To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

[WriterofDreams]

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

I can't remember whether it was just in Scotland (I was at uni in Edinburgh) that I used to hear it or whether the Northumbrians use it too. I think they do.

I am imagining going to some posh work do with DP:

Ah, you must be X's wife?
No, I'm his bidie-in.

I am a partner of my firm. I am a partner of my DP. I hear them differently in my head somehow.

Shall I reword then? What special skill does it take for someone to not want to let know weather they are married or not? If OP prefers to be called MRS because that what she is what is so wrong with it? Is it so deameaning to admit to be married nowadays that we need a word saying "you will not know if I am married or not!"? I think it is rather worrying actually that people admitting to be someones wife are actually been made to feel as they are wrong to be proud of it? we are not anymore living in a age were being someones wife equals being someones property or am I mistaken. There might not be a different term for a man when they are married than "mister" but i am pretty sure that when asked, most men would not blush at being called a married man.

deameaning? whoever can understand whatI meant and give me the correct spelling (for most my words) wins a chocolate orange segment!

LeQueen - I agree that it is wrong to view marriage as somehow bourgeois and old-fashioned.

However, I do believe (intensely!) that marriage ought to be viewed primarily as a legal contract and set of responsibilities rather than as a romantic or religious thing.

Don't really mind if people wish to cohabit as such- as long as they accept that legally they are unrelated and accept that they have no automatic rights in realtion to the other (other than they explicitly make via mortgage agreements etc), I don't care.

Dunno about that Bonsoir.

DH and I were firmly committed to one another before marraige (both emotionally and financially).

Getting married was just a romantic gesture.

A sort of why not moment.

It was one of the least utilitarian and sensible things I've ever done.

Litchick - the legal commitments of marriage vary wildly from jurisdiction to jurisdiction; indeed, in some jurisdictions, there are various different marriage (legal) contracts to choose between.

I'm not sure what is romantic about that? Romantic is falling in love and creating new life and building a common nest, IMO!

I think you are talking about the wedding being romantic/ceremonious, LeQueen, rather than marriage being romantic...

Both being lawyers, I guess we had all the legal and financial side of things sewn up well before we ever thought of marriage.

So for us it was simply a silly yet rather wonderful thing to do.

There as no point to it iyswim.

Yes the wedding is certainly romantic.

But I also feel that the state of being married for me is romantic too.

Again because there is no purpose for DH and I.

I know it probably sounds silly, but tha many ways reflects my view of our marriage. A georgeous bit of wonderfulness that isn't based on anything practical.

We didn't have a religious ceremony. And the wedding was ok. A bit stressful, (not as good as having a child ime and tbh.) But we did that first so unusual way round.

But I do find using the words wife and husband more romantic. And the notion of having a husband quite romantic.And would hate to lose those words and have to use partner.

Fine, Litchick, in the jurisdiction in which you married it was possible to "stitch up" your relationship from a financial and legal view point without marrying.

That is actually quite rare, though. Most countries make quite distinct legal provision for marriage (which, indeed, you might not like and choose to avoid!).

See, Marsha, I don't find "husband" and "wife" romantic at all. DP is forever referring to me as "ma femme" and I hate it and am quick to correct him and anyone else!

Oh me too, Marsha.

I was in the airport last week with DH and we were fannying around in Gucci, completely lost track of time, and there was ana announcement for us to baord.

Last call for Mr and Mrs Litchick. And we both collapsed into giggles.
It still sounds fabulous after all these years.

We started using it slightly tongue in cheek. Hello huband. Just to try it out. Now I quite like it!

But Mrs, bleurgh mil can keep that!

husband. Bonsoir think of the marvellous presents (really a joke .)

I would giggle at that too Litchick. I love that!