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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i think I'M the neighbour from hell

114 replies

mummysgoingmad · 01/02/2011 17:27

we moved into our flat last June. It is perfect for us our own little garden, in a quiet street and nice enough neighbours

My ds is 2, i have had concerns for sometime about some behaviour he has, autism has been flagged up recently and we are now waiting for him to be assessed. His repetitive running is very noisy and it is something i am trying to stop him doing in the home. He runs from one end of the flat to another and i appreciate its very noisy it doesn't help that we have wooden flooring throughout the flat, i have asked my landlord to consider laying carpet but he said no.

my downstairs neighbours hate me because of the noise but i feel there's not really much i can do about it, i am trying everything i can to get him to stop running but i cant stop him playing with his toys on the floor i.e. his cars, ride on toys building blocks and soft balls.

at 7 this morning my neighbours banged on my door when i went to answer it i heard her shouting "shut the fuck up!". Fine i thought ,he's probably woke them up with the running. I gave her some bits and bobs for her expectant grandchild, like a high chair i had for my ds, (rarely used and very expensive) only to find it laying in the garden with a load of rubbish,

To be honest i dont want to go down and explain why he runs as i am still getting my head round the autism thing, i dont really want to explain this to somebody who cant stand us as it is.
i just walked past my neighbour in the street i said "hiya" she said "fucking cow" and gave me a dirty look, i came home and cried Sad
what else can i do?

OP posts:
HuwEdwards · 01/02/2011 17:31

She sounds perfectly vile!

If you still feel the need to explain (after insults like that I wouldn't), write a note - but be clear that her using foul language at you won't improve matters one little bit.

I'm really shocked, can't imagine being called a fucking cow by anyone I remotely know.

mutznutz · 01/02/2011 17:34

If he's only 2, how on earth can you be thinking about Autism unless there's far more to it?

You've described a perfectly run of the mill 2yr old in your OP?

AgentZigzag · 01/02/2011 17:35

Calling you a fucking cow sounds a bit extreme just because your DS runs around.

Could it be something else?

I've banged on a wall because of someone's DC, but it was before I had my DDs and I was an ignorant fuck, if she's had children she should be more understanding.

I would be a bit reluctant to justify your DSs running, why should you?? But then if it makes it easier for her to cope with it it might be worth thinking about.

She doesn't sound receptive to it though.

And I don't think you're a neighbour from hell, you sound very considerate and thoughtful.

werewolf · 01/02/2011 17:35

Rugs?

GarconsSontCommeDesChiens · 01/02/2011 17:37

firstly you can't get upset about what happens to something that you have given away, so wrt the high chair, let it go; so what if they have ditched it (rankles though, doesn't it)

put down rugs if you can't get LL to fit carpets

use the ride ons outside

wear slippers indoors rather than shoes - this goes for all of you

if her GC is expecting then I am assuming that they are older folk and may have health issues of their own which may make them short/grumpy in their turn

good luck and chin up

TattyDevine · 01/02/2011 17:37

I'm not thinking its you who is the neighbour from hell here my dear, its her.

I understand for her it must be noisy. Autism or not, a 2 year old is going to make a fair bit of noise on wooden floors regardless of any efforts to keep it to a minimum. Its pretty hard to even keep them on a rug at that age.

I feel for you but there's only so much you can do. As long as you are making some reasonable efforts to keep noise to a minimum, then she's being an utter cow.

As for the highchair etc - well, she wont be getting anything else. What a shame, you could have given it to someone nice, but live and learn.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 01/02/2011 17:38

a lot more to it mutznutz, its been flagged up by my health visitor, specialist health visitor and speech language therapist at his triage appointment, that is just one of the behaviours that he presents with, he runs with no purpose and does around it around 20-30 times(if you let him) before he stops for 20 mins and starts again.

OP posts:
werewolf · 01/02/2011 17:39

What time is ds waking up - and waking the neighbours up?

Can you shorten his run, maybe using a stairgate, so the neighbours have at least one room with some peace and quiet?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 01/02/2011 17:43

It is perfectly possible to be thinking of autism in a 2 yr old. By the time my eldest was 2 and a half, he had a diagnosis.

Sometimes it is that obvious.

Write to your landlord, explaining the situation and asking to be allowed to lay carpet. Failing that, buy some huge rugs and cover the floor with those.

Your son does not need to use his ride ons in the house.

Don't wear shoes in the house.

Take him outside as often as possible to provide opportunities for him to run up and down.

How do you know she hates you because of the noise? Has she previously talked to you about it?

BuzzLightBeer · 01/02/2011 17:45

Well her attitude sounds terrible, bit to be fair it really can be hellish living underneath someone with wooden floors and a small child running, banging etc excessively. You should find out if there are development rules..is it block or a converted house or what? There are usually rules about wooden floors above people.

kepler10b · 01/02/2011 17:48

having lived in ground floor flats beneath adult insominiac who paced around all night i can imagine this is absolute hell for your neighbour. clearly it is not very pleasant for you either but at least it is your child causing the problem. you have a small amount of control over the situation. she has none.

not good to swear at you in the street but having to put up with this noise from above day in day out must be driving her mad and stopping her from having quiet enjoyment of the flat.

have you thought of moving to a ground floor flat? it would make life more pleasant for all concerned.

onehotmomma · 01/02/2011 17:48

what a shitty situ :( I agree maybe gets some rugs to soften the noise. We got complaints when we lived in our flat because our ds was crawling around on the floor and we had carpet Hmm

Unfortunately I really don't think there is much you can do noise wise. Even with rugs and carpets they will still hear your ds but thats not his or your fault. Thats the thing about flats you can hear everything:(

FabbyChic · 01/02/2011 17:49

Maybe YOU should pay for carpet not your Landlord, it is your problem.

PinkElephant73 · 01/02/2011 17:50

your neighbour sounds like a piece of work, there is NO excuse for her to swear at you and abuse you, if anyone is a candidate for NfH its her.

I think you may be on a hiding to nothing to try and explain the situation, as she doesn't sound the understanding type, and you are more likely to get another mouthful of abuse.

wooden/laminate flooring is a disaster in upper floor flats though, as you have found out.

would your landlord allow you to pay for carpet to be laid over the existing flooring, if it could be removed afterwards without damage?

lovemy2babies · 01/02/2011 17:50

You are not the bad neighbour, they are!

We had somthing similar our next door is always rentded out anis a 5 bedroom wheres ours is a 3 bedroom so we can only use our bedroom as the master bedroom where as they have 4 other rooms to choose from!

Anywhoo, 2 year old DD wakes at 6 in the morning screaming for some reason and is in our bed, next door thumping on the walls.

They did this a few times.

Sods

Luckly they left Grin

curlymama · 01/02/2011 17:54

You need to get rugs, if your ds is running alot, it is only fair. And make him wear soft slippers.

I agree that autiam can be very apparant at 2, but you do still have to control the situation as best you can.

Can you take him out more often, go to the park and let him burn off as much energy as possible?

AvonCallingBarksdale · 01/02/2011 17:57

Very tricky situation for you, buuuuut, it would drive me absolutely potty to be living underneath you, I'm afraid Sad. Regardless of an autism dx, your ds sounds like a pretty typical 2yr old boy, doing a lot of running. Does the neighbour own her flat? If she rents too, perhaps you might have the same landlord, and you could draft him in to help resolve? It is awful, though, having your peace destroyed by something you have no control over. sorry.

mamatomany · 01/02/2011 17:59

Write to your landlord, explaining the situation

I'd be worried you won't get renewed if you you do that, has the neighbour compained to the lettings agency or the landlord ? You need to be careful about references I guess.
Buy a bloody big rug though, i'm not sure if you can lay carpet over laminate, I thought it had to come up ?
Who puts laminate in a flat anyway, asking for trouble.

RumourOfAHurricane · 01/02/2011 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TallulahDoesTheHula · 01/02/2011 18:02

I'd write her a note explaining about your DS and also that you have requested carpets from your landlord, are putting your DS in slippers, getting rugs etc and doing your very best to discourage him from his repetetive behaviours that may be noisy.
Also mention that although you appreciate its not ideal for her having the noise, it is causing you distress having her shouting and swearing at you and you really are doing your best so please could she also try and be considerate in return.

I understand how tough it is to stop him running if thats what he is fixed on doing (my DS is autistic - and incidentally we also knew he was at age 2, although wasnt diagnosed till he was 4, so its not uncommon to know that early)

LDNmummy · 01/02/2011 18:10

Ok, you are not the best neighbour but neither is she. Explain the situation, as others have suggested, write a note and maybe slip it under her door. The situation is not because you are being intentionally neglegent and you have tried to bridge the gap with kind gestures. Buy a rug if the landlord will not carpet the place, something nice and thick that you wouldn't mind the LO playing on. She sounds horrid though, the property I currently live in is really bad in terms of noise travelling, my neighbours hear everything in the flat below Blush but no swearing is exchanged and they try to be understanding and I try to make an effort. She is a worse neighbour in my opinion for the way she has handled it.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 01/02/2011 18:24

we dont wear shoes in the house i take them off at the front door as i'm very aware of the noise.

we already have rugs, i even resorted to putting a double quilt down in ds's room to soften the noise, but he likes the noise of the laminate flooring so he take all his toys off the rugs and onto the wooden floor. i do try to stop this but its exhausting and i find myself giving up.

i'm not buying carpets for a property that's not mine, i would never get that money back and i cant afford to pump money into a flat that i dont own and would never get back.

i think i'm going to go her her door when my dp gets back from work to try and discuss the situation as adults.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 01/02/2011 18:28

I don't know. I think the price of carpet is a small price to pay for peace among neighbours. If they continue to hate you because of the noise, you won't have a very nice life, will you?

How long are you going to be living there?

Fiddledee · 01/02/2011 18:30

I would move to a ground floor flat with a garden for your DS to run around.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 01/02/2011 18:37

i dont intend on moving anywhere i love my home and the street we live in, i honestly cant afford to kit out a whole flat with carpets, it looks like we may have to pay for a private salt because the waiting list is so long, and yes it would help to make peace with the neighbours but i just cant afford to pay that sort of money and never get it back

OP posts: