son if he thought paying someone to fuck him is acceptable.

Mr Spoc, since you seem to think fucking for money is a harmless pastime akin to Avon selling, and since it's good enough for your daughter, I'm not sure why you would object to your wife doing it. Because of the sanctity of your marriage?

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 16:43

So far you seem to not have any trouble understaning anything i have posted. I have also failed to see anything useful you have contributed except to try and belittle ppeople who disagree with yuor view point. How narrow minded are you!

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 16:45

reluctanthomosapien i expalined my reasons before. You just do not agree with my opinions. never mind

JimmyChooChoo · 10/02/2011 16:48

MrSpoc-I advise that you sit with your wife(if you have one of course)and show her this thread tonight over dinner.Ask her what she thinks of your comments(re;you'd drive your daughter around to have sex-I could go on and on...)
Or better still show your mother or boss this thread after all as you say 'there's nothing wrong with escorting/fucking for money'.
But you probably wouldn't dare would you you spineless little man?

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

JimmyChooChoo · 10/02/2011 16:55

If it's so successful then why spend so much time on here?

meretrix · 10/02/2011 16:55

carmenelectra Right - the fishfingers are on (kids' supper btw, not talking about the job... snigger, snigger)

To answer your question, the few really downright unattractive ones I actually felt some tenderness towards. There were a couple who were shy (one I suspect was autistic spectrum) to the point of being unable to 'pull'. To turn them down on grounds of looks would have been cruel. I felt (and still feel) that it was about human warmth and affection as well as about getting their end away. Therapy, if you like!

There were a few dickwads, I do admit. I gritted my teeth and thought about the money.

Most men were, well...normal. Chatty, ordinary, nice, spoke respectfully.

Funnily enough, the subject of marriage didn't come up often. To go by houses (photos, toiletries etc) a lot were genuinely single.

More difficult to tell with hotel jobs. Definitely some were married, but didn't seem to want anything more unusal than just straight sex. One of the things that got to me was accidentally seeing a photo of the guy's family in his wallet as he got out the cash. I realised that I didn't want to be complicit in family money being spent on sex with me instead of on the kids.

Doobydoo · 10/02/2011 16:57

My only issue is that it is bonkers that you work full time and have minimum wage which,lets face it isn't enough.
I hope OP that you are ok and also think it is crazy that you should feel the need to do this but am not surorised as being single,having dc and little help does not leave many options!
Haven't read whole thread as cooking tea but am sure you will have conflicting opinions on here!

JimmyChooChoo · 10/02/2011 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

meretrix · 10/02/2011 16:57

Wow this thread is moving too fast for me! Takes a while to try to express what I mean (and often I'm not sure until I've typed and re-typed it). Quite theraputic for me actually.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 16:58

Jimmy, because it is a ltd company and i have people working for me.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 16:58

Please explain how i am spineless. you no nothing about me and yet feel the need to call me childish names. you have issues love.

JimmyChooChoo · 10/02/2011 16:58

You wish love.Grin

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 17:00

would you like my website. i have already given it out a few times yesterday on here to people who needed C.V advice and also job hunting.

You see i do not need to lie and i come here to try and help people not put people down to make myself look big.

JimmyChooChoo · 10/02/2011 17:01

Go on then.Show us all the website.....

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 17:02

well i am not aloud to do it directly but if you are ok with me i will PM you.

meretrix · 10/02/2011 17:06

reluctant 'However, taking a (for want of a better word) utilitarian approach to it, if my daughter joined the army, I'd be thinking, down side, possible death in action, long periods away in hostile locations, institutionalised attitudes; plus side, education/learning skills you couldn't learn in any other walk of life, amazing travel, comradeship, service to the community at large etc. But above all, personal satisfaction, happiness and fulfilment.'

Sorry - long quote for benefit of fast moving thread.

Yes, that is certainly true. I would not say that I got your list of plus sides from working as a prostitute most of the time. There were times that I genuinely did feel I had helped someone. Not enough of those ultimately.

'A sex industry that's pervaded mainstream culture, such that 12 year old wanting pole dancing kits for Christmas is deemed acceptable.'

Aggain, I agree

I need to get things straight in my head. This thread is helping, actually.

silentcatastrophe · 10/02/2011 17:21

I'm glad you're getting things straight in your head, meretrix!!! I'm totally confused. If someone wants to make money from the sex industry, why not? If they are safe and have the support, why not? Frankly, what is wrong with having a little jig in yer knickers and people pay to watch? It is what happens in bars all the time, surely? A boy buys a girl a drink and she does a little dance... Girls come too cheap sometimes!
Dancing alone and shagging are not the same. There is no love to be shared, and no bodily fluids.
Of course there are safety issues and privacy issues. It may be safer to sell something with a more secure framework. Unless the person has very clear boundaries, it is very easy to start doing things you don't want to do.

LDNmummy · 10/02/2011 17:26

The morality bullies are really out in force, obviously anyone who doesn't agree is not only someone to argue against but someone to mock. Its like a playground of 12 year olds on this thread. Typical, adults who cannot formulate an argument without belittling the opposing person.