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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

i think I'M the neighbour from hell

114 replies

mummysgoingmad · 01/02/2011 17:27

we moved into our flat last June. It is perfect for us our own little garden, in a quiet street and nice enough neighbours

My ds is 2, i have had concerns for sometime about some behaviour he has, autism has been flagged up recently and we are now waiting for him to be assessed. His repetitive running is very noisy and it is something i am trying to stop him doing in the home. He runs from one end of the flat to another and i appreciate its very noisy it doesn't help that we have wooden flooring throughout the flat, i have asked my landlord to consider laying carpet but he said no.

my downstairs neighbours hate me because of the noise but i feel there's not really much i can do about it, i am trying everything i can to get him to stop running but i cant stop him playing with his toys on the floor i.e. his cars, ride on toys building blocks and soft balls.

at 7 this morning my neighbours banged on my door when i went to answer it i heard her shouting "shut the fuck up!". Fine i thought ,he's probably woke them up with the running. I gave her some bits and bobs for her expectant grandchild, like a high chair i had for my ds, (rarely used and very expensive) only to find it laying in the garden with a load of rubbish,

To be honest i dont want to go down and explain why he runs as i am still getting my head round the autism thing, i dont really want to explain this to somebody who cant stand us as it is.
i just walked past my neighbour in the street i said "hiya" she said "fucking cow" and gave me a dirty look, i came home and cried
what else can i do?

OP posts:

curlymama · 01/02/2011 19:09

Renting would make it even more UR for the OP to be there, she could move fairly easily compared to someone that owned.

edam · 01/02/2011 19:12

I think your landlord is at fault. No-one should put hard floors down in a flat that is not on the ground floor. Far too noisy. If it's leasehold he may even be breaking the terms of his lease - there is often a clause requiring carpets. And your neighbour has no right to speak to you like that, however stressful it is (and swearing at you on two occasions is seriously not on).

However, there clearly is a noise problem, so do look at the suggestions about rugs and that stuff builders use. And make sure the ride-on toys are kept for outdoors.

LifeInTheSlowLane · 01/02/2011 19:13

I think it would help to speak to your neighbour or write a letter explaining your son's difficulties. It's not easy to do but maybe she will be more understanding when she realises the problem. I don't see why you should have to move - she choses to live in a flat so she has to accept that there will be noise (I lived in a basement for years BTW so I know all about noise from upstairs!! ) My youngest DS is undergoing assessment for autism and has terrible tantrums. Fortunately we now live in a house but I was always apologising to the neighbours for the noise when we lived in our flat, and once they knew the reason they were actually pretty sympathetic.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 01/02/2011 19:14

pssst - HEcate - I wasn't talking to you I was talking to the poster called bubblewrapped

BoE - I have to confess when my DS1 was 1 year old the thought of a small child running relentlessly up and down wouldn't actually have occured to me. You now the PFB snydrome, - my child will be an angel, only run around outside and will do as they're told at all times........

Of course now I'm older, and wiser - it is certainly a consideration but I still rented an entire house that is wooden floor throughout

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 01/02/2011 19:15

you *know

HecateQueenOfWitches · 01/02/2011 19:16

I thought you were referring to my post where I said I practically bubblewrapped everything!

JamieLeeCurtis · 01/02/2011 19:19

I think edam is right.

I have every sympathy with you OP, I do, and there's no excuse for that woman to swear at you, but I think the noise you describe would drive me round the bend. All you can do is to write her a letter, as others have said

FanjolinaJolie · 01/02/2011 19:19

What about those interlocking colourful foam mats? They would be non-slip and you could set them up all along the corridor and in the rooms as well?

Would at least look colourful and help to dampen the noise?

Cheaper than carpet?

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 01/02/2011 19:21

no -but I can see the confusion

And it was a very eloquent response you posted

Thankfully my neighbours (that complained about my DS's noise when I moved in last year) have stopped complaining and the wife even thanked me late last year for quietening them down - I hadn't actually done anything - I'd tried, reduced myself to sleeping on the landing outside DS2/3's bedroom, and realised it couldn't continue so gave up. Eventually it dawned on me that I think as they'd had a single male living in this house before me that the "normal" family noise was a bit of a shell shock..

Bloke still hates me - but that's coz i iz a single mum on benefeets

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 01/02/2011 19:23

Fanjolina - would those not slip on laminate? They do on our church floor...(not laminate but smooth like it)

LifeInTheSlowLane · 01/02/2011 19:24

Other peoples' noise is just something you have to put up with if you live in a flat unfortunately. You just have to do your best to make it as bearable as you can. Can you stop your DS going in certain rooms, for example the room above your neighbours bedroom, early in the morning or something? He's only two so presumably you can shut/lock some doors to stop him going in?

The way I looked at it when I was in a flat was that daytime noise was ok, but noise in the middle of the night was what bothered me most - had one particular upstairs neighbour who was a single girl-about-town who regularly came stomping in at 3am, often bringing the party back to hers which was not ok!!

FanjolinaJolie · 01/02/2011 19:24

Possibly I guess, you could put a layer of that thin rubbery non-slip stuff in between?

AuntiePickleBottom · 01/02/2011 19:25

i don't think i could cope with a child running back and forth, even my own son after 20 minutes of him running around upstairs i call doen.

you either need to move or get carpets, you maybe enjoying your home but clearly the person under you is having a hell of a time

atswimtwolengths · 01/02/2011 19:26

But there's a really simple solution to this - swap flats!

Why not? You both want to live there. Presumably the other tenant doesn't want to move either and won't make as much noise.

Could you suggest it to her?

Original poster

mummysgoingmad · 01/02/2011 19:28

sorry i dont accept that i was wrong to rent a flat because its on the 1st floor, thats ludicrous! the wooden floors were in the property when i took it on, i did take it up with the landlord about the flooring when i 1st moved in he said it was fine as there was concrete between the 2 houses which after a few week we found knew that was nonsense.

we bought big rugs, they aren't making much difference as i said. ds is in bed by 7.

this woman isn't an old lady i would say she was 55-60 at a push! she has a job in a bakery so i would imagine she's up earlier than us most days, she doesn't go to bed early either as i usually hear the tv up until 9-10pm

ds usually goes to a child minder, however he is hasn't been going this week as shes on holiday.

usually he's out of the house by 10, i pick him up at 3, we then go out and about until about 5-6 then tea bath and bed. i try to keep us out of the house as much as possible to try and keep the peace however sometimes i cant afford to.

OP posts:

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 01/02/2011 19:28

Or - OP could speak to her LL, (depends on how reasonable he/she is - I know mine would be fine if I spoke to him about something like this and it wouldn't be an eviction notice) and explain the situation, after all - if it's a problem for your neighbours with you in there, it's going to be a problem for the neighbours with anyone else moving around a lot - it could put off potential letters and make it harder to let with the laminate.

Maybe offer to go halves on the carpet or something?

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 01/02/2011 19:30

ahh - x posts with you there - perhaps as the flooring has already been discussed with him in the past you could bring it up again - and explain that it IS causing issues.

TakeItOnTheChins · 01/02/2011 19:30

Well the neighbour isn't handling it very well, with the swearing and all but really, I'd hate to live underneath you too.

You say you don't want to move, you won't consider paying for carpets, and that you "give up" trying to stop your DS from running his cars on the noisy floor. I take it your neighbour has just got to put up with it, has she?

TBH if I'd been woken up at 7 in the morning by someone's kid running up and down, I'd probably yell at you to shut the fuck up as well.

TheSecondComing · 01/02/2011 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 01/02/2011 19:32

TSC - my neighbours knocked on my door 10 minutes after DS3 had woken up and had a couple of minute tantrum...(by the time they knocked he was calm again) - it doesn't take some people long.

JamieLeeCurtis · 01/02/2011 19:32

yes, it does sound like you don't want to do anything.

Original poster

mummysgoingmad · 01/02/2011 19:33

FanjolinaJolie thats a good idea to pit around the edges of the rugs, i might give them a go.

don't think she'd want to swap i think shes council and i'm private let.

OP posts:

maryz · 01/02/2011 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMonster · 01/02/2011 19:34

I remember the thoughts, Baroque. My child was only ever going to eat home-cooked food too.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 01/02/2011 19:36

yep - those are the ones Body - well remembered - oh what a shock it was as he started walking, and talking and he didn't fit into those perfect little boxes I'd formed in my mind.....

10 years later............I'm much more of a realist

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