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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have never in my life experienced someone in a restaurant refusing to pay their fair share

419 replies

activate · 06/02/2011 10:09

it was so embarrassing ended up with me and Friend B paying over the odds to make up for it

Chinese so all sharing all dishes, china tea, prawn crackers etc

Family A - Mum (not eating but drinks tea), Dad (only ordered soup, but gorged on everything else on table)and 18 year old

Family B - 2 adults

and US - 2 adults, 2 kids (one a 6 year old who barely eats)

Family A mum said he only ordered soup so we're only paying for one adult

divided by 8 (there were 9 of us but she didn't eat) bill was just under £20 each

she said we only pay for what we ordered
she repeated it despite minor protestations that he'd eaten everything - her 18 year old was mortified

I ended up paying £80, Family B paid £50 and Family A £20

am still aghast

would you do it? would you say anything after the fact? am so tempted to email and say wtf were you thinking you fucking freak (she a relative not a friend)

OP posts:
WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 12:41

I have seen it quite often...maybe I know a lot of tight wads! Grin

I would rather do the whole "Oh dont worry and I'll make it up" as I find it painful when it happens.

ZZ have you never eaten in a chinese or INdian and just hd everyone stick to their own dishes? I have...I have done both...but in Chinese...you order a main..duck or whatever..and rice to go with it...and that's that...why do people need to share?

ZZZenAgain · 06/02/2011 12:42

Chinese or Indian, no really not IME, we just order a whole lot of different dishes and everyone helps themselves (which is partly why I like those restaurants for laid back meals)

ZZZenAgain · 06/02/2011 12:43

only person I know like this is my brother and he is one walthy and tight-fisted man I can tell you that. Legendary in the family.

ZZZenAgain · 06/02/2011 12:43

that's wealthy not walthy. Brother is rolling in it but you would never know

taintedpaint · 06/02/2011 12:45

Ooh there's been a development! What happened with the texting?!

Disclaimer: yes I'm being nosey, but I'm also Angry on your behalf!

ThreeBubbasAndManyBumps · 06/02/2011 12:46

I would be fuming!! Any chance you could wind back time, leave the money your family and Family C owe on the table and leg it out of the restaurant, leaving Family A to pay the rest??

No?

Cheeky fuckers that they are, def. don't go out again. Don't go for coffee. Or, better still, do go for coffee with other friends and offer to buy other friends a cake or coffee and snub her. Be childish. Ooh, I'm fuming on your behalf!!

ZZZenAgain · 06/02/2011 12:46

owt? wot?

Axtually I told a lie, now I 've thought about it I have been to Indian restuarants wihout this sharing aboutof food

softglowsandmaybes · 06/02/2011 12:49

Sounds to me like family A were hard up and couldnt really afford the meal, hence the father only asking for soup (and pigging everything else!) and the mum only drinking tea Blush. If i had been family A under those circumstances i would have made my excuses and not gone suggesting maybe meeting afterwards for drinks.

But then if i were family B + C and knew family A were hard up i might have said, ahh don't worry, you can treat me next time, after all everyone always orders too much at these affairs so even though the father did eat other bits and peices it probably would have been ordered anyway

ZZZenAgain · 06/02/2011 12:50

she has said they are not at all hard up though

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 12:52

That's what I said softglow...it sounds like the couple had agreed to only have a starter and then he chowed down regardless and she wa pissed off so was making a point to HIM about the cash they had agreed not to spend.

Why didn't they stay at home I wonder?

Makingaminime · 06/02/2011 12:52

Some people are tight and some people are thoughtless. I have learned who falls into these variuos categories amongst my friends and avoid ever sharing/booking anything as I always get the shaft. Afraid you just have to put it down to experience.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 12:53

Has she? Maybe they are and the OP doesn't realise? Maybe they've got a fetish for embarrasing scenes?

LetThereBeRock · 06/02/2011 12:53

I've never eaten in that manner,in Chinese and Indian restaurants,with anyone other than my immediate family,ZZZ.
I prefer to order my own dishes,and no one has ever suggested we do otherwise.

Tapas is a different matter,but even then I generally prefer ordering my own dishes when out with friends,and not family. Partly because I tend to like dishes that friends aren't generally very fond of.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 12:55

I once knew a girl a Uni who said to a guy "You owe me half a bag of oranges!"

Apparently they had shared four oranges on a long tran journey...he never realise he was in debt!

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 12:56

That's how I feel rather LetThereBeRock.

I'm like Joey from friends.

{doesn't share}

LetThereBeRock · 06/02/2011 12:59

I'll share with my mother,and with my dp,and that's it. No one else,unless we're having tapas,and even then I don't like it.

If I'm paying to eat out then I want to be able to order what I like,and not have to restrict my choices because others aren't fond of squid or game.

LetThereBeRock · 06/02/2011 12:59

I'm glad I'm not alone in this.Grin

Original poster
activate · 06/02/2011 13:00

This was a family meal - sister / cousin

OP posts:
MoonGirl1981 · 06/02/2011 13:01

I think you learn by these experiences. I have friends I wouldn't 'split bills' with although most of them have no problem.

Most memorable one was splitting a bill 8 ways in an Indian restaurant (was 8 of us) and as we were leaving one guy was given the two bottles of wine he'd 'bought' to take home!

I was a tad peeved about that one! These bottles were £15+ each.

kittybuttoon · 06/02/2011 13:03

Tip to avoid embarrassment if you are skint:

There is always the option of saying to the waiter 'I'd like a separate bill for myself, please' when ordering.

The rest of the party can then either say the same, or tacitly agree to split the bill at the end.

I have a mate who usually says this. Don't know why she does - never asked. None of my business. I like her company and admire the pleasant, assertive way she asks for what she needs.

As for Family A, well - words fail me. Socially inept and selfish don't even begin to cover it. They are oafs (oaves?). Avoid!

amberleaf · 06/02/2011 13:04

Must say im nnot a fan of eating in this way, i like what i like and i want to eat what i order!

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 13:04

Plus LetThereBeRock I have OCD and find some people have gross habits...such as putting in fingers to taste.

[faints]

Gay40 · 06/02/2011 13:05

This is the sort of situation which I wholeheartedly avoid - to the point of refusing to go out with people who argue the toss about the bill. I find it mortifying when people say "Well I didn't have a pudding" and then someone else starts debating how much wine was had.
It should be either just split evenly or if there are income issues, people paying their fair share.
I don't drink, so often people bring this up as a reason for me to pay less, but I tell them soft drinks are about the same price as alcohol.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 13:05

WHO gave him the wine though Mongirl?

The waiter?

WimpleOfTheBallet · 06/02/2011 13:06

kitty Would it be "Oafish"?