I have never in my life experienced someone in a restaurant refusing to pay their fair share

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it was so embarrassing ended up with me and Friend B paying over the odds to make up for it

Chinese so all sharing all dishes, china tea, prawn crackers etc

Family A - Mum (not eating but drinks tea), Dad (only ordered soup, but gorged on everything else on table)and 18 year old

Family B - 2 adults

and US - 2 adults, 2 kids (one a 6 year old who barely eats)

Family A mum said he only ordered soup so we're only paying for one adult

divided by 8 (there were 9 of us but she didn't eat) bill was just under £20 each

she said we only pay for what we ordered
she repeated it despite minor protestations that he'd eaten everything - her 18 year old was mortified

I ended up paying £80, Family B paid £50 and Family A £20

am still aghast

would you do it? would you say anything after the fact? am so tempted to email and say wtf were you thinking you fucking freak (she a relative not a friend)

ermm - that's not how I read Morloth's post at all.

I read it as "if someone only orders a little amount and they want to pay seperately that's fine"

But don't effing well order a tiny amount, then scoff everything else that's put on the table and then expect to only pay for what you ordered. (which is fair enough).

And as for the "rich men" comment - I just took that as meaning that fortunately for Morloth and her friends they are now living comfortably enough to not have to worry about splitting, or working out "how much" - rather just take it in turns to pay for the meal (And then end up arguing about who paid last time). I'm presuming the "rich men" are the DH/DP's of the "girlfriends".

You don't have to be staggeringly rich to be able to afford to do that, especially if it's only a smallish group of you going out.

Pretty much Baroque there is the knowing eye roll while we go off and do something while they figure out who has the bigger willy.

You can read it like that if you like HHLimbo we are pretty comfortable these days, hasn't always been that way. Most (not all) of the people I am going out for a communal meal with will be comfortably off as well. That's the way it goes, many of our friends are in the same age bracket, with similar jobs and similarly aged children, lots are old uni friends. If we are going out as opposed to having friends over then we are probably going to a pretty flash restaurant as well. Am not at all sorry about that. Quite happy about it in fact.

Really don't mind floating people who can't afford it, not a problem at all but when I am eating out with someone who I know needs to count the pennies unless I am inviting them for lunch (where we pay) I am not going to invite them to say Tetsuyas, would be much more likely to go to Chilis or better yet, invite them here for lunch and skate around the whole issue.

Not quite sure where I was being hypcritical, I will take snobby, not not hypocritical.

Ouch.

My worst experience like this was when I was a student. A group of us were taking out a good mate for a birthday meal and wanted it to be especially nice as our mate was having a really horrible time just then. We agreed to split the bill but as my loan had just come through we used my card and everyone said they'd pay me back their share and some to cover the birthday guy's food and drinks.

It was about 50 quid a head which was a huge amount for us back then, and 3 people didn't pay me back. A further guy paid me back 20 instead of 50 as it was 'all he could manage'.

I learned my lesson there. Still feel fucking cross about it though.

I had a similar experience with a joint gift LittleRedDragon, also a student at the time so totally broke. We were all supposed to put in for a voucher for a friends wedding and lots of people saying 'Yeah, no worries I will give it to you next week blah blah'.

I was young and naive, never again, and like you it still stings. Now if I am co-ordinating a gift I get the money first, if you don't put it your name doesn't go on the card. Simple.

Yep, Morloth, we've learned now but you never forget the first sting!

It doesn't cease to annoy me that one girl who owed me 50 quid is now a lawyer and must have realized that even if she was rich enough not to mind being 170 quid down, most people aren't!!

I do find it odd that lots of people on this thread are really worried that the OP's stingy friends might be very poor - it doesn't seem to occur to them that the OP might not have unlimited funds either!

Ijust don't like the sort of person that does this. Good friends don't fleece each other.

Next time, if there is one, just ask that their bill is separate from yours. But like the rest of the comments, I wouldn't bother going with them again.

But what gets right up my nose (like in the OP) are the people who only actually order a main and a soft drink and then jump into the communal starters, have a couple of glasses of communal wine and 'just a nibble' of everyone else's desserts (well actually this doesn't happen to me because once it is on my plate it is mine all mine).

There is only one appropriate response to this - Touch my food - feel my fork !

I went out for lunch with some college friends the other day with the idea that we could either order food or just coffee etc if anyone was hard up, because one of my friends has just left her job and doesn't have much money. One couple (who always do this) ordered one thing at £18, which everyone was having, and one thing at £6, to share between them. Then they insisted on paying their bit of the bill separately, which is fair enough I suppose, even though the rest of us were splitting the bill. But they only handed over £25 and said 'here's a bit extra'. Yes you may have given us £1 extra, but what about the extra service charge because there are 14 of us? and what about the tip? Unfortunately no one spoke up because it was my bday and they didn't want to spoil the mood. Fine, it was only a few pounds extra in the end, but because everyone else split the bill, our unemployed friend had to subsidise their meanness! (I think in the end DH covered it). And they do this every.damn.time.

Whereas all of us who actually had to work in restaurants and bars at the age of 16 know about service charges and tipping the waiters and wouldn't dream of underpaying them!

You know what (massive generalisation alert ) - you never get this in Ireland - regardless of the financial circs of the people involved. Quite the opposite, in fact!

DH is Irish and whenever we go over there, there are actual tussles over who pays, with people taking other people's wallets off them so that they can't pay!

Because you know what? When you go out with friends and family, it's not JUST about what you physically have to line your stomach. It's also about having a good time, catching up, rejoicing in the simple things like friends and family, and that sometimes is worth a few extra quid, especially if it genuinely is swings and roundabouts within a group of like-minded people.

I really think they have it right.

We have a couple in our group of friends who dont believe in tipping - mainly her really - so every time we go out for a meal it ends up with my - 'overly generous and laid back feel like slapping him' - DH always puts an extra couple of quid in because he hates leaving a light tip especially when food/service was good.

She always says that the tip we have put in between us is too much and a few quid would do and she's not contributing. But she wont take into account that if we were seperate couples in the restaurant the staff would get the same amount in total from induvidual tables.

Strangely they have gradually disappeared from meals we go to now because our other friends have simply stopped inviting them as they have said they dont want to listen to whinging at the end of a nice meal about how she doesnt believe in tipping and she doesnt get tipped at work and blah bloody blah.

I can't stand it when people literally take out a calculator to work out exactly how much everyone owes. Obviously if one person wasn't drinking and everyone else had a few glasses of wine, they shouldn't have to pay a share of the wine bill. But this 'I didn't have a starter', 'You had the steak for your main course and I only had lasagne' does my head in. I had an (ex) friend who use to work out exactly how much she owed and it just looked so petty and awful.

We had an awkward moment at an xmas meal. DH had a few beers, as did most of the blokes, I had two drinks. I think the bill came in at £80 per couple which we paid, but they were left short. Problem being was that one chap (the one who was collecting the money) ordered himself 3 bottles of red, but only shared with one other. So I didn't feel tooo guilty.

Mean with money

mean of soul

nomoreheels - I think my post came across in the wrong way: I too view politeness as taking other people's financial situation into account.

When I've been pregnant, nine times out of ten, people have remembered I'm not drinking and have made sure I don't pay over the odds - I think that's polite. I would expect anyone to do that, for anyone else.

But, I also wouldn't raise an issue over someone having a meal that cost more than mine, or one more cocktail, because I'm sure I have had the more expensive meal on occasion (and still split half/half), and I believe it evens out.

And if someone is on a budget, they should simply make it clear at the beginning of the meal (or even on the phone when arranging as my friends and I do) to make sure that it's all in the open. Nobody should have to sit home alone, but honesty is the best and least embarrassing policy.

But you are assuming there LeQueen that the other people at the table are able to pick up the slack for the 'mean' types. As LRD said what if they can only afford their fair share as well?

It is all very well saying 'what if they are skint' but that cuts both ways.

In any case this has not happened to me in years and has certainly never happened twice with the same people. I just don't have the patience anymore.

I like to think of myself as a generous person,and I'm not going to fuss over a few pounds,but I did feel taken advantage of when out dining with two friends and they ordered a £37 bottle of wine,and a pitcher of a cocktail that cost £12.

We were all students at the time,and I don't drink alcohol at all,but I wasn't fussed about splitting the cost of a bottle of wine,even if I couldn't drink it,thinking that it'd only add another £5-£7 or so to my bill,and said not to worry about providing me with a separate bill.

But to order that really was taking the piss imho.

Oh, and it really annoys me when you give a person [sister] a lift in the car and pay for parking etc and they can't even buy you a coffee. Take, take take. Even tho they have come into money. I just find it incredible that anyone has the gaul to do this, have they no common courtesy????

ps we were brought up the same, she is not generous at all!

She once stood outside Greggs eating a pasty, while me and my other sis were having meal in a low cost restaurant. This made me feel mean, but I had a nagging voice in my head, saying, 'She is doing that because she chose to do it, she can afford it!'

meli - I hope it was raining as well?

That experience though was topped by another friend,when we were on holiday in Munich.

I said I'd get the lunches,as I had more money than my friend,breakfast was provided,and then we'd split dinner.

'Why?' was the response. 'Why do we have to split dinner?'. 'Did you run out of money?'.

I had to resist the urge to ram a pretzel where the sun doesn't shine.

No, unfortunately it was undercover, it's terrible that I feel this towards my own sister.
When she comes to my house she makes sure she eats all that's on offer eg two cakes instead of one!, but yet, if I go to hers, she never offers even a cup of tea.

What makes people like this????