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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Stepmother jealousy

150 replies

singleproudmum · 01/02/2011 18:27

Has anyone else had to experience their children being resented by a jealous 'stepmother'?.

Have your children been made to feel in the way by the 'sm' when visiting their dad?
AIBU to think that a person shouldn't be with a partner if they can't fully accept and have respect for his kids?
I ask about 'stepmothers' as my kids have the one from hell and I just wondered how many others have this problem?

I'm not generalising as I know there are lots of fantastic stepmums out there, I have one myself,

Also, I know its not just some Sm's who are spiteful, I know it could include stepfather's but as this situation applies to me that's why I am talking about stepmothers.

I thought it would be best to post in this forum.

OP posts:

JoBettany · 01/02/2011 22:06

MN will only remove posts if they are offensive or personal attacks. MN will not remove posts because someone 'runs' to them.

I read your posts on the other threads before they were deleted. They were not pleasant.

LtEveDallas · 01/02/2011 22:11

SPM, you do know that when you lie there are people here that know that, yes? People that know exactly what you have written, and why the posts were deleted?

You are far too angry to be here - you are hurting yourself, and making yourself sound bad.

Original poster

singleproudmum · 01/02/2011 22:11

Thanks for your input prettyfly, you have been most helpful :0

People can look through posts can't they, however, I think I'm right in saying the posts on 'off the beaten track' won't be shown, I wonder why?, oh yes, I forgot that was where the 'BOM' thread (bonus mums) was deleted by Mn. Yes, a whole thread which was full of vile comments aimed at people like me.

Other people even wrote how some of the posters comments were terrible, so please don't actlike butter wouldn't melt!

OP posts:

Original poster

singleproudmum · 01/02/2011 22:12

The posse has arrived!

OP posts:

TrollyMcTrollPants · 01/02/2011 22:18

Why don't you just post "AIBU to think that Bom are a big old bunch of meanies and no-one should ever be allowed to forget it*

JoBettany · 01/02/2011 22:22

@ Trolly

LtEveDallas · 01/02/2011 22:37

ROFL Trolly!

Hiding now, best of luck SPM, you'll need it.

reddaisy · 01/02/2011 22:46

I am returning to the thread that I was going to leave to say that I think the OP did not expect to get the response she did and was hoping it would run into a how evil stepmothers are.

Talk to your ex OP about any real concerns you have, move on from his family and keep talking to your children so they know they can approach you but bear in mind that children can and do lie for all sorts of reasons.

Best of luck for the future, most stepmother's aren't bad people, we are just trying our best every day. Just like you.

humanheart · 02/02/2011 06:19

please tell me where the step-mother bashing is. I would like to read it.

Original poster

singleproudmum · 02/02/2011 07:50

Off to work now but just before I go
reddaisy and others who seem to think I'm trying to cause a 'ruck', surely I would have posted in the step forum if that was my intention?

If you read my op thoroughly you will see I'm not generalising and I know people have problems with all different members of a family.
Some of you can keep referring to my deleted posts I really don't mind.
They were simply about what I thought to the reactions I got off some of the BOM'S (bonus mums) as they call it on the other thread.
Wasn't I told to go get a shag?, Oh yes, but that was quickly deleted by one of the members.

Also, why was a thread on 'off the beaten track' deleted because it was full of vile comments by some of the ones who are being very accusatory to me.

I haven't had to change my username like quite a few people who IMO were against me on the other threads I was on.

OP posts:

Faithless12 · 02/02/2011 08:03

Step children jealousy really? Oh yes let's blame the innocent parties in the situation.
Some step parents can be wonderful, my partners father is an example of that. He is his father and my partner doesn't care about the biology because he has always treated him like his own. However, some step parents are jealous and take it out on their stepchildren. One of my friends stepmothers tried to hit her because 'she was sad for spending time with her dad'. My own stepmother invents reality, she is wonderful it's everyone else who doesnt like her. When I was a lot younger knowing I had asthma she knocked dust over me and caused me to have an asthma attack and told my dad to leave me to it because she wanted to go to bed. My father was only my father on specific days and therefore wouldnt be allowed to go to parents evenings etc if they didn't fall on MY weekends.
Once again though my stepfather was completely different. He would run all over the place to pick me up make sure i got home and still does if I need help or anything he'll be the first person there.
I've seen so many posts by stepmothers who are jealous of their partners children and want them to do nothing with their 'new' life. It's not just first time wives bashing them, some of them do it to themselves. The other day I read a steplotter who said her stepdaughter saw enough of her father because she saw him once a fortnight. Now I know sometimes it's not practical to see them more than that but that doesn't mean it's enough and therefore the child shouldn't miss the absent parent.

pleasechange · 02/02/2011 08:54

OP - the last post of yours I read before you started this thread was a few days ago. It said, something along the lines of, that you didn't understand how people had the time to come on here to chat inanely rather than interract with their own children and spend time with RL friends. And that as such, you were off instead to spend time with your RL friends and family. Yet here you are a few days later on again talking about the same old topic.

Did you get bored with RL, or did you as I suspect, come on here to start another argument?

If it's advice your after, then AIBU isn't the best place for it. But actually the wording of your post doesn't suggest that advice is something you're interested in

TandB · 02/02/2011 09:44

OP- I am not a sm or a lone parent but I saw the deeply unpleasant recent arguments and it seemed to me, as an uninvolved observer, that the MN step parents have been rather used as whipping boys by some other posters. Not saying they were as pure as the driven snow in some of their comments, but they do seem to have taken a bit of a bashing.

Whatever you say, OP, it is completely transparent that this thread has been started to continue the ruck. It is a very immature thing to do. You should think about leaving this alone.

LucaSecondFloor · 02/02/2011 10:54

singleproudmum

You haven't come on AIBU to start a ruck ?

Why then are you referring a previous ruck, and who you were in a ruck with, where they generally post and what they said to you?

I agree with Kungfu, your thread is completely transparent.

If you really want help with a problem then ask for it, why let the other business get in the way of advice from posters.

Though it's not entirely clear what you are asking. You seem to be asking if you are right to think that your Ex should dump his partner because you don't like how she is with your DCs? You should really be talking to your Ex firstly. Secondly a better place for this thread would be in 'Relationships' or perhaps 'Lone Parents.

weblette · 02/02/2011 10:59

Another one agreeing with KungFu.

Why on earth start a thread on AIBU about this subject? Far more appropriate places on MN to garner support/talk things through than here.

Original poster

singleproudmum · 02/02/2011 16:09

allnew
in answer to your message at 8:54 you are saying that I wrote I didnt understand how people had the time to come on here to chat innanely or whatever.

Why are you twisting my words?

as you well know I wrote a message on the new BOM thread which is IN 'off the beaten track'

to get to this thread you have to go through topics first, then go through a-z to find it don't you allnew.
I agree I wrote my parting shot on there because people were making a mockery out of all this recent BOMGATE as it was called.

All I said was to the people on the thread and not everyone on mn ffs was that I thought that THEY should off having a real life instead of drinking imaginary wine!

You know damn well what was written by me so don't embellish the truth!
My post was deleted by posters on there and thats why I can't prove it.
This thread is hidden by most people,

Thanks to the people who are genuine and its awful to hear how some of you have been treated

To everyone else who wants to slate me, I don't have to prove myself to you!

OP posts:

ShirleyKnot · 02/02/2011 16:23

tap tap curly whirly cuckoo boing

PJDunkin · 02/02/2011 16:56

Agree with Trolly earlier, you should start a more direct thread if you just want to have a pop, - doing it veiled (albeit not very well) is just bad form, not the done thing really.

SoapyWankTits · 02/02/2011 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

PJDunkin · 02/02/2011 17:23

A-ha, so shirleyknot was not only funny but quite right then.

rolandweary · 02/02/2011 17:26

You saved her post

I remember very clearly some of the other posts on that thread. I don't think it would help anybody for me to drag them up, would it?

Some of the BoM crowd really need to start acting their ages IMO. Nothing to do with being stepparents - just unpleasant personalities.

mjloveswineoclock · 02/02/2011 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pleasechange · 02/02/2011 17:52

lol smp - so it appears I didn't twist your words at all, did I

Anyway, it appears you didn't really get the reactions on here you were hoping for. Better luck next time, as I imagine you'll be back

Mum2harryandben · 02/02/2011 18:00

OP, please go and post on Lone Parents, I am sure some of the lovely posters on there will work though what you need to there with you. You don't really want to make a laughing stock of yourself, continually fighting with the BOM's?

Original poster

singleproudmum · 02/02/2011 20:08

Thanks for saving my message soapywanktits,
I feel very honoured!

I think you have a different name to before too, very ladylike!

See, I told you my comments were aimed at those on the bom thread, I also mention that you had been taking the piss.

Why have so many of you felt the need to change your username?, I'm referring to the posse on bom. It makes me wonder, if your so innocent then surely you would keep your usernames?

I couldn't care less what you think of me as I know I'm a decent person who came on here looking for answers and found myself in the lion's den.

Oh finally, when I started my only other thread in lone parents, why was I warned not to venture into the step parent forum?

OP posts:

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