Refused a table at restaurant for having kids

[marissac]

I'm thinking of going to my local news paper to name and shame this restaurant, but would like your wise opinion on it before I do.

Today was the eve of Chinese New Year, my friends decided we should have lunch at a certain Chinese restaurant in Canary Wharf to celebrate. They et extremely busy at lunchtimes so I phoned ahead to make a reservation. Greeted by the maitre d with usual formalities, asked me what time I would like the table for etc. Then when I said it was for a party of 4 adults and 3 kids he paused. Then proceeded to tell mr they were fully booked for lunch today and that they will jot be able to fit us in AT ALL (which was strange since he was asking for my name time and phone number just a minute ago). Then I heard a female voice in the background say that there is a table free until 2, to which I immediately replied I'll take it, we will be done and your table vacated no later than 1:30.

Lo and behold this male waiter then said "don't take this the wrong way, but many customers have complained about noisy children during lunch like it's a party. We get a lot of business people here at lunchtimes. We don't mind children on the weekends, just not during the week." (please note these aren't his EXACT words in the exact order)

I could NOT believe what I heard. And to paint a clearer picture, this is our local Chinese restaurant which we have frequented roughly once a week for the past 3 yrs. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. I will sure be taking my business elsewhere, but would like everyone to be aware of the appalling attitude and service. My kids are never rowdy or unruly, yet they are being talked about like they animals that should be left on a leash tied to a lamppost.

Sorry for the rant. I'm still fuming. Do you think it's worth going to local press? Thanks for listening and for any input.

I think it is perfectly fair to serve different clientele during the week and the weekend. I don't really see why it would not be?

No different in my mind to a pub which will have families during the day but not at night, hairdressers offering pensioner discounts in the week only, gyms who only have family slots at certain times.

Maybe they have grown tired of having to babysit while parents eat their meal skimummy?

oh blimey zukie

now I am going to have to disagree.

i became a mother to enrich my life. but my responsibility as a mother includes modelling to my children a happy, healthy, active, full and enriched life. They ( especially dd) need to see me as an individual or else how do they escape the idea that motherhood is a life lived around the needs of children rather than alongside.

my mother had very little life outside being a mother. It did not make me feel more loved. it worried me. It made me feel guilty. not at first, but when i was older.

I want my children to see me as a person as well as their mother. I want them to join my life and then create their own. I don't want to exist purely to meet their needs. I think that is a terrible example

I have always taken my children to restaurants a.
They have never run around or roamed around. If they start to get loud, they are told ''indoor voices''.
I do, however,go prepared. Service is sometimes slow etc. So we have always taken pens/paper or some tiny toys or even some modelling clay (plastecine) and a board to play with it on.
Restaurant staff are always very appreciative of children who don't roam around and know how to behave and we have often been given extra treats.

Zukie - think you have been very fortunate then. I have witnessed lots of awful behaviour from children and parents.

I know what you mean too LeQueen

I think for my mother it was because it was all she knew how to do. I was one of the youngest and in the end I left home to get away from the respinsibilty.

She drifted a bit but eventually got involved with a local playgroup and ended up running it. With that confidence she then got another job and worked until she was 75

I just remember realiseing with a strat at about 17 that she was young once, that she should have had something other than us. I understood many years later that she had chosen that. But at the time (to my shame) I assumed that that was all she was supposed to do. She was my mum. That was her role.

Now I am a sahm and my DCs don't see a role outside that of parent. But they know I worked before and, more importantly, they know I have friends, interests, hobbies, interests that have nothing to do with them
they are some of the things that make me, me

Zukie

Some of my friends had mums like your's and, when friends grew up they felt very guilty about leaving their mum on her own or not always including her in things. It was quite a burden.

My mum always kept up her own life and friends, and went back to work part time when her children were all well settled in school. I am so glad she has her own life and is happy and busy not sitting around waiting for our visits because she has nothing else going on.

God, i should proof read.....

I know a woman who thinks that EVERYTHING her children do in public is charming and endearing.

Running around and interrupting other diners' meals? No problem to her - 'He's so confident and friendly', she crows. 'Why are they blanking him?' she asks in distress.

She is constantly hurt and amazed at the number of 'death stares' she gets from fellow diners, and thinks that everyone should loosen up.

Delusional doesn't even begin to cover it

"Not read whole thread yet, but wanted to say that I don't think that people having business lunches are more important than people having lunch with their DC. If business people want a quiet meeting, they should stay in the office and have one. A restaurant is a public space and one group of people are not more 'entitled' than any other.

"

VERY well put, exactly what I've been trying to formulate in my head. And it isn't really like hairdressers offering pensioner discounts on weekdays - unless they refused to cut their hair at all at any other time!

I think its entirely up to the restaurant whether they have children in or not.

But if restaurants want to cater for business people who they know will order expensive food and wine on expense accounts they are perfectly entitled to do so and refuse to have children ruining the ambience.
They are running a business and if they want to create a business geared towards adults not children, that is their perogative.

But they accepted the booking and then turned them away. That is crap and if they don't want children they need to think about how to manage that

YABU, you can't expect everywhere on the planet to be set up ready for your kids. It's an adult venue.

I agree they shouldn't have accepted the booking like that and that is the only real complaint the OP has.

'I wish children ate out more. I enjoy being in Spain and France where children actively engage with eating out -conversation and food and company. But a substantial group of people seem to feel that a child should be present and bring with them games and behaviours that having nothing to do with eating out and everything to do with dumbing down the experience in the name of 'child friendly'

I think that this is the problem, no one minds if they are sitting at the table and enjoying the food, but they do object if they are getting down,playing noisy games etc. People have commented that my DCs have been well behaved when eating out and I think that is just because they have had bad experiences elsewhere.

People want child free places to eat and I think that 'naming and shaming' would do them a lot of good!
It is important for adults to have a life away from DCs. Every time I read 'I am devoted to my DCs' I think 'those poor, poor DCs' it is such a burden on them as they get older.

I find women like the one you mentioned, kittybuttoon, very irritating because you are supposed to smile indulgently and not interact and I wish I was brave enough, next time one wanders around, to pick them up sit them at my table and chat to them in the way the parent should be doing, however there would be hell to pay!

Totally agree Lamorna. It is perfectly possible to teach young children to behave well in restaurants and to interact with parents.

I never bothered about crayons, etc. But I talk to my children and expect them to listen, or at least not talk when someone else at the table is talking.

Its not rocket science and if you regularly eat at the table at home, not difficult to teach.

Too many people assume that they can't sit there without crayons, toys etc. Of course they are bored if parents talk across them and ignore them. It means that if you take them out you have to include them in the conversation, ask their opinions etc. I always find it is a nice interlude to have time just to sit and chat. If you get bored waiting for food to arrive you can always try quiet word games like the sort you play on long car journeys.

I think too many children are not used to sitting round a table with their parents to have a meal together. It is during this time you teach them appropriate behaviour i.e. staying sat at the table, not shouting or screaming, etc.

But as a parent its also really nice to have time to just talk to your children.

Haven't had time to post in here yet this morning, but it's an interesting point about crayons etc. to keep children entertained.

As I child, we didn't eat out a lot as we couldn't afford to, but when we did (particularly on holiday etc.) we certainly didn't have crayons and toys at the table to keep us entertained, even from the age of about 3. We knew if we were in a restaurant it was a 'grown up' place to be and we should behave ourselves. We grew up knowing that some places were not for playing and for games etc.

It's the same with holidays, we never went to a single place with a kids club or kids activities, we went to beaches, there were swimming pools etc. and then walks, visits to cultural things etc. and we had a fabulous time.

It really seems to be very different from what happens now.

D