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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Looks like IABU for being chubby

108 replies

justcarrots29 · 07/02/2011 14:49

I am fat and people hate fat people. That has been proven in a recent thread. I feel like a failure and a loser because I struggle to not to eat delicious things. Fuck.

Where do I get the motivation to lose 1.5 stone? How do you all stay motivated to say 'no' to all the the nice food and meals and puddings? I expect to get nicely toasted for being lazy and weak willed except I do keep very active (but certainly eat too much).

Go ahead - flame me.

OP posts:
iamabadger · 07/02/2011 16:58

I don't "hate" fat people, but I do think it is a bit naive to say it doesn't hurt anyone else. When you end up in hospital or on benefits because you are too fat to live a normal life then it does affect other people! I've had large patients think they can use me as some sort of frame to pull themselves up on and seen colleagues hurt their backs moving people.

Ormirian · 07/02/2011 16:58

Fair enough nancy. I can see what you mean. THankfully I have met few of them.

prettyfly1 · 07/02/2011 17:01

ahhhhhhhhhhh ok nancy noowwwww I get you - that is annoying.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/02/2011 17:06

I founf my DHs redundancy Godsend in the skinny stakes! I lost 16 pounds over Christmas due to not having th cash to eat out or even to buy cake!

Not saying this is GOOD but it helped me!

HecateQueenOfWitches · 07/02/2011 17:08

""It's just so hard to lose weight, no one understands, I hardly eat anything" and they're telling you this over a big mac and fries."

oh yes. Grin I eat like a bird, I have a Slow Metabolism...

I watched a programme the other week. A chubby woman who had always been big and who was baffled by it. Claimed she barely ate.

She was asked to keep a diary for a week. I think a video diary for a few days and then a written diary for a few days. In addition to this, she had to have daily tests that could - don't ask me how - tell how many calories she'd had.

It found that she underreported her calorie intake by about 60%! Shock and was actually consuming about 4000 calories a day.

So either she was of the 'if I'm standing up / it's the kids leftovers it doesn't count' school of thought and she was seriously deluding herself. Or she knew she was eating loads more but was ashamed and thought that by lying about it, she could make it true.

And, tbh, I think most of those of us who are fat probably do that.

Again, seperate issue from others choosing to be spiteful.

ariane5 · 07/02/2011 17:10

OP you are not a loser or failure.It is hard to resist all the nice things to eat i know only too well.

I dont think its healthy to avoid 'nice' things altogether its better to find healthier alternatives or just have smaller portions.

I dont hate fat people and im sure not many people truly hate fat people. I hate nasty, unkind people. being fat is not a reason to be hated at all.

If you really feel bad and want to lose a bit of weight make a few small changes, try to be a bit more active, but dont hate yourself.

Emmanana · 07/02/2011 17:12

Hecate great post.

This thread also explains why I am very cautious when people tell me of weight loss success. Great for them and I'm really pleased for them, but I try to be careful when wording my reaction, especially when in a large group of people.

'Congratulations' and 'well done' are always phrases I'm very careful with. I would prefer to be encouraging in other ways. 'I bet you feel a lot healthier' or 'How has it made a difference to you?'

There is so much negativity associated with those who are overweight, I consider it insulting to 'congratulate' someone for becoming thin.

Ans what does it say to the friends within the group who are still overweight? I was with a group of colleagues recently when we were joined by someone who hadn't been around for a couple of months and had lost a few stones. I inwardly cringed at the individuals ingratiating themselves - 'Oh you look fabulous' 'Well done you - you look great.'
Well I happen to think the lady in question looked good prior to losing weight. She always dressed nicely, styled her hair etc Obviously not, to the crowd that felt compelled to voice approval of her new look.
There was another girl, on the fringes of the group who appeared a little subdued, who I was talking to later about it,(she is a couple of stones overweight). She assured me, and I very much beleive her, that her quietness was not down to jealousy of the ladies weight loss, or the attention that it was attracting.
'They never thought to comment on her appearance before, it's as if they were so intent on congratulating her on conforming to what in thier eyes was normal and acceptable' she said.
'Even the weightloss lady was getting into the mindset 'Oh I was such a porker before, I looked like a beached whale on holiday'.
No love, losing weight does not justify you being insulting and hurtful to others who haven't managed to yet.'

kepler10b · 07/02/2011 17:13

no one can give you the motivation to lose weight. you have to be motivated yourself. but i'd say "people hate fat people" is not a good place to find motivation.

i don't think people hate fat people. they might not want to have sex with a fat person (although i believe there are chubby chasers you might not want to go there). they might not want to be fat themselves. they might not want their partner to get fat. they might dislike your fatness because it makes them fear for their own will power.

don't get angry with other people because the reality is you hate yourself (or you seem to when you call yourself a loser and a failure).

the choice is this - either you love the eating more or you'd love to be slim more. only you can make the choice. it would be great if we could all slouch around all day eating crisps and chocolate but the reality is no one can do that and be slim and healthy.

softpaw · 07/02/2011 17:14

in my teens,i was so thin they didn't have a name for it..long time ago.i was lucky enough to have my family.every weight issue has a reason..if you are 5 stone or 55 stone..you need to realise why x

softpaw · 07/02/2011 17:23

oh i meant to have my children as in family.and yes it has been hard,the whole weight issue is hard..but then .anyone saying..oh god i'm starving!..needs to look at the news.x

Emmanana · 07/02/2011 17:35

I don't think people who are spiteful, mean , rude, or cruel to those who are overweight, do it because they 'hate' them, anymore than people who take the piss out of disabled people or make rascist and homophobic remarks 'hate' them either.

It's the work of someone who is so insecure that they have to run down others to feel better and superior about themselves.

They're to be pitied, those who seek to draw attention to themselves at the expense of someone else.

It may be hard to comprehend when spiteful remarks, and taunts from those who never really left the playground, but when I hear tossers being nasty and judgey about others, I think it always says more about the perpetrator, than the person it's aimed at...

softpaw · 07/02/2011 17:54

hey,i'm useless at following threads here,bbut i do so hope that wasn't directed at me .

happiestblonde · 07/02/2011 17:56

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. Fact. Write down exactly what you eat. Look on www.caloriecount.about.com, sign up, record it.

Go to the gym.

I wouldn't say people hate fat people but if you don't like being fat then do something about it and you will feel amazing. It's so worth the pain.

junktrunk · 07/02/2011 17:57

Hi everyone seems to think that being fat is something hateful i to hate myself every time i reach for a biscuit, So i decided to sort my self out i rocketed to a sze 18/20 and was 15.5 stone after packing in the fags!
about 4 mths ago i started power walking i feel great my fitnesss levels have improved my clothes fit me better i've even started to run!!! i went to the docs for my pill and when i got weightd i'd acually put on 11pounds HOW HOW HOW i ask myself!!!!
I'm not giving in and i'm gonna keep going,
i hav'nt had a biccy for nearly 3 days and i'm OK Smile ( it was easier to give the fags up than to lose weight)haha

HecateQueenOfWitches · 07/02/2011 18:00

softpaw - I think it was a general remark, not one aimed at you. Just a comment on the topic being discussed.

junktrunk · 07/02/2011 18:01

Sorry blondie but mexican food and a btl of plonk tastes much better than a carrot and a few leaves hahah

Pixieonthemoor · 07/02/2011 18:02

Frankly if you only have 1.5 stone to lose then you are not in too bad a position - there are plenty out there with 4 or 5 stone to lose so the first thing is - take it easy on yourself. If you continue to beat yourself up about it, you will feel down and then comfort eat! I do struggle with my weight (more and more now am getting older) and even the word diet makes me feel ravenously hungry. What you need to do is find exercise that you really enjoy (as opposed to endure and would do anything to get out of). Really go for it on the exercise front and just cut down the crap a bit in your food intake and results will follow! But enjoyment of the exercise is key....

softpaw · 07/02/2011 18:03

i wish someone would say hello softpaw.i feel like im talking into a void,and this isn't the first site that i've asked this.hate or love,or like../hello?

softpaw · 07/02/2011 18:05

oh hecate....how do i see immediate posts??

happiestblonde · 07/02/2011 18:06

I think it's training your mind. I'm 5"4 and about 8 stone 3 which translates to a size 6/8 but I spent the summer in Italy with DP and was a 10 by the time I was back. I know this isn't huge but I've got a small frame so I looked pretty chubby and it made me so utterly depressed I just don't ever eat junk food now and rarely eat carbs - can't remember the last time I ate bread/cake/wheat products but now and then hit the brown rice (then feel guilty). I think it's about preferences, I always feel better if I can see some rib than I would from the temporary enjoyment that comes from like a biscuit.

happiestblonde · 07/02/2011 18:07

hello softpaw :)

softpaw · 07/02/2011 18:07

and how do i seeeee your reply?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 07/02/2011 18:09

softpaw - you are seeing immediate posts. (I assume you mean the very next thing posted after you?) Posts are displayed by the time they are posted. We don't have the facility to choose to post a reply directly to a post on a thread, iyswim.

But that doesn't mean that the post after yours is in reply to what you said. It could be in reply to the initial post, or any post since, or just a general post on the topic, or anything.

The only way to know if someone is talking directly to you is if they mention your name in their post.

normally in bold . I think that is done to make it easier to spot.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 07/02/2011 18:10

softpaw - you just read down the thread. The replies are all there, in time order.

You're new, aren't you? Welcome. Smile

rosieposey · 07/02/2011 18:11

I think that taking the piss out of fat people is an acceptable thing, 50 years ago you could do the same to people of colour or who were disabled and get away with it now you can't so fat people are an easy target.

Ive been fat for a long time and have lost weight/gained weight, done the self loathing and done the opposite end of the scale where i believed big was beautiful too. In the end we all know the risks in being obese, we all know that 90 percent of society thinks that obesity is unattractive (except for 'chubby chasers')as KELPER so succinctly put it Hmm But its such a complex subject its not so easy to just put it in a box and say 'there, thats how to fix it'

There are a great many things that factor in obesity and the complex and varied reasons are not to everybodys understanding, some people have more willpower than others, when it came to giving up smoking i had no problems at all but when i tried to give up eating too much i found it very hard indeed,

I have been on here for nearly three years and there is a definate sneery attitude towards people who are overweight or obese, its seen as weak (which in some ways i suppose it is) but i hate as another poster has pointed out upthread the 'lazy' connotation as in most cases it simply is not true. If you are happy being big then thats great but if you are unhappy being big then you are told to just knuckle down and get on with it - if it was that easy surely people would not stay overweight or obese for long periods of time and would find it a do-able thing as opposed to having to often resort to extremities such as slimming pills or surgery?