To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

[WriterofDreams]

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

I just think it's a shame Jimmy (love the name!) that a person can't celebrate the good things in their life without being seen as smug.

But I should also say if this is your biggest problem in life then you're a very lucky lady.
Sorry I meant a very lucky Missus.

Sorry for that btw

I know what you mean though.People take things differently and you might come across a certain way without even realising it.

Don't worry if you want to be proud you can

I agree with the OP. I got married after giving it a lot of thought, and being married is important to me (not in a religious sense, more in that it is a clear commitment to each other). In the past there was the automatic assumption that people were married, and so people had to push for titles like Ms, or "my partner". Now the pendulum has swung the other way - but I still have the right to be addressed by the title I choose! If a company asks you what title you want, it is only reasonable to expect them to use it. If I persisted in calling someone Mrs when they preferred Ms that would be unreasonable. Surely the converse also holds.

I think the problem, writerofdreams, is that people are ALWAYS saying on hee that marriage is "different" it shows 'commitment" 'I wouldn't live with a man who wouldn't marry me" "if you're not married either party can just walk away" - the assumtions are endless. And it makes people like me, who has been in a comitted, monogamous relationship for more than 30 years feel a bit irked.

Marry if you want to - but don;t tell me that your arrangement is better and shows more commitment than mine.

Oh, and I do think it's incredibly rude of anyone, once they know you wish to be referred to a "Mrs", to call you anything else.

If someone addressed me as dh's partner, I would correct them and say Wife.

Ms is not even a word really is it? It's just a noise and I always feel like a real twat if I ever hav eto say it out loud.

How is Mrs a word and ms not?

And you are, of course, perfectly at liberty not to use the word partner if you don;t want to. But you wouldn;t be correcting the person who used it - you would be providing additional information.

Mrs = Misses
Ms = Mzzzz - crap word

They should have come up with a better word.

Ms sounds meh..

My partner (sorry) and I prefer the terms Babydaddy and Babymomma. When the hugely overstretched midwives were caring for me and dozens of other women in hospital, I made sure I pulled them up every time they insisted on referring to my Babydaddy as my partner. That showed them good and proper.

Potato, potahto. What have you got to prove?

They are all (Mrs, Miss and Ms) contractions of the word "Mistress"

Mind you, I find it equally tiresome when people refer to DS' dad as my partner/husband when he is neither. But saying 'co-parent' can sound apocalyptically wanky.

"apocalyptically wanky", brilliant!

O.T SGB I always loved your "SolidGoldSoddingJanuaryAgain" name 'cos I'm literary, me

I agree Drnotherener, I feel stupid saying Ms, not really sure how to say it properly. However in RL I don't know anyone who feels a need to make a political point by using it.

What annoys me is when people ask you how you want to be addresses then call you something else. If they are going to call me what they want anyway then they have wasted my time by asking.

I'm afraid that I'm going to have to make the point that talking about being married if you haven't been is a bit like talking about being a parent if you aren't one - you don't really know what it feels like till it happens.

Oddly, all women High Court judges are referred to as Mrs irrespective of actual status. Possibly because Mrs. Justice Cleavage sounds ok-ish but Miss Justice or Ms Justice Cleavage sounds slightly unfortunate...

I am proud of my marriage but I have bigger fish to fry then to get annoyed with an idiot who can't get my name right. My mother always told me 'If you are to start arguing with a fool, you will look a fool arguing with the fool!'

LeQueen - I also love it when DH introduces me as his wife. It isn't what he is saying but the way he says it. He gives me a look which makes me melt.

"I don't know anyone who feels a need to make a political point by using it."

Oh for fuck's sake. DON'T BE SO BLOODY STUPID.

Partner/husband and Mrs/Ms are two different issues. Mrs/Ms is part of your name and people should respect that. To do otherwise is to get your name wrong.

Someone referring to your husband as your partner is simply being factual. They're not making a mistake.

WoD - it's not marraige I have any problem with, and there's nothing sad or unworthy about being a wife.

It's just an issue for me when a women sees it as a crucial defining part of who she is.

I'm married, but would be just as happy if DH and I weren't. I call myself Ms. My private life with my partner (who also happens to be my husband) is irrelevant to my professional life, my status as a consumer/customer or anything else, really.

As nice as being married is, I don't see how it's really superior to just being in a committed loving partnership. I've seen fantastic non-married partnerships and really crap marriages.

And, as much as it might bother some people, I will continue to address all married women as Ms, beacuse I find Miss and Mrs offensive. Sometimes taking a stand for your own values is more important than mildly annoying someone else.

Actually, LeQueen, I don't think that society is cool about people not being married these days.
I think that what is happening now is that too many people are saying that marriage is 'just a piece of paper', or they 'don't need to marry to love each other'.
Which is right but wrong at the same time.
People may not need to be married to be committed to their relationships, but the purpose of marriage is to form a legal/financial bond between a couple- so that people can't just walk away from responsibilities - which, frankly, they can because, other than explicit financial commitments made between the co-habiting couple, there is no connection between them (quite right, too, I don't wish to be married by default. Want marital rights? Get married, say I).
If a close female relative of mine wished to cohabit long-term without marriage, I would feel it my duty to warn her of her rights (or lack of).
The fall-out between all these cohabitees breaking-up (because they will-cohabiting does not make a person immune to splitting-up. Even though, oddly, people think it makes them less likely to split), is a burden to the state financially and I think politicians are waking up to this.