To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

[WriterofDreams]

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

I don't see why someone would be proud of being English or white wook as they are not things you work to achieve, they just happen to be true. Marriage is a choice and something you have to work at in order for it to succeed, so if it does succeed then I think it is something to be proud of.

Thewook Did you mean my idea to have no titles just names?

It would make everything easier.

Why did he what?

I am proud of being me just call me Ivy Katy as that is whom I am, if you want to choose a title for me - not really bothered ms mrs miss take your pick. Though just being me is far more important

WHy did your H get such a stick up his arse about not being publicly acknowledged as your owner on the labour ward? Wasn't there something slightly more important for him to be thinking about at the time, such as the birth of your DC?

But Writer that doesn't mean it has to be in your title. I'm proud of my job but don't call myself 'editor Swanandduck' I'm proud of my children but don't call myself 'mother swanandduck'. No one's saying you shouldn't be proud of having worked hard to keep your marriage together. That is a separate thing.

I really don't see the problem with 'partner' in situations like a labour ward - it's just neutral and covers all possibilities - you can be married or unmarried partners, your partner may be a man or a woman. Much better than the days when they used to say 'husband' as the default!

The midwives etc probably really don't care whether you've got a marriage certificate or not, it isn't their business and surely they have more important things to focus on than keeping track of who has exactly what legal arrangement with their partner and how proud they are of it and what special names they like to be referred to by to reflect it!

Oh, because he was far more concerned about making sure that the midwife was kept in her place whilst neglecting me and his newborn DD and making some patriarchial point.

I mean, it was all he thought of - that 10 second conversation with the midwife of "what about husbands" "not all our ladies have husbands, we use partners" - it took over the entire birth, labour and post partum period. In fact, 11 years on it still has a detrimental effect on his relationship with her.

Sheesh.

Stuffing Whilst I agree that on a maternity ward, MWs probably don't have time to always check what people want to be called.

I think it is rude to assume that because you feel 'Mrs' or 'husband' denotes some form of ownership that it does for others. I know my DH has no idea of ownership, he does not own me, I do not own him.

Don't assume that everyone else thinks of it in such negative terms. My husband would prefer to be called my husband rather than my partner, if given the choice, because he is married to me and is happy to be married to me and wants that marriage to be recognised.

Would he correct a busy MW whilst I was in labour? No, he would be too busy making sure I'm ok. Would he prefer husband to partner if given the choice? Yes.

Its got bugger all to do with ownership.

LOL Stayfrosty. And so true.

Some people are proud to be parents. Why? Because it proves they can get a shag?

Well, I am proud to be a wife for 21 years, I think it's a bloody achievement. I would also say the same if I had been in a
patnership for 21 years.

However posters stating that marriage doesn't mean much legally are very missinformed. A husband and wife have some automatic legal protections and rights over money, possessions, even a father's right to be on their childs birth certificate[I think-an unmarried father cannot be put on birth certificate unless he is present, a married father doesn't need to be] that a non married couple do not have.

LeQ

Presumably meaning 'partner' is a catch all phrase and 'husband' isn't, which makes sense.

WriterofDreams Your academic achievements are something to be proud of. Maintaining a long term relationship is also an achievement but getting married in itself is not so being proud of that does seem a bit odd to me - it seems like you are proud of getting hitched. I just don't get it

Nikon I think brass said it before you, but it was definitely the best idea ever!

WoD the white/English thing was on from your response to regarding the point that it is one step away from being proud of something you are, or are not, to denigrating (I think Eldritch put the original point to you)... I quite agree that it's great to be proud of achievements, but, despite the work in marriage, I can't really see it as an achievement as such,- and promotion of marriage, e.g. tax breaks, public pronouncements in favour of marriage as an institution, etc seems to sadly often go along with policies, actions or beliefs that denigrate, for example, single parenthood.

Thewook Damn, I was beaten to it. Brilliant idea though.

Oh, it was amazing. DD was born, we spent time with her, took the photos, made the phone calls, I had my shower, we spent more time with her, and as we were going up to the ward he had that conversation with her - that some arsey MNetters have managed to spin into a whole labour, delivery, and postpartum recovery