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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

945 replies

WriterofDreams · 01/02/2011 12:41

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

OP posts:
LeQueen · 02/02/2011 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TandB · 02/02/2011 10:18

[applauds LeQueen]

slug · 02/02/2011 10:20

Kungfupanda

Ms is the norm in countries like USA, NZ and Australia. I insist on it.

When I frist arrived in the UK, I was trying to open a bank account. (Not an easy thing to do, believe me). The man at the bank filling in the form with me asked "Is that Mrs or Miss?" I was horrifed and treated him to the full on (loud) feminist Kiwi rant. "Why on earth do you need to know my sexual availability? Would you ask a man if he was married? Is there some sexist rule in the UK that treats married women differently than single women and if not, why on earth do you need to know that piece of information?" etc. I was simply horrified that the bank would need to know my marital status since it wasn't explicitly asked on the form i.e. where a man would be required to answer it, I felt quite insulted.

You will note that he asked if I was a Miss or a Mrs, not if I was a Ms. In fact, the bank did not have the capacity for Ms on it's forms. I would not have been insulted if they asked Miss, Mrs or Ms, it's the fact that the only options were "sexually available" or "not sexually available" that wound me up.

I took my custom elsewhere.

fotheringhay · 02/02/2011 10:20

I agree people should be called what they want to be called, but I think it's also worthwhile considering the wider context/argument.

scottishmummy · 02/02/2011 10:21

dearie me posey parker,what does scottishmummy always drinking mean.is it some wee dig but you dont have courage to say out right oi scottishmummy is you a lush? Do you drink more than pat butcher?so use strike out to hint or infer

does it mean you discursive style is so weak thta you reduce self to you is a big ole scottish bevvy merchant?and dont disrespekk your opinion

is it a dig at scottish drinking sterotype?how very inappropriate of you. do you say it to all scottish posters

what ever is on your mind you are very juvenile to hint make digs

you see most people on mn can respond to posts without hinting,speculating anyone who has temerity to disagree with them is intoxicated

scaryteacher · 02/02/2011 10:23

'Ms is used by people who don't think there should be a difference in title between married/unmarried for women when it doesn't exist for men.' and are thus imposing their unwanted agenda on those of us who like being called Mrs. No-one asked me if I wanted Ms imposed on me. I don't. If a company asks if it is Miss or Ms they get told it's neither - it's Mrs.

In France you have Mlle for the unmarried, and Mme for the married. It works.

LeQueen · 02/02/2011 10:23

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MarshaBrady · 02/02/2011 10:24

yes and the wider context is that female titles are determined by their marital status, and male ones are not.

Husband / wife terms which imply equality.

Again I loved being young and single, and now like being married.

ThePosieParker · 02/02/2011 10:25

scottishmummy, it's reserved only for you as your posts are often in a ranting, sniping style...reminds me of a drunken ranting sniping idiot in a pub. More often than not the only coherent part of your post is the nasty little dig, the rest seems to be half sentences of nonsense.

TandB · 02/02/2011 10:27

Slug - I would have liked to see that conversation in the bank!

I may not have been clear. I wasn't suggesting that Miss is some kind of national default - I am a lawyer and we are all addressed as Miss so in my field it is the default. It also happens that I don't know anyone who insists on Ms. I therefore disagree with the assertion that Ms is used by people who want to hide their marital status. There are many reasons why people might use it and embarrassment is pretty low down that list I think!

LeQueen · 02/02/2011 10:28

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuffingGoldBrass · 02/02/2011 10:29

LeQ: Because I know perfectly well that I dislike couplehood. I have had monogamous relationships in the past and not liked it much; having a BF stay more than a couple of nights in my place, or staying for more than a couple of nights at theirs, drove me nuts. I like a lot of time by myself.
And I don't see why remaining happily single is any reason to be less (or more) proud than being happily married is.

scottishmummy · 02/02/2011 10:30

Noseyparker could it be you are wee bitty precious and touchy.ok so if you purposefully want to call me something else,to right some aggreived wrong you knock yourself out.perhaps i shall call you noseyparker..jsut for the hell of it

I shall have a strong cuppa tea and snigger at your ire and potentially eleveated bp as you knock yourself out

MamaMary · 02/02/2011 10:30

If someone referred to me as a 'partner' rather than wife, I would be slightly annoyed and I would correct them. Then, if they persisted in calling me partner I would be very annoyed.

However, I don't mind whether I'm Mrs or Ms, or even Miss for that matter... Grin

LeQueen · 02/02/2011 10:32

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 02/02/2011 10:33

im unmarried so partner or bidie-in is appropriate.other euphemisms are bit twee

girlfriend is reserved for under 19
significamt other and all that is icky

MarshaBrady · 02/02/2011 10:33

Partner irritates me too.

So definitely prefer wife.

Mrs ach same name as mil.

'Thanks Miss' was quite nice the other day, better than madam.

ThePosieParker · 02/02/2011 10:34

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Message deleted by Mumsnet.

gorionine · 02/02/2011 10:37

I am curious, all the people who say "why are you proud of being married? it does not take any skill to be married" could they tell me what special skill it takes not to be married and be called Ms than one should be prouder of than being called Mrs?

scottishmummy · 02/02/2011 10:37

dearie me,i worry for you.really i do.

zukiecat · 02/02/2011 10:38

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TandB · 02/02/2011 10:39

"bidie-in" - I haven't heard that for years. I might start calling myself that....

scottishmummy · 02/02/2011 10:42

bidie-in is a goodie i use it

ViolaTricolor · 02/02/2011 10:42

It seems to need reiterating that 'Ms' is not a title for the unmarried (c.f. gorion, LeQueen). It is available to all adult women who choose to use it, including those who are married (e.g. LRD).

ViolaTricolor · 02/02/2011 10:42

(i.e., it is not exclusively for the umarried.)