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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i think I'M the neighbour from hell

114 replies

mummysgoingmad · 01/02/2011 17:27

we moved into our flat last June. It is perfect for us our own little garden, in a quiet street and nice enough neighbours

My ds is 2, i have had concerns for sometime about some behaviour he has, autism has been flagged up recently and we are now waiting for him to be assessed. His repetitive running is very noisy and it is something i am trying to stop him doing in the home. He runs from one end of the flat to another and i appreciate its very noisy it doesn't help that we have wooden flooring throughout the flat, i have asked my landlord to consider laying carpet but he said no.

my downstairs neighbours hate me because of the noise but i feel there's not really much i can do about it, i am trying everything i can to get him to stop running but i cant stop him playing with his toys on the floor i.e. his cars, ride on toys building blocks and soft balls.

at 7 this morning my neighbours banged on my door when i went to answer it i heard her shouting "shut the fuck up!". Fine i thought ,he's probably woke them up with the running. I gave her some bits and bobs for her expectant grandchild, like a high chair i had for my ds, (rarely used and very expensive) only to find it laying in the garden with a load of rubbish,

To be honest i dont want to go down and explain why he runs as i am still getting my head round the autism thing, i dont really want to explain this to somebody who cant stand us as it is.
i just walked past my neighbour in the street i said "hiya" she said "fucking cow" and gave me a dirty look, i came home and cried Sad
what else can i do?

OP posts:
Plumm · 01/02/2011 18:37

I understand why you want to talk to her but I don't think you'll have much luck with a woman who will call you a "fucking cow" in the street.

lalalonglegs · 01/02/2011 18:38

Move.

Plumm · 01/02/2011 18:38

Would DS see it as a game if you tell him the rugs are his running track?

bubblewrapped · 01/02/2011 18:43

If you go to any plumbers merchant, or DIY store, they sell something called Roll n Stroll. It is a floor protector that tradesmen use and it will muffle the sound a fair bit. It doesnt damage the floor, and it doesnt cost a fortune. It is also no-slip.

Acanthus · 01/02/2011 18:44

I think you'll have to put some thick mats down if you want to stay there. Can you get foam like they use to lie on for yoga or aerobics?

curlymama · 01/02/2011 18:45

You say that you don't want to move, and that you don't want to pay for carpet. You can't have it both ways, you are being very selfish with that attitude.

What do you mean when you say 'discuss it?' Are you hoping they are just going to say 'ok, if your ds might have SN we won't be bothered by the noise anymore? Because they won't. You know that though right?

MsVelvet · 01/02/2011 18:47

My 2.6yr old runs around all the time, when she was a baby we had neighbours below us and they had a toddler who ran up and down the flat all the time, it was driving me insane with all the thudding i could hear through my flat. there is only so much bang bang bang you can take before you want to scream. I understand how you are feeling but also your neighbour. put down some very thick rugs to help soak up the thudding when he is running about.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 01/02/2011 18:49

I owned my own home for 7 years or so. I replaced the carpets about 3 times. I didn't get any money back for it because I owned my home. It was just about being comfortable.

I now rent.

I have carpeted because it's where I live and I want to be comfortable.

Money is one thing, if you don't have it then you don't have it! but not carpeting because you rent is, imo, just making your home less comfortable. Especially if you are renting long term. Carpets wear out and I don't think I got anything back for carpets when I owned my house.

But, like you say, you can't afford to carpet so it's academic anyway.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 01/02/2011 18:50

I think you can lay carpet over laminate, but apparently the carpet wears much quicker because of the lack of underlay - and you'd probably need to trim all of the doors as well. You'd also have to make sure it was rubber backed carpet too, and obviously make sure the LL approves.

LDNmummy · 01/02/2011 18:52

But surely moving would be the right thing for all parties if it is a persistent problem you cannot stop despite your efforts?

I understand where you are coming from and your neighbour sounds like a cow, but if your son is doing this and you cannot stop it, despite your loving your street and flat, wouldn't it be wiser to move to a different, possibly ground floor flat where this will not be an issue. Wouldn't the repurcussions of dealing with this issue with your neighbour be more stressful if it is ongoing?

I hope it does work out for you and you get to stay put though.

maryz · 01/02/2011 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bubblewrapped · 01/02/2011 18:53

Really though, is it fair or safe to allow a child to run indoors?

Ephiny · 01/02/2011 18:54

Well children do usually run around a lot, special needs or otherwise, so you were possibly being a bit unreasonable to move into an upstairs flat with wooden floors when you already had a small child. I can see how that must be very annoying for the neighbours, especially if it's waking them up early every morning.

No need for her to be so nasty though, swearing at you like that is out of order. I doubt you'll get very far with trying to talk to her.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 01/02/2011 18:55

I think it's fairly safe to allow a child to run indoors.

It's not fair to neighbours if they make a bloody racket doing it, but I think it's fairly safe.

when mine were small I childproofed the crap out of the house. Seriously, I just stopped short of bubblewrapping everything Grin

I think inside was safer than outside.

kittybuttoon · 01/02/2011 18:56

Your neighbour shouldn't have sworn at you, of course - but from her pov neither you or your landlord are doing anything to ease her misery.

And it must be very miserable for her, listening to what sounds like an absolutely terrible racket, especially if she is a granny who is at home all day.

You say you don't want to put down carpet, and you don't want to move either. Neither do you want to stop your ds from playing with his cars on the wooden floors.

So what DO you want to do? Anything?

If you are really not going to do anything to ease the poor woman's pain, then have the courage to tell her so, so that she can make a decision about what SHE wants to do next.

If she complains to your landlord, you may find you have no choice but to move out, so if you want to stay, you'll really need to make some compromises, pronto.

Sorry to sound harsh, but you did ask AIBU, and you really are.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 01/02/2011 18:58

bubblewrapped - how many children/what age do you have Grin

In an indeal world my children would never run indoors.........but I don't live in an ideal world so we have rules, and places they're not supposed to run, and times they're not allowed to run......

TheMonster · 01/02/2011 18:58

She was rude and sbusive, and that's out order, but she is obviously vwey angry about the noise intruding on her life.

I think you were wrong to buy a 1st floor flat with a small child, and it's just inconsiderate to have wooden floors as well.

houseworkwhore · 01/02/2011 18:58

Hmm difficult one,

I can see both sides here, she is pissed off because your DS is running around disturbing her peace all the time, I personally would be thinking why are you letting him do that and would also be pissed off with the noise,

HOWEVER... (IMO) if you were to come to me and explain the situation, say your son has suspected autism it would instantly make me think that you are not a pain in the arse neighbour and that there is reasons for the behaviour.

The thing is aswell you have a responsibility as a neighbour/tenant/parent to ensure that all peace is kept, you dont want your contract to be terminated because of noise and complaints, you need to take reasonable steps i.e rugs,explainations. also maybe try distractions with your son, so maybe do painting or drawing or watch a dvd to stop him from running around.

If your son has autism you may end up needing to move, as the stress of dealing with his illness and your neighbours ignorance may prove to much and you may need the support of neighbours occasionaly and pissing them off wont do you any favours.

HTH and good luck x

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 01/02/2011 19:00

ermm BodyOfEeyore - they didn't buy it - they're renting.

taintedpaint · 01/02/2011 19:00

Your neighbour sounds horrible, but tbh, it doesn't sound like you're exactly a bundle of laughs to have as a neighbour either. I don't mean that to sound harsh, it's just the way it is. A rude neighbour is horrible, but equally so is a noisy one.

The solution is either to soundproof in the form of very thick carpeting and rugs or you move house. Since you don't seem to be willing to do either, I doubt you'll find a compromise and you'll probably be at loggerheads with the neighbour until one of you gives in and moves. I do sympathise about your DS, it can't be easy waiting for confirmation of SN, but unfortunately that won't likely make a difference to your living situation. Your neighbour won't magically become 'nice' if she knows you are waiting on a SN diagnosis, afterall, it doesn't decrease the noise.

I don't think either of you are the neighbours from hell, but I do think you both are being quite unreasonable.

taintedpaint · 01/02/2011 19:02

I don't think it could hurt to attempt an explanation to your neighbour btw, just don't expect anything to come of it. If she's willing to swear at you in the street, she probably won't be receptive to anything else.

WorzselMummage · 01/02/2011 19:02

Your neighbour sounds like a real piece of work but tbh my sympathies lie with her.

Noisy neighbours are hell. It sounds like you know your sob makes an unacceptable level of noise so IMO you have 2 choices.

  1. Buy your own carpet with underlay.
  2. Move
HecateQueenOfWitches · 01/02/2011 19:04

Grin baroque, they're 10 & 11 now. I'm talking when they were little, like the op's child.

And they both have autism too. So I can relate to the running and racket!

But at the end of the day, you know what?

Nobody gives a fuck or cuts you much slack.

That's what I learned years ago.

Your neighbours don't care, the people at the shop don't care, the people in the library don't care, the people in the street don't care...

You can be struggling with a dozen kids with autism and the world out there gives not one teeny weeny shit. You have to get on with it.

World will carry on and will expect you to fit in.

werewolf · 01/02/2011 19:04

Your neighbour sounds at the end of her tether.

TheMonster · 01/02/2011 19:05

Ok then Baroque:
I think you were wrong to rent a 1st floor flat with a small child, and it's just inconsiderate to have wooden floors as well.

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