Stepmother jealousy

[singleproudmum]

Has anyone else had to experience their children being resented by a jealous 'stepmother'?.

Have your children been made to feel in the way by the 'sm' when visiting their dad?
AIBU to think that a person shouldn't be with a partner if they can't fully accept and have respect for his kids?
I ask about 'stepmothers' as my kids have the one from hell and I just wondered how many others have this problem?

I'm not generalising as I know there are lots of fantastic stepmums out there, I have one myself,

Also, I know its not just some Sm's who are spiteful, I know it could include stepfather's but as this situation applies to me that's why I am talking about stepmothers.

I thought it would be best to post in this forum.

Balia- yes

Possibly also jealously that ex has moved on

balia we used to have this. Stepson used to have a lovely time with us. We took him places, had fun, he enoyed it. As SOON as we pulled up to his mother's, his mood and body language changed. He use to then tell her it was awful, he didnt do anything, he hated the food, no money was spent on him. All these things because he learnt pretty quickly that thie "pleased" his mother and she was looking for this as he came in.

SPM , how do you think you could improve the situation for your children ? What ideas do you have ?

OP - on page one of this thread you say "the ex should realise how this person is treating his kids, and do something about it". Have you spoken to your ex about what is going on, in the spirit of making things better for your children?

Lol!

Dietcoke - you really think anyone with children would marry her?

It's "you're evil" by the way OP.

Interesting how you disappear, OP, when perfectly reasonable posters ask you what you have done to be productive and you can't simply hurl uncalled for abuse at them...

Please, SPM, get some help from your GP. I have just read this whole thread, and your posts and reactions are just jumping off the screen. You sound hurt, angry and frustated. You may have every right to be; I don't know you or your situation, or every side of the story, so I'm not going to offer opinion or judgement.
But please, for the sake of your health, get some help.
Yes, you have every right to post on MN, but if it is going to be raising your stress levels every time you come back to check replies to your AIBU, then maybe the time has come for you to ask for help, with some 1:1 counselling.
You're kicking off at everybody, and yes, it's a natural reaction to defend yourself if others attack, but going into a 'lions den' isn't going to help your situation.
Try walking away for a couple of days, and focus on seeking help with the anger and hurt you have over the situation with your DC.
That in itself is a major thing to have to deal with and work through. Posting/checking on MN isn't going to help your personal situation at the moment. It is such a sensitive subject, and you are going to get others defending their position.You come across at the moment as being quite vunerable, and I am concerned that you may see others opinions as attacks, and this is going to do nothing in terms of strength and confidence in sorting out your current probs. This fighting on MN is one battle you don't need to be fighting at the moment.
So please, ask for help, try if you can to stay away from here for a while, and if you want to PM me, please do.
I sincerely hope this all works out for you soon.

There is nothing insulting about getting some counselling. You will not be railroaded or told you are nuts or instructed in how to behave. What you will get is an unbiassed and supportive space to air how you feel without having to be concerned what reaction you will get. This can only be a good thing surely?

This is a good place to start finding your way to a less stressful and unhappy future.

OP, this is clearly an obsession. It would be funny if it wasn't clearly causing upset to people you know nothing about but choose to define by the fact that they happen to be step parents.

It is not an easy role that they take on, and they have a right to seek support on the section of the board that is for their use without being harassed. And no matter how many times you say that you just wanted advice, I don't think many people are buying it.

Why not take a bit of time out from this issue and see what else MN has to offer you?

Hello SPM,

You do know you can take this issue to court don't you? If the stepmother is hiding her emotional abuse of your child from their father, and the grandparents are aware of it, you can speak to social services, or you can take the case to court so that the children can have safe contact with their father and half siblings. As the children already have a history of contact with their half siblings, the stepmother can't stop contact, it would be against the best interests of all of your exp's children, and she would be told so by the courts.

You may want to look at this group who are working with Rights of women and families need fathers in various meetings with the government as they work on the current family law reviews.

childrensvoicesinfamilylaw1.community.officelive.com/default.aspx

Before anyone wonders, I am the one who reported the thread and also the comments made on the other thread and asked for them to be deleted.

Singleproudmum - Its obvious from your posts that you care deeply about your children and are unhappy about the way that they are being treated by your Ex and his new partner. JaneDoe above has given you some really good advice and if you and your Ex's family are both concerned about how your children are being treated, it would be more productive to channel your energies into perusing that course of action.

Its also obvious from your posts that you are holding a lot of anger about this situation, but you are directing it at the wrong people. The repeated personal attacks to anyone who offers a different opinion on this and your other threads are counter-productive as it discourages many people who could offer you good advice from posting and don't show you in a good light.

Step back from your argument with the step/bonus mums on the site as they are not your children's step mum and they need support too. Being angry at them isn't going to help you or your children. If you don't like what you read on that part of the forum, hide it for your own sanity.

Once you've taken that step back, take a deep breath and ask for help and support away from AIBU where people are more likely to give you support than a black and white opinion. Go and have a look at the other areas of the site too. You may be surprised at what is on offer.

Good Luck.

I am now a 50+ year old woman who is still experiencing emotional pain from the effects of a “jealous” stepmom. I applaud you for advocating and looking out for your daughter. My mother was recovering from a mental illness and was limited in her ability to see what was going on and advocate for me. To make matters worse I was/am an only child so I had no witnesses or advocates to what I was experiencing. I think the stepmother stepdaughter situation is challenging even under the best of circumstances and intentions. Add a stepmother who is controlling, selfish, clever and cunning with two children of her own to the mix combined with a naive only child stepdaughter and this crates a bad situation. I could write a novel about my experiences, but they are complex and layered. Today I have no relationship with my father because she succeeded in turning him against me, and it breaks my heart still. Do look out for your daughter. She needs you. (Of course this is 7 years after your original post. I hope for the best. )

I have a very jealous stepmother of my dads first set of kids by my mother she rules my dad and what ever she says for him to do he does it why well he got caught having a affair with her half sister so he does what she says I confronted him and ask him why was she so mean to me and my brothers and sisters he said oh she was young and I said what r u kidding me that’s no excuse to be mean and hit and punch and made fun of and just plain cruel toward your first kids now he told my sibling not to tell me anything about them my dad is 90 my step mom is 76 I’m 67 so even though I’m a adult it’s sad

This thread is nearly 8 years old. Hopefully OP has sorted out her issues with her DC’s SM by now