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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have never in my life experienced someone in a restaurant refusing to pay their fair share

419 replies

activate · 06/02/2011 10:09

it was so embarrassing ended up with me and Friend B paying over the odds to make up for it

Chinese so all sharing all dishes, china tea, prawn crackers etc

Family A - Mum (not eating but drinks tea), Dad (only ordered soup, but gorged on everything else on table)and 18 year old

Family B - 2 adults

and US - 2 adults, 2 kids (one a 6 year old who barely eats)

Family A mum said he only ordered soup so we're only paying for one adult

divided by 8 (there were 9 of us but she didn't eat) bill was just under £20 each

she said we only pay for what we ordered
she repeated it despite minor protestations that he'd eaten everything - her 18 year old was mortified

I ended up paying £80, Family B paid £50 and Family A £20

am still aghast

would you do it? would you say anything after the fact? am so tempted to email and say wtf were you thinking you fucking freak (she a relative not a friend)

OP posts:
Megglevache · 06/02/2011 15:48

Oh yes agree 100% with expat's last post (she says thinking about her very wealthy PIL who do this kind of thing all the time Hmm)

The last time being when they owed my father £2.5k for doing some work for them that would've cost 8k anywhere else. My dad didn't want to do it but did because of me. MIL refused to pay as sahe said he was family and should do it for free Shock. Just as Expat says it's always these kinds of people that get away with it.

expatinscotland · 06/02/2011 15:54

See, Meggle, knowing them, I'd first made them sign a contract.

Then, I'd have no qualms about taking them to court if they didn't pay.

Because that's how people like this get away with it.

They rely on people not making a fuss because of being considered impolite.

You have to be very insistent with such folk, the point of being forthright/rude, on the spot. They also rely on the heat of the moment to get away with this - bill-paying time when everyone wants to go home, for example.

And then get them OUT of your life as soon as.

I had a date pull the 'Oops, I left my wallet at home!'

Imagine his surprise when I called the waitor over and said, right in front of him, 'It seems X here doesn't have the means to pay. But as that is not my problem, here's the money for my share plus tax and tip.'

Then I got up and left him there.

schroeder · 06/02/2011 16:01

FFS there's a difference between taking no shit and being a cowHmm

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/02/2011 16:02

expat... Brilliant! Grin

ghosteditor · 06/02/2011 16:08

Omg I hate situations like this! Why do people always seem to think that soft drinks and service charges don't need to be covered? I'm vegetarian and hardly drink, so my 'share' of the meal is usually quite a lot less than others'. But I always plan on splitting the bill equally and usually one of my lovely mates will suggest I pay a bit less. If I get involved with sharing bread and olives etc or even just have one glass of wine then I figure I've got to suck it up and pay my share.

Shock at only ordering soup and then guzzling from the rest of the food on the table!

expatinscotland · 06/02/2011 16:09

'FFS there's a difference between taking no shit and being a cow'

So allowing yourself to be ripped off by people who know damn well what they are doing is being a cow.

Hmm

Because skint people, and I am one, are usually the types to explain things beforehand.

And the date. Yeah. First date. He magically didn't have a wallet, didn't want to ring his flatmate to look for it to bring it to him, etc. Right.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 06/02/2011 16:17

Think it should have been discussed beforehand and definitely wouldn't assume to split the bill. Easy enough to say, 'shall we order and pay individually or divide at the end?'

thefentiger · 06/02/2011 16:18

People like this make me cringe !
It is appalling bad manners .
I had a friend who would order tapwater and no food in a Tapas type bar/restaurant-she had always already eaten.
She would then try(read scoff) everyone elses food and then smile sweetly when the bill came and say'I only had tapwater'Shock

cheechee · 06/02/2011 16:20

sounds to me like they were broke and her dh has no will power. They probably only had x amount of money on them.
Don't go out with them again, so you can enjoy yourself next time.

blueshoes · 06/02/2011 16:26

Don't understand why people would do this. You might save a few £££ but end up being ostracised/made a laughing stock.

Meanness to this extent must be a sickness.

MsKLo · 06/02/2011 16:30

Oh expat what a great story! At least you found out quickly that he was a tight knob!

QOD · 06/02/2011 16:30

TEXT TEXT* TEXT

what did it say!!

cyb · 06/02/2011 16:39

I hate sharing food

I think there is an unspoken ruule that evryone orders reasonably similarly priced dishes so it balances out

But I have been at the receiving end of a bill where lots and lots of booze was ordered and drunk, not by me, and no one has said 'Oh cyb didnt have any of that wine'

And you Do feel mean if you point it out and resentful if you don't

5DollarShake · 06/02/2011 16:48

Are people just blatantly not reading the threa?!

It has been said on practically every page - they weren't broke! They're not poor! No misplaced sympathy on this front!!!

Kewcumber · 06/02/2011 16:50

I don;t drink but I never have a problem splitting the bill with drinkers provided they are not absolutely leathering it. I accept that I split the bill because I am going out for an evening out not to buy groceries and take them home withme.

I'm skint and have no problem with splitting (though probably go out a bit less because of that). Obviously if I were only having a drink and not eating I would say up front - does anyone mind if I just pay for my own drinks.

Or if you don;t like sharing food, quite OK to say "I hate sharing food, is it OK if I just order my own"

But Family A were taking the piss big time.

OP if you have the nerve next time a meal out is suggested just say "sorry it cost us too much to feed your family last time, we won;t be doing that again"

MrsTittleMouse · 06/02/2011 16:56

Oh, I know that Family A were not poor, just cheapskates, I'm going off on a tangent. :) All my sympathy is for me. Grin

Our friends would be fine if we told them, by the way, it's just that DH's pride would be wounded.

While I am off on a tangent (:)), the other thing that really bugs me is doing tapas (or other sharing food) with non-vegetarians. I end up finding it a great way to lose weight, as they always like the look of the vege food and take their "fair share" of it, forgetting that it's the only bloody thing that I can eat! Again, very difficult to say something without sounding very "me, me, me!", particularly as tapas/Chinese etc. is supposed to be about sharing.

52Girls · 06/02/2011 17:05

If you go out as a group..part of that evening is splitting the bill between you. That is why you go out with FRIENDS. You don't quibble over a few pounds...otherwise they wouldn't be FRIENDS ...would they?

...Wonders if all the tight people charge for dinner parties per head?!

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 17:07

Nobody can truly know if another family is poor unless the family n question has shown them their tax return!

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 17:08

52girls is it? Confused first I''ve heard of THAT little "rule"!

Not in my circle it's not.

52Girls · 06/02/2011 17:10

Didn't say it was a rule, did I?

My opinion though. You don't have to agree. Smile

HHLimbo · 06/02/2011 17:13

Oh wait, the bill came to about £20 each divided equally, and there are 4 of you in your family.

Then after discussions you paid £80?
I really dont see what you are complaining about! The other couple presumably ate/drank more because they paid an extra £10 not you!

Therefore, YABU.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 17:19

HHLimbo...OP states that her family has one 6 year old who barely eats...but you make a good point. She said that her family is 4...so the other child must eat a decent amount...meaning that the OP might have been happier paying £60?

Not sure...wish OP would come back as it's bugging me now.

fluffygal · 06/02/2011 17:21

HH- But the OPs child only had soup. Just like the skinflint.

manicbmc · 06/02/2011 17:21

I reckon OP has paid about £10 over the odds. Couple B have also paid about £10 over the odds. Still doesn't change the fact that family A have taken the piss.

Mahraih · 06/02/2011 17:32

Haha, this is a really amusing thread.

They sound like chancers, and very rude (to be that rude takes guts, or extreme stupidity).

When in a restaurant, assume people will split. If I'm having a meal with close friends, we do make sure we're all paying for what we've ordered, because we all know we're ALL broke - at least then people are paying for what they chose.

But generally, be prepared to pay for a bit of someone else's steak, or their cocktail. The only time I've resented paying for other people's alcohol is while being pregnant - but still keep my mouth shut and normally someone remembers.

Politeness, whatever happened to it!?