...to think that all these women have really dragged MN into the gutter?

[deepheat]

When I first posted on here ooooh, about three months ago (for advice on how to get my little girl to sleep) MN was just a nice supportive community of men pretending to be women and some dogs. We got to know each other. I soon learnt that Anyfucker is actually Jeff from the Prince of Wales who leans on the far end of the bar and says "I really love you" to anything wearing a skirt. Scottishmummy is actually a border terrier... we all skipped happily from thread to thread calling people abusers and telling anyone who'd listen that they were 'better than that' and to 'ditch the self-preening cock-bastard.'

Sorry for going all misty eyed on everybody, but it was just lovely.

And then you lot all came along. Women. Brimming with hatred, overflowing with coarse and vulgar language and wanting to start a fight with anyone who so much as suggests that they might think that, actually, having a nanny doesn't make you a twat or that how much Calpol you give DD isn't really that big a deal.

Leave us alone. Please. It was nice, like being in a summer meadow. You're forcing us all out into things like pubs to watch stuff like sport. And then you'll just write about us on here as if you were cheating with our online selves the moment our backs were turned. It hurts. We have feelings.

Sorry. Its late, I'm bored and wifey's just walking through the door so I'd better turn this off right now....

I think I did, Jeff. (I may call you Jeff mayn't I?) But I'm not really sure.

< slips tongue into buppy >

You see it all ends up in a sexually depraved orgy eventually.

OF course it is those sluttish womens' fault.

If mumsnet were a men only institution we wouldn't have these problems.

AnyFucker IS a man.

Pfffft, don't you know nuffin?

I don't know what I want to be!

I'd like a beer and game of darts in the elephant with Jeff

but

I do like a good bosom hoiking as well

and undecided

I know AF is a man but he wouldn't be tempted to act in the way that he does were it not for all the loose women on mumsnet.

Its not his fault their knicker elastic is slack.

Tsk

< twangs Cain's knicker elastic >

< snaps her bra strap >

.

Oops...neither, nor

Shakey - I never really liked Binfull but it has been a while and I was desperate...

It was all good though - I went out last night and met a live man (12 years my junior ) who didn't wipe his cock on my curtains or work for Greggs...

I imagine any man who resembled a mills and boon character would bore ten tits off a girl and embarrass them with hideous dress sense!

But someone with access to unlimited trays of sausage rolls and Belgian buns......

I'd almost be willing to overlook the fleece.

Did you get your hands on his raw manliness Asteria?

Well I do have a soft spot (or rather a squidgy region around my middle) for danish pastry!

I didn't get my hands on his raw manliness - but he did swing me about the dancefloor for 5 hours! That's the great thing about these young men (he was only 21 - bless) they have marvellous stamina!!

That'll be all the strength they get from lifting the massive bloomers. The loaves I mean, not your frillies Asteria!

I am craving a Belgian bun more than a whirl round the dance floor these days.

Oh Beertricks - you are just talking dirty to me now!! I might just have to track down that young man and use him as a large platter for danish pastry...

my bloomers are pretty massive - I blame the excesive danish pastry consumption!

Call me a Size Queen - but if it fitted a standard doughnut I would call for a new platter!

Just found this thread and am bumping it cos it's fucking hillarious and really do have tears running down my face.

I agree there can be some very spikey, rude, swearing folk on here, just teaming for a fight. Its like rude drivers who put their middle finger up at you. Just cos they're in a metal box, they think they are safe and can be as offensive as you like. Same here, hidden behind their nicknames and computers, they take the piss, swear, and talk insulting garb, as if they know it all. Plus, people can be so incredibly insensitive when you are feeling very low and need support and advice.