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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i think I'M the neighbour from hell

114 replies

mummysgoingmad · 01/02/2011 17:27

we moved into our flat last June. It is perfect for us our own little garden, in a quiet street and nice enough neighbours

My ds is 2, i have had concerns for sometime about some behaviour he has, autism has been flagged up recently and we are now waiting for him to be assessed. His repetitive running is very noisy and it is something i am trying to stop him doing in the home. He runs from one end of the flat to another and i appreciate its very noisy it doesn't help that we have wooden flooring throughout the flat, i have asked my landlord to consider laying carpet but he said no.

my downstairs neighbours hate me because of the noise but i feel there's not really much i can do about it, i am trying everything i can to get him to stop running but i cant stop him playing with his toys on the floor i.e. his cars, ride on toys building blocks and soft balls.

at 7 this morning my neighbours banged on my door when i went to answer it i heard her shouting "shut the fuck up!". Fine i thought ,he's probably woke them up with the running. I gave her some bits and bobs for her expectant grandchild, like a high chair i had for my ds, (rarely used and very expensive) only to find it laying in the garden with a load of rubbish,

To be honest i dont want to go down and explain why he runs as i am still getting my head round the autism thing, i dont really want to explain this to somebody who cant stand us as it is.
i just walked past my neighbour in the street i said "hiya" she said "fucking cow" and gave me a dirty look, i came home and cried Sad
what else can i do?

OP posts:
mellicauli · 01/02/2011 19:36

My brother in law had the same problem with his neighbours. They did install carpets but a the flat was very poorly insulated. The people were just like the ones you describe.

They are much happier now they have moved. I really suggest you start looking around for a ground floor flat. It is the only solution for this problem. Staying will be misery for everyone.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 01/02/2011 19:36

dont want to do anything, so what your saying is i either lay carpet which i cannot afford to lay! not that i dont want to i cannot afford to! or move

great..just great Hmm

OP posts:
TheMonster · 01/02/2011 19:38

Could you speak to your landlord about carpets? It may well be easier for him to lay carpets than deal with your neighbour hassling him about the noise?

TakeItOnTheChins · 01/02/2011 19:38

So you're saying your neighbour just has to put up with it then?

That's just great for her Hmm

maryz · 01/02/2011 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MainlyMaynie · 01/02/2011 19:46

She is being very unpleasant, but if I were her I would be very pissed off too. I wouldn't call you a cow in the street, but it is very difficult making pleasantries with neighbours who are making your life hell with noise. This is what you're doing to her.

I think you need to move - it isn't reasonable to live in a first floor flat with wooden floors and a toddler who likes to run. It will be much more relaxing for both you and him if you're not constantly worrying about how much noise you're making. The solution here isn't for her to just put up with the noise, you have to be prepared to take action.

mumbar · 01/02/2011 19:48

Actually hectate may be on to something with bubblewrap. Would that laid on the floor in his room dull the noise? Maybe the popping noise as he plays would satisfy his noise need?

Its hard OP, and I can see your point about the neighbour having to accept it - and the swearing is totally unacceptable. You are under duress at the moment with possible DX of Autism. But you may have to consider that your life and your ds needs will be different and that may require you to move. Sorry I know you don't want to hear that. Sad

curlymama · 01/02/2011 20:02

What did you expect people to say mummyisgoingmad?

Did you think everyone would say that the neighbour has no right to some peace and quiet in their own home just because your ds possibly has autism? That they are unreasonable not to want to put up with banging for twenty minutes at a time, only for it to start again twenty minutes later.

Or were you hoping that because you might have an autistic child that your rights trump those of your neighbours?

Hmm
cumfy · 01/02/2011 20:03

Do you know where their bedroom is located ?

Would it be possible to "route" DS elsewhere ?
Or ease his bedtime forward ?

Possibly part of the difficulty from their POV is that you "let" DS run from one end of the flat to another.

Good luck, sounds a tricky situation.

Nicdigby · 01/02/2011 20:10

I have two small kids, and yes, they run around and make a racket.

But, it's only ever during decent daytime hours eg 8am to 8pm, never at night.....is she perhaps objecting to early morning wake up calls / lack of peace and quiet at night?? Just a suggestion?

I have to say that I lived under someone with a wooden floor once and the noise was incredible, so frustrating and disruptive, it really gets to you. I worked shifts as well, and when you're sleep deprived you get very grumpy at the cause of the noise.

I really would consider moving as the noise your child is making would drive a lot of people bonkers TBH.

cumfy · 01/02/2011 20:11

:o atswimtwolengths

That's a cunning plan, with a very sound theoretical basis.

But I sense there may possibly be a smidgin of resistance.

WikiSpeaks · 01/02/2011 20:13

I really feel for you. Our 2 DCs are noisy, and our neighbour is quite unpleasent about us. She also rows alot with her teenage DC, and plays her music loud. When my DH went to ask her to turn it down she basically said it was our punishment for having noisy DC. The irony is I don't think we are that loud.

I just think she's oversensitive and has forgotton what it's like to have young children (and she has twins!!!)

Anyway we have decided to move. I started a thread about it a while ago.

We're paying more rent, our bedrooms will be smaller BUT it is detatched with a bigger garden.

We knew that we were never going to resolve the issue. We already have carpets. We couldn't so anything more except shush our children for the rest of their lives.

It was/is so fricking stressful. Everytime I see her car my heart sinks.

We 'fought' moving for so long. We love it here, the area, our friends, the park for the dog etc etc...

But knowing someone next door is cursing you from the minute my children wake up was just not soemthing I could live with. The balance shifted and it was time to go.

We have 3 weeks left and I'm sooooo ready.

Good luck whatever you decide.

cumfy · 01/02/2011 20:19

Does your LL have other (ground floor) properties ?
Then can synchronise any move, fairly straightforwardly.

I guess the trouble is you may not wish to bring the problem to your LL's attention.

clam · 01/02/2011 20:19

I appreciate that you must be very worried about this possible diagnosis for your son and that this issue with the neighbour is the last thing you need.

However, there have been some very good (inexpensive) suggestions made to you on here about things you could do to minimise the problem. Go back and re-read them.

RevoltingPeasant · 01/02/2011 21:12

OP, I haven't read all the responses, but am going to butt in anyway....

Your neighbour sounds like my dad in drag. He cannot stand, and I mean cannot stand, the noise of children.

God knows why he had his own, but that's a different thread. The point is, it makes him genuinely distressed when he hears repetitive noise from children (other types of noise too, but that's a real trigger). It completely takes over his experience, disrupts his routines, and he can't stop thinking about it even it's not actually happening, because he worries it will start again.

People have suggested to us that he actually is on Asperger's spectrum; I don't know much about it, but from what I know it seems possible. Is it possible that your neighbour may not just be a bitch, but have her own issues? For example, some type of neurosis/ sensitivity, and you are really pushing her buttons?

edam · 01/02/2011 21:27

With wooden floors in a flat, I'd guess your neighbour has probably complained about noise even before you moved in. Difference now is there's a small child running about and, from your description, possibly more noise than the previous tenants.

Do go back to your landlord and say the downstairs neighbour is complaining about noise from the hard floors. Ask him if she's complained in the past. Tell him exactly what she has said and ask him if you can both come up with an idea.

Appreciate lack of money makes this very hard for you to resolve, btw, but there are some good suggestions here short of carpeting the entire flat from your own pocket.

edam · 01/02/2011 21:29

(If you do move, I hope her next upstairs neighbour is a student who loves to party, or someone who plays the drums... abusive and aggressive comments mean she deserves very little sympathy IMO.)

Tramadol · 01/02/2011 21:39

Sorry op but I think you should move. You are making some poor womans life absolute hell. A first floor flat with laminate flooring is no place to be living with a child.

lottiejenkins · 01/02/2011 21:53

Tramadol please read the whole thread and see that the OP has asked her landlord for a carpet and been refused!!!

MoonUnitAlpha · 01/02/2011 21:53

What time is he up in the morning? If the noise is between 7am and 7pm then I think the neighbour is making a fuss about nothing.

RevoltingPeasant · 01/02/2011 21:57

Yes MoonUnit, that's a point.

We used to live in a g/f flat under someone with wooden flooring, and they got up for work at about 3am 5 and that was quite annoying.

I don't know, probably IABU, but I think I am with those who say that if you have a young child you should not rent a flat without carpets because you know they'll make noise. I think I would find it v stressful to live under you, and it would really affect my quality of life.

curlymama · 01/02/2011 22:05

Lottie, there's nothing stopping her from moving, or paying for carpet herself. It's not her ll's fault that she has a particularly noisy child, or that she has chosen to rent somewhere unsuitable.

MoonUnitAlpha · 01/02/2011 22:06

I don't think a lot of people have masses of choice about where they live though - you have to find something reasonable that you can afford. If you're limiting yourself to houses or groundfloor flats then it becomes difficult!

I live in a 2nd floor flat, wooden floors, small child. My upstairs neighbours have a toddler and wooden floors too - I hear him running around all the time. It's not making me miserable though.

zonkin · 01/02/2011 22:08

Started to read the posts on this thread and stopped.

Having lived in flats your kid is making her life hell. And she doesn't really care what his special needs are. All she knows is that all she can hear is some kid running about on laminate flooring which must be awful.

My kids make tons of noise and that is the reason we moved into a house from a flat. Yes we are semi detached but if I could afford I would get detached. I do the best I can in a semi detached.

I tolerate/put up with/etc noise from my neighbours and their kids on the street but appreciate it's quid pro quo and that my kids must irratate them (esp in summer). Ane yes, I feel bad about it.

In fact, I'm dreaming of the day we can afford detached and then make as much blardy noise as we like!

MsKLo · 01/02/2011 22:09

Agree with revolting peasant
I really thunk you need to move somewhere more appropriate - I don't blame the neighbour for being fed up (although swearing at you was wrong)

You need to move!