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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m skint and think this is a good way to pay off some debts – AIBU?

592 replies

WhereTheresAWill · 09/02/2011 16:53

I?m a single parent and although I have a day job it?s minimum wage, so like most people money is tight. I have debts to pay off and anything extra is very much needed so I can get back on an even keel. I started doing webcam work a few months ago after a suggestion from a friend who?s in a similar industry (she?s an escort), and it?s helping me to pay off my debts and give me a bit of extra cash to treat my DC. I can?t do a second job outside the house as I have no evening childcare for my DC, so in that respect it?s ideal. At present I only work on the cams for approx. 3 hours on Friday and Saturday nights when DCs in bed and although there are some time wasters on the site I work from, most of the blokes are fine (with some interesting requests!) and I have a few regulars, one of which spends approx £40-50 a time when he has a show with me.

I know the moral majority won?t approve and will say that I?m being exploited, used, abused etc. but they are the ones paying a lot of money to see me put on a show, so surely it's the other way around! I just dress up, watch TV until a show is requested then do a bit of a dance and a strip tease and watch the money to stack up as the minutes pass - so who?s the fool?! I?m not a victim, as I choose to do this and actually enjoy the fact that these men are paying me to put on a show for them. They can?t touch me, have no idea where I live or even what my real name is, so it?s safe from that point of view, and if I don?t like them for any reason I can kick them out of my ?room?. Obviously I?ve only been doing it a few months and the novelty may wear off, but if things go well, my friend has suggested I could branch out into the odd bit of escorting as well to up my income a bit more.

AIBU doing this to make a bit of much-needed extra cash?

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 15:33

Carma if you go back to the begginging of the thread you will see that i do have some insight into the industry.

Not all women on this site are man haters. but the majority on this thread are. and see men as evil and it is always the mans fault.

Scurry - there is a difference between being a prostitute and Escorting. Escorting you choose if you want to sleep with a particular client.

Queen - are you saying that if you choose to become an Escort then they cannot be intelligent, articulate or can spell?

I can spell but do not both to check what i am writting. so you could say I am just lazy.

reluctanthomosapien · 10/02/2011 15:34

Mr Spoc, as you'd have no hesitation supporting your daughter in a career in prostitution, would you be happy with your wife taking on a few punters if your family was hard up? Or, just because she might find it thrilling?

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 15:36

LadyintheRadiator go back and re-read what i wrote. I never said this site was full of Man Hater's just this thread has attracted alot to it. I actually like this site as I get and give some good advice.

And no i never aid i could sleep with a prozzie and not pay due to my looks.

I aid i do not need to pay for sex with anyone as I have never had a problem with pulling women. This is completely different to what i said.

LadyintheRadiator · 10/02/2011 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Appletrees · 10/02/2011 15:37

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MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 15:37

Yes I would. We are Married.But if she was an Ex Escort then it would not bother me.

scurryfunge · 10/02/2011 15:38

MrSpoc -you are the one who responded to Aitch and stated sexuality was relevant.

You also asked how many prostitutes sleep with women.

Just answering you question.

carmenelectra · 10/02/2011 15:39

Mrspoc,

I haven't said that I am a man hater and I can't really see anyone on here who has.

An independent escort might have some degree of say in who she has sex with as she could turn people away. Unless you see a photo prior though, would you know what a man looked like?

I am sure escorts do not turn men away on the basis of their looks, or they would earn no money. I would guess that most men they see are not the kind of bloke that they want sex with in real life. I agree it isnt exactly like standing on a street corner as they have some element of choice. But surely the whole point is the job isn't really about choosing is it? If they choose who they slept with they would be called lovers or boyfriends.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 15:39

LadyintheRadiator - then read again.

I have two friends. both are Escorts

1 Sleeps with her clients the other does not. What is hard to understand?

And no I do not represent a all men and no where have i said i do.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 15:41

See carmenelectra that is more like a rational post.

I do honeslty belive that the escort is useing her own free will. Just like no one wants to work but they do for the moeny.

LadyintheRadiator · 10/02/2011 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 15:43

Scurry - i appreciate your response.

As a prostitue you generaly are at rock bottom and have very little options or are being forced to do it by someone else, you may sleep with all and sundry but as an Escort you do have more of a choice. you also get alot more money so can afford to turn people/ work away.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 15:45

then why read or respond to my posts? LadyintheRadiator.

I do not care if you agree with me. my personal opinions are just different to yours. I am not saying you are all wrong to belive what you do but at the same time I do not think it is wrong to do this line of work.

JimmyChooChoo · 10/02/2011 15:45

Escort is a glorified word for a prostitute.
Everyone knows that.

If you refuse to believe that Mrspoc then you're even MORE stupid and idiotic than I thought.

reluctanthomosapien · 10/02/2011 15:45

Sorry, just to be clear, Mr Spoc, even if your family didn't need the money, but your wife wanted to do escorting (possibly including sex) for the thrill of it, you'd be ok with that?

scurryfunge · 10/02/2011 15:46

MrSpoc, I think you misunderstood what being an escort involves. There isn't really any choice.

It is still a role that is very much part of the sex industry and the sex industry abuses women.

Some people like to minimise the damage it cause by changing the name of the activity -it is still a destructive activity.

carmenelectra · 10/02/2011 15:50

The is an element of choice, but only in the sense that an'escort' can turn away someone that she may think of as a weirdo or hsa been rough, or whatever.

However, surely she doesnt pick and choose on looks alone? Come on! Bet there isnt a massive queue of gorgeous 25 yr old, single men waiting to pay.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 15:50

I think the Sex industry has a bad rep but does not nesiserily abuses women. Some people in the industry do but not all.

Did you know the sex industry also caters for women? there are loads of Porn videos directed for the women markets.

I understand that Escroting & Protitution are both selling themselfs for money but the two are very different.

meretrix · 10/02/2011 15:51

Cornetto thank you for noticing Smile

I do really think that it's much more complex than it either being downright wrong and exploitative or being totally fine and dandy.

I think you need to be extraordinarily comfortable with your attitude to sex before going into something like this. I thought I was, but actually it affected my sex life for a significant time afterwards.

The safety aspect is something to think about very, very carefully. You do not want people coming to your home - seriously. In fact, if you really are adamant you are going to do this, I would suggest hotels only - no home addresses.

Also, if you think that it is a reliable or lucrative occupation I have to tell you that I was 'on call' sometimes for 8 hours. Often during that time there were only one or two jobs. Once the driver's fee and agency fees were taken into account the wage per hour was actually pretty shit. Yes, there were busy nights but to make the sort of money that pays off large debts and builds extensions money, you would have to be working a LOT more regularly than the twice a month you suggested earlier in the thread.

I would say the majority of calls came very late - between 11.30pm and 3am - not ideal for the babysitting you were talking about.

That's not even accounting for the nights where you've booked a babysitter only to get no jobs at all.

I hope I have managed to give you some useful and practical things to think about. This type of thread understandably tends to focus on the rights and wrongs of the profession, so thought you might appreciate some other details.

adamschic · 10/02/2011 15:51

Haven't read the whole thread but there is a difference between a woman who goes out on a Saturday night, has a few drink bought and might sleep with a man she likes and is looking/hoping for a relationship with, to someone sleeping with a man for money.

ScarlettWalking · 10/02/2011 15:54

MrSpoc

In what ways are Prostitution and Escorting "very different"?

Chatelaine · 10/02/2011 15:58

MrSpoc - are you a man? If so, nothing wrong in that, just intrigued by the choice of name. Is there a connection with "Benjamin McLane Spock", the American pediatrician?

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 15:59

one is on a street corner, has hit rock bottom, on drugs / not always and sometimes being forced to do it by other people.

Escorting - you have a choice who your clients are - is safer to an extent. You do not have to sign up for sex but can be a companion for dates, weddings, events etc.

meretrix · 10/02/2011 16:01

Just seen some more comments

On the 'choice' debate:
Well I often used to turn down requests for things I wasn't willing to do. All but one of the punters complied with this without complaint. One (who I mentioned earlier) did not and took off the condom without me realising. It was stupid of me. I had a feeling the moment I walked in the door that I should have left, but I suppose I was at that 'I'm indestructible 'stage of life Hmm.

An agency will turn down punters on the phone who ask for things you are not prepared to do.

HOWEVER - you will always be at risk of a punter deciding to go ahead anyway. It's a very real risk.

I never turned anyone down on purely physical appearance. I did have sex with some very physically unappealing people.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 16:02

None at all Chatelaine and had to google him.

My name has no real meaning. I just needed some advice one day and came here. I felt it was best to be honest and let people know you are a man as you tend to get more honest responses that way.