To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

[WriterofDreams]

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

Ah...are you proud of being a mum?...a insert job here?...a person who can tie a knot in a cherry stem with their tongue?..a person who can fanny fart the national anthem?....no one and nothing offends my sensibilities...if it makes you proud good for you!

bet big haired batterer is so proud of her achievements
em......
big hair
convicted crim
chancing her arm at singing
nations sweetheart

bet she cannae fanny fart the national anthem rhough,probably had her foof sewen up and filled with pot pourri

... bad woman! ..I think she sprays it with frebreze

Have just read a few posts here, but you might be interested to learn that a recent study reported in the Grauniad showed that co-habiting couples have a hugely higher rate of splitting than married couples. I think it also said that married couples are more likely to work at the relationship when things go bad...or maybe that was another book I read.

Anyway I've long pondered this question of why couples split up. Several relationship counsellor friends have told me that the vast majority of couples they've seen who ultimately split actually had huge potential if only they'd worked harder at fixing things together. I find that incredibly sad - especially when I think of two sets of friends to whom this currently applies. I tend to think that the problem with relationship commitment is largely that we relate badly and aren't able/ prepared/ willing to put in the hard graft that successful relationships require.

cole is a better surname...lets be honest

im keeping a list of saying i like and steal

fanny fart the national anthem
bonkers as conkers

im unashamedly gonnae steal dem

LeQ, Crowded House Fall at your Feet is one of my all time favourites!

Have granted absolution re: soft rock.

Brian is funny as feck though, honest.

Off to get Woodface on Youtube...

And the best thing about air guitaring and head banging on your wedding day is that your (well my) hair is so solid with ellnett that i literally didnt turn a hair!

Speedy: The reason a lot of relationships split up is that women no longer need to be economically dependent on men. This is a good thing. 'Working' on a relationship is all too often a euphemism for women learning to eat shit and know their place because the alternative was social shame and destitution.

Not true, SGB. I was actually thinking of the men I know who bury their heads in the sand when their female partners beg them to collaborate on fixing their relationships. From what I hear this is a pretty common male response.

Think your theory needs tweaking.

When we got married I earnt a shedload more than DH. Things have equalled out and now I am financially dependant on DH, though he is equally as dependant on me.

So, no dice there SGB.

To answer op this time, I think 'proud' is a concerning term for wanting to use 'mrs'. Mainly for the fact that as women, grown women, we seek pride in our salutation as it makes our marital status apparent, unlike our husbands. We can tell the world about our commitment with rings but it shouldn't be so imbalanced. I believe in marriage and subscribe to many of Harry Benson's opinions that marriage shows more commitment from men. But in a truly equal society we would not be expected to reveal our marital status or use 'Ms' as a protest, we would have a single term just like men.

dont need my marital stsus to be apparent.i have other attributes such as career to be demonstrable and proud of rather than being wee wifey waiting for recognition and salutation for status of being mrs

vicarious pride being associated with someone else as wife role,is that all women should aspire to?

dont think marriage necessarily=commitment.as the divorce rate and endless mn posts about dh behaviours and attitudes attest

this halcyon notion of rings and marriage as panacea for women is unrealistic

scotmum (howdy! ), I'm not sure if you were responding to my first post when you wrote about commitment, divorce, halcyon days, etc. But if you were, you've misunderstood my post as I was definitely not writing about marriage only, and definitely not writing about relationships as being anything but bloody challenging (but ultimately fulfilling).

To those who've said they think the OP shouldn't be "proud" of being married, I find that an odd response. It's not something I've ever thought about before (i.e. the pride element) but now that it's been raised, the anti-pride responses come across as an anti-marriage backlash, actually.

I don't see why the OP shouldn't be proud of being married, proud of being a mother, proud of being whatever her job title is, proud of...well, proud of anything in her life that pleases her and makes her feel fulfilled. She's clearly happily married, otherwise she would possibly be substituting "sick" for "proud". So why on earth shouldn't someone be proud of that? It doesn't mean that she's gloating, simply that she feels a sense of contentment, happiness and achievement about it. Why not?

was answering Nosey Parker.have no issue with marriage but it doesnt deserve an applause or societal pride

individually one may feel or derive pride from it,just as one can be unmarried and satisfied

Ah, fair enough. And I agree re unmarried and satisfied. I would also go so far as to say that everyone should (and needs to) feel pride in themselves, whatever their life situation/ status/ whatever the hell else.

As I write that I am thinking of someone I know who is single, with no chance of ever having kids and deeply unhappy about just about every aspect of her life - lots of big unfulfilled dreams. She is pretty miserable, and goes around inadvertently hurting people she loves quite a bit, to make herself feel better. Which is a shame for many reasons, including the fact that without all the crap she's actually very lovely. A good dose of self-pride would go a long way.

self worth & self efficacy maintain one's feelgood.but the rub is that isnt a prescriptive list

mum
wife
career
sahm
... these don't necessarily make anyone happy

we all get dealt a card,and live with it.within individual parameters

Surely it's about one's expectations and how one contributes to their roles in life that makes them happy. So if your dream has always been

(a) to be happily married with a good career, then you end up happily married with a frustrating career but you're working hard at improving it, you'll be happier than:

(b) happily married with a frustrating career and you kick the shit out of yourself and everyone you work with.

Ach, that's such a truism. Ignore my post.

Haven't read all of this (don't have time) but FFS OP get a grip!

Who cares whether a piece of junk mail says Ms or Mrs. What difference does it make.

My name is Alexandra but I am forever getting mail addressed to Mr Alexander....

Getting one's name and gender completely worng is more annoying than someone not acknowledging your oh so sacred marriage. I don't care about it, I'm used to it.

Speedy - the OP should be proud to be a mum, proud to be in a happy, stable relationship. These are good things and worthy of some pride, even though they are nothing special in themselves - most people are parents and lots of people are in happy relationships.

But being married? Meh. It's just a legal contract. In and of itself, it doesn't mean there will be happiness, loyalty or love. Those are things you bring yourselves - the marriage vows don't magically make them happen.