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Original poster

I have never in my life experienced someone in a restaurant refusing to pay their fair share

419 replies

activate · 06/02/2011 10:09

it was so embarrassing ended up with me and Friend B paying over the odds to make up for it

Chinese so all sharing all dishes, china tea, prawn crackers etc

Family A - Mum (not eating but drinks tea), Dad (only ordered soup, but gorged on everything else on table)and 18 year old

Family B - 2 adults

and US - 2 adults, 2 kids (one a 6 year old who barely eats)

Family A mum said he only ordered soup so we're only paying for one adult

divided by 8 (there were 9 of us but she didn't eat) bill was just under £20 each

she said we only pay for what we ordered
she repeated it despite minor protestations that he'd eaten everything - her 18 year old was mortified

I ended up paying £80, Family B paid £50 and Family A £20

am still aghast

would you do it? would you say anything after the fact? am so tempted to email and say wtf were you thinking you fucking freak (she a relative not a friend)

OP posts:
zipzap · 07/02/2011 11:21

DH had a bad experience when he was a sponsored student - half the time at uni, half at work and a little bit of pay so things very tight.

When he went out with his work colleagues he would have a beer and cheapest main course because it was all he could afford and even that was a stretch. most people just ordered normal amounts. Head of department ordered most expensive starter, main course and pudding. And three bottles of the most expensive wine of which he had most of - other people had ordered either house wine or next one up.

At the end of it he was the one that announced they would be splitting the bill between them - and was the one that was very cross that first dh and then everybody else asked for their bills separately and he was left with a huge bill for his meal that he clearly had not intended paying his fair share of.

he did have a history of this though, think it was as dh was there and a student therefore obviously earning significantly less than everyone else that it gave everybody courage to say 'oh yes, much better for dh to pay just for his. and while we are at it, let's just pay for our own too.'

I think if you are out with friends or colleagues who all order pretty much the same sort of thing then it does work itself out over time and a pound or three here or there it's easy not to care or worry about.

However, if you have one person who deliberately orders as much as possible every time so that their personal food and drinks bill is coming in at approx £125 when other peoples are coming in around £25 +/- £5 then no way should they be expecting other people to share the cost or be outraged if they don't want to. absolutely right in those instances for people to opt out of paying for him.

And it's doubly ShockHmmfor him then to moan that he wouldn't have chosen expensive things if he knew he had to pay for them - when as head of department he knew he was the best paid of the lot of them there.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/02/2011 11:22

LeQueen... and that's the rub, isn't it - the almost pre-meditation. It's nothing to do with being generous and open-handed, it's being taken advantage of that's the issue really. That's how I feel anyway.

What methods do you friends use to get you to stump up?

Perhaps there ought to be a list so that we can arm ourselves. Shock

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/02/2011 11:25

Exactly so, ZipZap... it seems to be 'intentional' in so many cases and that's really unfair.

I don't care how 'good' a friend it is either... you might be a good friend to them but they certainly aren't being a good friend to you, they're taking advantage of a good and generous nature and that's mean.

melikalikimaka · 07/02/2011 11:26

I know a 'friend' who has only had one party for her DD, in the summer. She put on a buffet[not great] had it all out in the garden in the sun. eg, chicken drumsticks, curly sandwiches etc.
Not all of it eaten, so she saved the left overs and lived on it for 3 days!

Her partner is my DH friend and he maintains that they ate that chicken for 3 days.

That is so mean.

melikalikimaka · 07/02/2011 11:29

I used to buy theatre tickets for us and two couples. One couple always reciprocated and bought us tickets, but the other couple never did.

I don't do it anymore.

zipzap · 07/02/2011 11:31

LeQueen would you have just paid up in dh's situation when somebody who you knew earned significantly more than you spent over £100 more on their own food and drink than anybody else at the meal because they were expecting that they would just split the bill and not argue with him because he was the boss?

That's just bullying in my book - and I would certainly begrudge every penny extra he added to my bill.

But with my real friends and decent colleagues, they wouldn't do that so it wouldn't even be an issue. it's not just about the person paying, it's about the people that deliberately set out to manipulate the shared bill to get as much as possible and damn the others!

Morloth · 07/02/2011 11:33

What should she have done with the chicken? We are still eating leftovers from a dinner party on Saturday.

LetThereBeRock · 07/02/2011 11:34

'I don't care how 'good' a friend it is either... you might be a good friend to them but they certainly aren't being a good friend to you, they're taking advantage of a good and generous nature and that's mean.'

Very true,Lyingwitch.If you're a half decent person you wouldn't dream of doing that to anyone,and certainly not to someone who's supposed to be a friend. I can't see how anyone who does this could be considered to be a good friend.

LeQueen · 07/02/2011 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetThereBeRock · 07/02/2011 11:36

There's nothing wrong with eating leftovers,but I certainly wouldn't want to eat any that had been lying out all afternoon in the sun. I'd rather waste food than risk food poisoning.

LetThereBeRock · 07/02/2011 11:38

And these are the people that you call good friends,Lequeen?Shock

minxofmancunia · 07/02/2011 11:39

melikali I feel your pain with your sister.

Mine comes to visit once a month to babysit. She comes in having not eaten all day "to save herself" heads straight for the fridge opnes the door goes "mmmmn!" when she sees what's inside makes several pieces of toast/crackers/other snacks without offering anyone else.

When we used to visit her we had to take milk and tea with us because she didn't "use" them so never had them in. Once there she wouldn't even nip out to the shop to get them expected us to Hmm. No food in either always have to go to a cafe where she would try various subversive methods to get us to pay Hmm.

One time she had a "soiree" and invited a few people to bring a bottle of wine and a bowl of food which was all to be shared. Fair enough. I arrived with 2 delicious (although I say so myself) home made feta cheese vine tomato and basil tartlets. She promptly put them both in the fridge and said "great, that's my lunch for the week". I went and got one out and ate it!!!

And just one more tale of extraordinary money grabbing (literally) behaviour. her and 3 other friends had a joint 30th birthday party. Venue free, paid bar, bring your own food again Hmm. The ONLY cost was 2 doormen at a cost of £30 each for the night. So they came round with 2 buckets asking for a donation of a pound each!!! Twice during the evening!!! I didn't go but a mutual friend told me about it I was aghast!!

Morloth · 07/02/2011 11:39

Meh, I sniff it and if it smells OK I eat it, it is a trusted method in this house.

We are all in constant rude good health.

LeQueen · 07/02/2011 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minxofmancunia · 07/02/2011 11:43

My sister is on £28k pays £180 a month rent and a bit of car finance. She has far more disposable than I do Hmm

LetThereBeRock · 07/02/2011 11:43

I think it's madness that you consider people like this to be a good friend.Good friends don't pat you on the back with one hand,while stabbing you in the back with the other.

It particuarly amazes me because you don't seem like the sort of person who'd tolerate any sort of nonsense from others.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/02/2011 11:44

I agree that it's some subtle and perhaps not-so-subtle bullying when people manoeuvre others to pick up the tab all the time.

From my perspective, I consider myself to be generous, I don't count what I give and never have but the emphasis is on what I choose to give, not what other people think they have the right to take. Does that make any sense?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/02/2011 11:46

LeQueen... it sounds as if it's kind of complicated but if it works for you and you really don't mind, then great.

Just a question though... if YOU didn't have money for whatever reason... would THEY pick up the tab for you?

melikalikimaka · 07/02/2011 11:46

minx at least there's two of us with this problem, but haven't the heart to tell her straight 'You are a mingey cow!'

I'm a bit funny with out of date stuff, I've got an unopened packet of ham, dated yesterday. Dog or me? I thinks Dog.

LeQueen · 07/02/2011 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeQueen · 07/02/2011 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/02/2011 11:50

They're masters of the game then... just take plenty of tenners out with you so that you've always got change to enable them to (painfully) break a second £20... Grin

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 07/02/2011 11:52

If my "disposable" income was a little higher I would have o problems with chipping in extra (like putting in £40 if I only had £20's and the actual cost with £30's) right now I can't.

However, on a similar sort of note my best friend still hasn't let me forget the time she invited me to hers for dinner. I'd recently split from exH and was in a mess mentally. We'd been out shopping for the day and she decided rather than just drop me home and leave me on my own I should go round to hers.

So I did - except neither she (nor her DH) cooked dinner as I'd expected - they ordered a take-away.

I was Blush - and,knowing she probably wouldn't accept cash from me before I left later in the evening I left £10 on the kitchen worktop with a note for my share of the take-away.

That was 3yrs ago now and she's never let me live it down.

I would love to be the sort of person who just chips in extra, pays for someone else, etc, but right now finances don't allow. Often I have to choose between staring at my own 4 walls - or asking to pay my share individually (but rounding up so calculating to the exact penny as I mentioned above).

IME it's never "only been £3-4 or £6.99" (to quote examples) the difference between if I'd paid individually or split. It's always been at least £10 (often more)

LetThereBeRock · 07/02/2011 11:53

They're being a bit silly? That's one way of putting it.

It does seem complicated,but the meanness,no matter how kind and helpful they are in other respects,isn't something I could tolerate.

melikalikimaka · 07/02/2011 11:53

Trouble is I am a bit more well off than most of my family.
But my brother is getting mean as well, I nearly had an argument with him the other day over getting a lift to a funeral, he wouldn't do it cos his car is not reliable. I had to make my own way there and he was already there when I arrived. Is that not mean, he couldn't make a small detour?