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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be livid with PIL?

123 replies

worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 21:50

My PIL very kindly agrred to travel 4 hours from their home to care for my children or so I thought....

I have a serious dose of hand,foot and mouth (yes it normally is short - lived and mild but I have had in for nearly two weeks and blsiters are still appearing) I am a lot of pain. Sad

My DH is working away tuesday til friday. DH rang inlaws and asked them if they could come and mind DCs (x3) and I would stay in a hotel so that I can have a complete break and re-coup.

Just tp put things into perspective, PIL idea of help when I am ill is leaving me with baby and sorting out my 9 and 6 year old while they clean random things, iron underwear etc Hmm Don't get me wrong I do think mostly they are trying to help.

Anyway MIL and FIL arrive and I was planning to head straight off. MIL starts by saying that I could sleep in 1 of DD's beds and she can sleep on a matress on the floor, all very well but I won't get any peace.Hmm Then she says h will DD2 be ok if you go, giving me the knowing look, then asks if baby will be ok then when none of that is working tells me that DD3 has blsiters on her bottom (implying she is getting what I have) swiftly followed by I'll look later, so I pull DDs nappy down and low and behold no blister, no spots!!! [angry}

AIBU to be annoyed that PIL agreed to mind my DC while recouperate in a hotel and then went back on it?? Hmm

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 01/02/2011 21:56

Sounds like they think it might be a bit too much for them.

I can't blame them really, three DC when you're not used to it must be a bit stressful if you perhaps didn't feel you could say no to helping out.

How long were you thinking of stopping in the hotel?

And why do you seem to think they owe you something?

macdoodle · 01/02/2011 21:58

Hmmmm well I do think parents should help (see my recent thread re my mum babysitting), but actually I think disappearing to a hotel is prob a bit much, Cant you stay there??

PrincessScrumpy · 01/02/2011 22:00

At least they offered, my pil complain that my parents get to see dd all the time and get her overnight occasionally without dh and I and they miss her... cry when we leave etc but never actually offer to have dd or even call regularly to see how we are.

Sounds difficult though. I would have said, oh they'll be fine... they love being with you two (stroke ego), then say bye to dc and leave. They'll cope.

Hope you feel better soon.

bubblewrapped · 01/02/2011 22:06

Maybe they think that you would rather actually be at home, so they can look after you as well.

Gargula · 01/02/2011 22:08

How much pressure were they under to come and help?
Doesn't sound like they really want to but didn't want to say "no" outright. Can't say I particularly blame them either. I can not imagine asking my parents or PIL to look after my kids then going off to a hotel.

zikes · 01/02/2011 22:09

Maybe I'd be disappointed at not getting to go off to the hotel, but if them coming to help with housework and the older children is as good as it gets, it's pretty darn good.

They're seriously putting themselves out for you by coming all that way.

Accept what they're willing to offer, gratefully.

Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:09

The thing is I just can't relax with them their and certainly not recouperate.

If they feel they can't cope they should just say then we all know where we stand.

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:11

They were no pressure to come, they kept offering again and again.

TBH I don't think its as good as it gets. I think if I need to be at home, I'd rather pay for help.

OP posts:
curlymama · 01/02/2011 22:12

3 children, including a baby, and you are angry with them for coming and doing their best to help? Hmm

How are they going back on it, you didn't say that they had stopped you from going.

I think you would be unreasonable to go anyway, they are your children. I realise you're not well, but you have two extra people helping you, you could stick around and do whatever you can.

AgentZigzag · 01/02/2011 22:14

I would be surprised if the three Hmm faces that are in your OP didn't come across to them in any way when you've been arranging it.

'Would you be able to do me a huge favour please? But you have to do it exactly as I say, anything else and I'll be Hmm'

They're trying to tell you nicely by hinting they don't feel up to it, and you seem to be being shitty with them because you're not able to totally relax.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 01/02/2011 22:14

You cant cope with them there? But they are ok to skivvy over your kids, but ungrateful if you ask me, surely a week in a hotel is a bit much, imo yabu, you font have anthrax...

Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:15

Put their help isnm't actually that helpful in all honesty. Yes it is good of them to come, they have gone out of their way but if they weren't happy it would have been as benefical for me to go it alone.

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 01/02/2011 22:16

I think you should change your name to cheekymoo

Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:17

'Would you be able to do me a huge favour please? But you have to do it exactly as I say, anything else and I'll be '

That is quite funny because that is exactly what they are like. They went on and on about coming, agreed that I could go to a hotel and did everything they could to stop me.

OP posts:
Hassled · 01/02/2011 22:17

I think they're just out of their depth, and maybe it's taken them actually arriving and taking stock to see that. Is there any way your DH can cancel his trip away?

FabbyChic · 01/02/2011 22:18

Paying for help might be cheaper than a hotel however if you are at home your children are going to be bothering you a lot, especially the little one.

You need to sit them down and discuss what your plans are and tell them that if they cannot cope you appreciate them coming but will try to get some paid help instead.

However, paid help takes time to arrange and you can't leave your kids with someone you don't know.

RevoltingPeasant · 01/02/2011 22:18

worried, you say you'd rather pay for help - sorry if this is blunt, but can you afford to?

If so what about paying a babysitter/ nanny to come and help with the DCs whilst they are there? That way they get to be grandparents and not do the shitty part, but also can help out somewhat. Also the stress is off you.

Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:18

My gripe is they agreed to come, mind the DCs and I would go and relax in a hotel. ACtually they came and decided they didn't want to do it anymore. Why come?

OP posts:
curlymama · 01/02/2011 22:18

You sound very ungrateful.

Why didn't you talk to them yourself if having them around is such a dreadful prospect.

They are good enough to look after your 3 children alone, but at the same time they are not helpful. How does that work?

Appletrees · 01/02/2011 22:19

yabu.. they sound ok

FabbyChic · 01/02/2011 22:20

Just as an aside, there are lots of single parents with no families out there, they never get any help at all, and cannot call on anybody to help them.

Im alone and if I was as sick as you I'd just have to suffer it and get on with it.

You could try doing that.

Appletrees · 01/02/2011 22:20

more than ok actually

Appletrees · 01/02/2011 22:20

agree with curly

Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:21

Revolting Yes I can, DD1 and DD2 go to after school club 1 of the nights they are here and DD3 goes to nursery for a couple of sessions. Good idea I might see if DD1 and 2 can go to after school club a bit more. I know DD3 can't do anymore nursery sessions they are full.

OP posts:
zikes · 01/02/2011 22:21

I agree with ConnorTraceptive.