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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have never in my life experienced someone in a restaurant refusing to pay their fair share

419 replies

activate · 06/02/2011 10:09

it was so embarrassing ended up with me and Friend B paying over the odds to make up for it

Chinese so all sharing all dishes, china tea, prawn crackers etc

Family A - Mum (not eating but drinks tea), Dad (only ordered soup, but gorged on everything else on table)and 18 year old

Family B - 2 adults

and US - 2 adults, 2 kids (one a 6 year old who barely eats)

Family A mum said he only ordered soup so we're only paying for one adult

divided by 8 (there were 9 of us but she didn't eat) bill was just under £20 each

she said we only pay for what we ordered
she repeated it despite minor protestations that he'd eaten everything - her 18 year old was mortified

I ended up paying £80, Family B paid £50 and Family A £20

am still aghast

would you do it? would you say anything after the fact? am so tempted to email and say wtf were you thinking you fucking freak (she a relative not a friend)

OP posts:
LeQueen · 06/02/2011 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mixedmamameansbusiness · 06/02/2011 14:59

I was a bit shocked by the FIL thing.

MrsTittleMouse · 06/02/2011 15:01

We've had this problem with friends. Trouble is that they all bought their houses 10 years before us and (and bought in cheaper areas) and so aren't saddled with the mortgage that we have. But DH has a decent job and so it just doesn't occur to them that we might not have much money to spend on going out. They aren't mean, they just haven't twigged. And it's too embarrassing to tell - DH would be mortified. So we order the cheapest off the menu and have the DCs pick from ours, and they go all out and then suggest that we split. And it only ever "evens out" if you're all in the same boat and all as frugal (or not) as each other.

I suppose that it's lucky really that we live in different bits of the country and don't meet up much.

LeQueen · 06/02/2011 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTittleMouse · 06/02/2011 15:03

I would love to be relaxed. But we just don't have the money right now. :(

AnnoyingOrange · 06/02/2011 15:05

yes easy to be relaxed if you can afford it.

LeQueen · 06/02/2011 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/02/2011 15:07

FairhairedandFrustrated... Ouch! It does get a bit cringey sometimes, doesn't it? It's easily done though. Blush

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/02/2011 15:12

LeQueen... Agree, straight talking and being upfront is best, avoids any bad-feeling or embarrassment... but perhaps some people find it very hard to do that?

MrsSalvatore · 06/02/2011 15:12

omg that is scandalous!! i also have some friends like this Hmm and i have learned my lesson the hard way!!

moid · 06/02/2011 15:19

I was a student and arranged a golf game at my parents club for American city lawyer and friend also rich American lawyer, they suggested that we went out for food afterwards. Thought they would pay for me, didn't ok, swallowed that but when friend picked up the bill and said that he would claim it on expenses I almost fell off the chair. Tosser, if only I had not been 20 and they were late 30's....

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 15:23

Well I would find it hard to admit that! It's a case of "Well why come out fr dinner then" in't it?

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 06/02/2011 15:27

" but I think if you're among friends then you can be honest and say 'We're skint tonight, so we're going to have a separate bill, okay'

There's no shame in that, and if they're real friends they wouldn't care at all."

agree totally.

And if they do care - then I'd be questioning why I was "friends" with them at all.

expatinscotland · 06/02/2011 15:29

I would never speak to Family A again. EVER. I'd tell them to their face that I don't hang out with tight-fisted fuckwits.

But really, your clue should have been when she ordered nothing to eat and he only ordered soup.

That's how cheapskates operate.

I'd have right then and there said, 'Oh, you're not eating! On a diet then?' And the second he reached in to eat stuff, I'd have called his cheap ass on it, 'Hope you don't think you're going to get out of paying for that if you're eating it! Haahaa. Because you're not.'

I've been burned way too many times by bastards like this.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 06/02/2011 15:30

I agree work v family and friends is different.

5DollarShake · 06/02/2011 15:30

Fair - you feel bad?!! Shock

I can't believe your FIL only paid for his son, and not you! And you still feel bad about this!!

Back on topic, am dying to know what the text said!

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 15:30

I wish you had been there for the OP expat! Grin

expatinscotland · 06/02/2011 15:31

If I'm out with people who don't drink (which is never) then I wouldn't drink either. So no quibbling.

But I'm all about just splitting things, no calculators and tacky arse - 'Oh, I only had beans and water' shite.

If I can't afford to split it, I don't go.

expatinscotland · 06/02/2011 15:34

Oh, Wimple!

One night I was on a works do. I was the secretary at a university and the whole department went.

It was gonna be one of those nights so I saved up £100 because fuck it, I knew a hard core group of us were also going to go pub crawling afters.

Needless to say, I was sat at the end of the table with the seasoned drinkers and proceded to have a brilliant time.

Threw £50 on the table (as did everyone at that end) and went out for a smoke with some, to wait for the non-smoking drinkers to join us to party.

They came out chuckling.

The best-paid professor in the department drank tap water and took out a chequebook and paid up £15. For him and his wife.

Haahaahaa.

No one ever wanted to go out with him!

Megglevache · 06/02/2011 15:35

I'm sorry but that would put me off ever going out with them again- fair dos if they drank tea and had nothing else but to order soup and then troff on what everybody had ordered happily only to say after the meal I'm paying £20 is so trashy. Shock

However I remember once going out when I was pregnant and I drank two tomato juices and my very pissed friends insisted I pay the £23 everybody else had paid for their cocktails as it was a fair split....erm no I don't think so Grin

When it comes to going out for lunch or dinner though it's a straight spilt or you pay today I'll pay next time.

DesertOasis · 06/02/2011 15:36

A few of regularly went out for dinner and another friend joined us on 2 or 3 occasions.
So, each time we would say who wants wine etc and she would say 'me'. Ordered bottles of wine as requested by everyone. Each time she said I only had half a glass or one glass etc and that's what I am paying for.
WTF....anyway we all got fed up subsidising her and will never have her in our company again.
Also why do these people never pay more than you in their sorting out of their own bill and how come the same people (me)always end up paying the extra needed to finalise the bill.
All this to save themselves 3 or 4 quid.

Jacksmama · 06/02/2011 15:38

WHAT DID THE TEXT SAY??????

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 15:39

I know 5Dollar! If my in laws took D out for his birthday they would never dream of letting his date pay for herself!

expatinscotland · 06/02/2011 15:39

Seriously, activate, you have to get extremely ballsy with pisstakers like this because they rely on everyone's politeness to get away with ripping you off.

If you give it right back to them, they back down.

The best thing is to cut them out of your life and tell them why.

The more people who get the balls to do this, the more they realise their behaviour is unacceptable and well, it means you no longer have to put up with it so it's good.

Just say, 'I've thought about what happened yesterday. Your actions made me realise my friendship is only worth money to you and you respect me so little you take me for a mug and take money out of my pocket. That really hurts. So from now on, we're through. Have a nice life counting your gold alone. '

expatinscotland · 06/02/2011 15:45

IME, the people who do this are never the most skint/poorest/lowest-earning.