Stepmother jealousy

[singleproudmum]

Has anyone else had to experience their children being resented by a jealous 'stepmother'?.

Have your children been made to feel in the way by the 'sm' when visiting their dad?
AIBU to think that a person shouldn't be with a partner if they can't fully accept and have respect for his kids?
I ask about 'stepmothers' as my kids have the one from hell and I just wondered how many others have this problem?

I'm not generalising as I know there are lots of fantastic stepmums out there, I have one myself,

Also, I know its not just some Sm's who are spiteful, I know it could include stepfather's but as this situation applies to me that's why I am talking about stepmothers.

I thought it would be best to post in this forum.

I must admit I find the "the very fact of posting here proves you care and are a good person" argument specious and self-serving.

You might as well claim that any DIL that posts here about what a cow her MIL is must be a great person and a good DIL.

Can't you just stop your children seeing this woman by the way?

[applauds Chaotic]

I've never seen anyone on MN "moaning" about people posting on the wrong boards. I have frequently seen (and my self offered) advice as to a better board to post on to get sympathy and advice, particularly when people have posted on AIBU which can be a bit "lively". That's not moaning, its offering advice as to where best to get help but if you see it that way OP, it is no wonder you see only the bad in your children's step-mother.

I agree that there is no pecking order in families. There are times when different individuals within that family need additional help and support. If children are particularly traumatised as Mummiehunnie says then obviously they will need that additional help, support and consideration for a long time but that is not a pecking order.

I was debating whether or not to make this comment as it could be percieved as inflammatory and generalist for which I am sorry but her goes - while undoubtedly some people are just not cut out to be step-parents, in my experience the step families which work best are the ones where the absent parent has accepted graciously the new relationship. Or to put it another (but admittedly still generalist way) the ones which work worst are those where the absent parent is resentful of the new relationship. I'm not saying that there are never reasons for that resentment (in my case my step-mother had an affair with my father so my mother was understandibly never going to welcome her) but nevertheless it hardly helps the children find equilibrium in the new family set-up.

Yawn

Well thank you

Just To clarify the yawn was aimed at the OP.

Good luck if you ever become a stepparent

Msklo,

Its hard to stop contact as my kids know that the only way they can see their dad is if she is there, and my ex won't agree to see them on their own.

The other factor to consider is that the ex and stepmum have children together and I don't want my kids missing out on the bond they have with their siblings who are toddlers and I believe that if I cut her completely out my kids life she will refuse to let the children meet up.

AUSSIENG I don't believe you haven't read posters on other threads saying poster is on wrong board because I certainly have and I'm new to MN. I'm not an UNGRACIOUS absent parent!, I'm looking out for my kids why can't you see that?

onadietcokefagbreak

WHATEVER

I said I haven't seen anyone "moaning" about posting on the "wrong" board. Maybe I just see the best in people.

Maybe I don't see you just looking out for your kids because instead of posting asking for advice as to how to improve the situation you are in, you posted asking for people to compare crap experiences. Seems to me that this just entrenches views about step-mothers being crap/selfish/jealous/whatever and is not productive. That said I do understand the comfort of shared issues/experiences - I just personally would not actively seek out negative ones.

Dietcoke since your yawn followed my post thank you for clarifying

I'm only interested in the posts from those who have been in the same situation as myself.

But you don't seem to be very interested, OP. The only people you respond to are those who you can vent your anger on. It's not healthy. And whilst I understand you are stressed and concerned about your children - they will be picking up on these vibes and really, that's not good for them either.

Gosh how dumb she can't even get my name right.

OP this is very boring now - all the step parent bashing -yawn

Mj- she is funny isn't she? Not noticed her before.

You are right. That thread is hilarious. I thought the suggestion below was apt.

Don'tAskMeIfYABUIfYouDon'tWantMeToSayYes.com

Come on MJ - you've made me break my promise to ignore any threads SPM's on to come and get you. You're making this thread look popular.

It's past 10 O'Clock, so my children are in bed and my wine glass was disguised as a cup of tea. The quiche, however, is fantastic even if it can get stuck in some throats.

Night all xx

SPM you have come on to mumsnet and from the start just wanna slag off stepmothers. I feel sorry for you. Maybe one day you will become one and see if from another side.

Is anyone else thinking that maybe, just maybe, the poor stepmum here might be having to put up with an awful lot of mum-encouraged hostility or (more likely) that the kids are just telling her what she wants to hear and they are quite happy with Dad. (Plus his family are all too scared of her to tell the truth?)