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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Looks like IABU for being chubby

108 replies

justcarrots29 · 07/02/2011 14:49

I am fat and people hate fat people. That has been proven in a recent thread. I feel like a failure and a loser because I struggle to not to eat delicious things. Fuck.

Where do I get the motivation to lose 1.5 stone? How do you all stay motivated to say 'no' to all the the nice food and meals and puddings? I expect to get nicely toasted for being lazy and weak willed except I do keep very active (but certainly eat too much).

Go ahead - flame me.

OP posts:
chickencrisps · 07/02/2011 14:52

im fat too but i dont hate fat or thin people

i eat too much obviously but know i could lose it if i really tried

why make yourself upset about it? either accept it or do something about it - thems the choices unfortunately

FabbyChic · 07/02/2011 14:53

Its taken me four months to lose that, my motivation was having to buy a size 16 pair of trousers, and having trouble walking because of the excess weight and the pressure on my back.

I don't have any nice food in my house, I only buy dinners for my son. I don't want to be a 14/16.

Put pictures up of fat people on your fridge.

I haven't got dressed in clothes for months and won't until I have lost the weight. Ive a stone and a half to go.

compo · 07/02/2011 14:54

What recent thread?
I couldn't give a stuff what you weigh!

cees · 07/02/2011 14:55

You don't have to get rid of all nice foods, just cut down on them and cut down on portion sizes, that was the killer for me.

faverolles · 07/02/2011 14:55

"I haven't got dressed in clothes for months"

Are you naked fabby? :o

TheVisitor · 07/02/2011 14:56

I chucked out my scales the other day and it was liberating! I've decided to completely change my thinking about weight and am going to think slim. I'm not going to criticise my wobbly bits, but look at myself and think that actually, I'm rather gorgeous. I've spent too long worrying about how I look and I'm not going to do it any more. Guess what? I've stopped comfort eating. It's weird!

Now, go and put on your favourite clothes, stick on a bit of slap, stick on a smile and enjoy who you are, not what you weigh. xxx

MorticiaAddams · 07/02/2011 14:56

I don't hate fat people but wouldn't want to be fat myself. I know it's very shallow as it's purely on a cosmetic basis that I don't like it.

I did put on a bit of weight a few years ago. I had two horrible situations and became depressed and comfort ate. I was recommended a book called Potatoes Not Prozac which was wonderful.

If you really want to lose weight then you do need to find the source whether it's comfort eating, boredom, etc.

I don't say no to anything but just stop eating when I'm full. It's not anything great on my part as I don't like an overfull feeling and understand it's much more difficult for others.

FabbyChic · 07/02/2011 14:57

Sorry Fav when I mean clothes I mean fitted clothes, Ive been wearing tracksuit bottoms and a hoody that are too big. By normal clothes I mean fitted trousers and a shirt.

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 07/02/2011 14:58

ahh you're lovely!! Give yourself a big hug Grin

(also seeing fabby being naked all though this cold winter - wrap up fabby, get out doors for a walk. It's lovely & makes you feel good)

Tortington · 07/02/2011 15:00

i think what people hate ( if i am on the right thread that you mentioned) is people complaining that they are fat, yet unwilling to do anything about it - or even worse, saying they don't know why they fat.

you know why, i know why i was - i know i needed structure becuase simple solutions like stopping eating once full - was not something i felt able to do.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 07/02/2011 15:00

I sat down and worked out one day that with all of the time I've spent looking on the internet about dressing for my body shape, all the hints and tips and tricks for looking thinner, all the time spent reading motivational books and articles about feeling good about yourself no matter your size, the time idly wondering whether gastric bands are really that dangerous that actually it was a fuck of a lot easier just to eat less and lose some weight. So I am. :)

talkingnonsense · 07/02/2011 15:02

Being fat is not a crime! Ok, so fat you cost the nhs a fortune to cut you out of your house is unfortunate, but clearly an illness, and ordinary walking around fat is not immoral! Think of all the cares and cake shops you are supporting, and how you are not contributing to an image of women as skinny with unfeasably large boobs. Eat healthily if your weight bothers you or is making you ill, but really, a bit chubby is not wrong!

LaurieFairyCake · 07/02/2011 15:06

OP - you're only 1.5 stone overweight, that will probably make you fall into the overweight category.

People do not hate overweight people. People can be afraid or critical of people who are clinically obese.

I apparently am clinically obese according to the bmi calculator - I've never met anyone who was even slightly rude to me for being so.

Unwind · 07/02/2011 15:11

What do you want people to say? Do you want us to act like a US chat show host, and say that big is beautiful and we're all jealous, and it's not something you can help etc etc.

YABU for being fat, in the same way that IABU for being depressed, or my friend is for having OCD. These are things we have to work on, things that make life harder, and we can do something about.

Nobody hates you because you're fat. But they probably do get bored if you keep whining about it, while doing nothing to sort it out.

MoaningMedalllist · 07/02/2011 15:14

I'm fuckin massive i feel your pain

I've been eating all my meals of tiny plates, it shrinks your stomach and your generally less hungry.

its working okay for me, just a tip for motivation

I still need to do more

I'm hitting the slimfast section hard tommorrow lol

BabyDubsEverywhere · 07/02/2011 15:14

Im really fat, i hate it, i wont go on holiday, swimming with the kids, a gym, no where, i just started doing the school run and i hate doing that, would much rather be inside my house whilst im this fat, i assume there will come a point when the need not to be fat will arise, until then i will be fat i spose.

Trouble i find is that as well as being fat, im also a lazy old bag so its quite difficult to do anything about it, the whole moving around quickly thing doesnt appeal, and neither does the not stuffing my fat face with all those lovely goodies Grin

schmee · 07/02/2011 15:29

I agree that people don't like people who are fat. I think people are much less likely to be open to friendship with you, etc, if you are overweight. That's really sad. When I had kids I felt I was relaunched into a predominantly female world where I was meeting lots of people and didn't have my work achievements to give me status. And lots of people seemed to mind that I was overweight.

I worked really hard not to be bothered about my weight (having been bulimic for nearly 20 years from age 12 and anorexic for around 2 of those). But now I find it really hard not to be because I think if I'm judged then my children will be too.

And even friends assume that I want to lose weight. I'm pregnant at the moment, but when not my BMI is probably about the same as the OPs - about 28. I'm quite fit and very active so that BMI wouldn't bother me if I hadn't become aware of other people's negative reactions.

But if you are seeing yourself as weak, you want to make a change and you can't - I can see while people view that as failure.

togarama · 07/02/2011 15:38

If you genuinely hated fat people then I'd be more worried about your mental than physical state tbh...

I feel sorry for people who feel compelled to overeat or undereat because they clearly have a physical or psychological problem.

If you don't have a medical issue, controlling portion size and taking exercise is enough to shift weight slowly.

Crash diets, obsessing over every tiny mouthful of food and getting so personally invested in weight loss that you feel like a failure if it doesn't happen are all useless at best and counterproductive at worst.

Good luck

nancythenaughtyfairy · 07/02/2011 15:50

I battle with my weight, so really sympathise with op. I lack the motivation to resist the goodies, especially when stressed. I find a weekly weigh-in at a slimming club helps; I like the support and social side too. My weight is slowly (very slowly) going in the right direction!

mumto2andnomore · 07/02/2011 16:13

Do people really not like fat people didnt realise ! I have lots of friends, lovely family do they all secretly hate me then ? At 1.5 stone overweight you must be size 14ish ? Hardly fat !

Original poster
justcarrots29 · 07/02/2011 16:15

I expected a real grilling - the usual 'chubby people are weak and lazy' etc. I am not lazy, I look after 3 under 2's for 40 hours a weeks and before and after school children. I comfort eat badly and am stressed because of family and husbands possible redundancy.
I actually do not mind my weight particularly. I know I can lose the 1.5 stone when my head is focused as have lost over 2.5 stone last year. BUT - I hear people say things about size 14/ 16 being fat and therefore I SHOULD be thinking of losing more weight soon. Everyone I know is on slimming world/ weight watchers.

Actually I will keep reading this thread because everyone that has posted on here has had constructive things to say. Thank you Smile

OP posts:
BettyCash · 07/02/2011 16:17

OP, either you decide to change to suit these think you think hate you, or you deal with it.

I don't hate fat people but I can't bear hearing women go round in circles; either you like your size, or you change it. Hating it and doing nothing will leave you miserable.

BettyCash · 07/02/2011 16:18

If you've already lost 2.5 you're a star!

bubblewrapped · 07/02/2011 16:18

Im really fat, i hate it, i wont go on holiday, swimming with the kids, a gym, no where, i just started doing the school run and i hate doing that, would much rather be inside my house whilst im this fat, i assume there will come a point when the need not to be fat will arise, until then i will be fat i spose

but the need is already there. your children are missing out because their mum is too lazy (your own admission) to do anything about her weight.. that is a very selfish attitude :(

dittany · 07/02/2011 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.