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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be livid with PIL?

123 replies

worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 21:50

My PIL very kindly agrred to travel 4 hours from their home to care for my children or so I thought....

I have a serious dose of hand,foot and mouth (yes it normally is short - lived and mild but I have had in for nearly two weeks and blsiters are still appearing) I am a lot of pain. Sad

My DH is working away tuesday til friday. DH rang inlaws and asked them if they could come and mind DCs (x3) and I would stay in a hotel so that I can have a complete break and re-coup.

Just tp put things into perspective, PIL idea of help when I am ill is leaving me with baby and sorting out my 9 and 6 year old while they clean random things, iron underwear etc Hmm Don't get me wrong I do think mostly they are trying to help.

Anyway MIL and FIL arrive and I was planning to head straight off. MIL starts by saying that I could sleep in 1 of DD's beds and she can sleep on a matress on the floor, all very well but I won't get any peace.Hmm Then she says h will DD2 be ok if you go, giving me the knowing look, then asks if baby will be ok then when none of that is working tells me that DD3 has blsiters on her bottom (implying she is getting what I have) swiftly followed by I'll look later, so I pull DDs nappy down and low and behold no blister, no spots!!! [angry}

AIBU to be annoyed that PIL agreed to mind my DC while recouperate in a hotel and then went back on it?? Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:22

fabbychick It must be horrible to have no one to call on when you are in a lot pain and feel terrible. Sad I do understand that I am actually look to have the offer. I'm cross that they agreed and then tried to pull out, not to mention I'd paid for the hotel.

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AgentZigzag · 01/02/2011 22:22

Perhaps they don't think you're that ill?

I'm not saying you aren't, but if you can struggle to get on the internet, you could watch the DC while they're doing something quiet and let your PIL do the routine work?

macdoodle · 01/02/2011 22:24

So you dont need to actually look after your children in the day anyway, hmm I'm sorry I think you are being a bit pathetic. You need to go to a hotel to "recuperate" from hand foot and mouth, its hardly plague?
I was pretty ill overnight with D+V last night, I had to call in sick to work today, kids went to school/nursery/CM as usual, when they came home, I lay on the settee and they played/ran riot.

Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:25

Its hardly hard to sit with the laptop. I have a very demanding 6 year old and the baby just needs watching all the time.

I guess if I am this position again, I'd be better just getting buy with paid help.

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Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:26

macdoodle

I have a very serious case of it. I can barley walk and I can just about eat ice cream.

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macdoodle · 01/02/2011 22:27

Where's your DH again? Can he cancel?
Hate to harp on this point, but those of us single parents, mostly just get on with it.

bubblewrapped · 01/02/2011 22:27

They havent pulled out. THey are there.

Why dont you get off to bed if you are feeling so ill ?

Surely your in-laws can help out with the school run, cooking meals, washing etc, which is going to help you out. If you had "paid" help coming in, you would still have to be there to tell them what to do.

I think you sound very ungrateful and unappreciative of the fact they were prepared to travel a long way from home to come and help you.

curlymama · 01/02/2011 22:27

I'm confused. Did you go to the hotel or not?

Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:28

hassled I have told DH he will have to come home if his parents are not happy to have the DCs or their are any problems.

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Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:30

I am at a hotel. I was in two minds but my DH told me toc come.He is really worried asbout me and cross at hs parents behaviour. My FIL said as I was leaving, where are you going? Hmm and see you in the morning.

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Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:31

macddodle

I have stated that I have a serious case of it. Yrs it is rare for it to last sp long and be so severe. I am prescription painkillier and my GP wants to see me again this week _ i have been 3 times already.

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Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:32

bubble

If I was at home, they would not let me go to bed and if I did manage to smeak off they soon come and wake me.

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AgentZigzag · 01/02/2011 22:33

Oh, you went to the hotel anyway.

I'm not sure I'd leave my DC with people who were hinting they might have trouble coping.

zipzap · 01/02/2011 22:34

If yo've paid for the hotel and still have it available to you, could you get your bag ready to pick up and go, breeze in to see them and say that as you can see that they are doing so well, you will go and sleep in the hotel room, hopefully the kids are asleep so they won't need too much looking after.

Write out a list of instructions of how to get kids to school/nursery in the morning, along with all their clothes ready, breakfast stuff as close to ready as possible, packed lunches in named bags in the fridge, school bags packed and by the door with coats on top and shoes next to them... Then they can't say that they don't know what to do.

Tell them that you will visit again tomorrow, that the kids have been really excited about spending time with them without mummy and daddy around.

Speak to dh on the phone first - find out what his take is on his parents - does he think they are trying to get out of it or are they just panic-ing? If you feel brave enough you can always have the conversation upstairs near the baby monitor so pil can hear how desparate you are downstairs and mayb realise quite how much you need the respite and their sleeping solution just won't work for you.

Hell, even if you have to come back to get the school run done, how far away is hotel, would you be able to do it and still be able to go back to hotel to relax a few hours?

I know that lots of people don't have extra help and just have to grin and bear it when there are problems but given they seem to have volunteered it does seem rotten to pull out at the last minute. Hope you get some relaxation and recuperation soon...

Gargula · 01/02/2011 22:35

I guess your poorly and irritated but you're coming across a moody, bossy so and so.

Whinging about your PIL who have driven hours to help you, telling your husband he'll have to come home to deal with any "problems" - all this, and you're in the bloody hotel anyway - so you got exactly what you wanted - what are you whinging for??

Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:36

Agennt

They are not people they are their gps and my DDs are their only grandchildren. they will be fine, they are both fairly young and retired... infact MIL has been retired since she was 50. Shock

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Appletrees · 01/02/2011 22:37

i just can't feel sorry for you

i really can't

Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:38

zipzap - Thanks some constructive suggestions in there.

I actually really need this break, I have been on the edge of coping with my DCs recently. If family can't help who can?

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Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:38

Apple - thats ok I don't want you too. Wink

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FabbyChic · 01/02/2011 22:39

I hope they have a number to contact you on, the older kids they can easily look after, maybe not so much the baby.

Appletrees · 01/02/2011 22:40

they ARE helping

Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:40

Thay have DH's number who obviously has mine.

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Original poster
worriedmoo · 01/02/2011 22:41

Oh Apple you are missing my point. I know they are helping FGS

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curlymama · 01/02/2011 22:41

What Agentzigzag and Appletrees said.