To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

[WriterofDreams]

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

I had to call Barckleys recently and ask them for the 50th to send a cheque book with Mr and Mrs on it, rather than Mr and Miss(maden name). I felt that after 10 years of marriage, my bank should finally allow me to be married ...I am now a proud owner of Mr and Mrs chequebook.

Just come back to see if the debate has got anywhere and it hasn't.

I now get it. Women were first oppressed by men, forced to use Miss/Mrs but now we are oppressed by 'feminists' saying that I have to use 'Ms' and that I am damaging gender equality by referring to myself as 'Mrs'. WTF?

Seriously, I have never considered myself oppressed, and certainly not by my DH. The year I gained my professional qualification I was the only woman to go in to my field. I'm no down trodden pushover who finds her self worth in the man she married. I've worked hard to get to where I am, worked harder actually to compete with the men in the field who are not used to a woman being in their work place. Turning up and holding my own in a completely male environment and being (pretty fucking) good at it will have done more for gender equality than a load of women fussing over what title other women refer to themselves as.

I prefer 'Mrs' and that is what I will continue to refer to myself as.

Is it like Top Trumps?

Dh is a Dr/Prof (depending on his mood). We get 'Prof and Mrs Wincies' on some letter/cards, so do I get extra points by default .

Brian, you are terrible, Muriel!

Look, get married, don't get married. Be a Mrs, a Ms or a Poweranger, it is noone else's business.

Yes, people who insist on being called Dr. outside the context in which it matters, ie at work are making too much of their qualifications.

Women who insist on being called Mrs. outside of a family context are making too much of their marital status.

I am married. Being married is important to me. I don't think it's the same as being an unmarried partnership, and I don't think it should be sneered at.

But neither do I want to wear my marital status as a badge of honour in my professional life, any more than I would be lame enough to want everyone to call me Dr should I get a PhD. I don't know anyone who does that, it's weird and a bit sad.

I didn't change my name when I got married, I have used Ms since I was 12 like fr, but when people call me Mrs DH I don't get all huffy about it because being a feminist is a big part of my identity.

I just think "oh well, that's understandable" and get on with things, because being offended by things that don't matter and where no offence is meant is just being a twat.

Unless being a twat is a central part of how you want others to see you, maybe chill out on the "I'm so proud to be married and my husband is so proud of his qualifications"

I haven't read the whole thread, but surely a husband or wife is a partner? Surely a marriage is a partnership?

I don't see why being referred to as a partner is any way offensive whether married or not.

Naa, she protests too much. Line a twelve year old with a crush. She luuuuuurves you.

Oh you didn't look like his Mom, LeQ!

I knew you'd have had a decent drink, just knew.

If only I could forgive the penchant for 1980/90s soft rock

You know the thing that realy irritates me is going to the doctors. At the doctors there is a refusal to address any patient with a title yet every receptionist refers to doctor so and so. Conversations go like this "washher name" "it's Mrs DH" "washer first name" "I beg your pardon I didn't quite hear - PLEASE could you repeat that" "washer name" "oh do you need my christian name?" Yeh yer fursname" "it's Cressida" "Cressida DH, room 4 for Doctor so and so", "I beg your pardon, I didn't quite catch the doctor's name" "Iss Doctor so and so" "then I think it's Mrs DH please". Enter doctor's room and usually "hello Mrs DH, what can I do for you today". Or if it's one with DC at the same school with whom there is an existing non professional relationship "hello Cressida how are you - well generally very well Caroline but".

I'm not the doctor's subordinate and I don't expect to be addressed without a title when the doctor is given one and expects one in return. When doctors introduce themselves as Fred or Caroline and that is how their staff address them then the practice community is welcome to call me Cressida.

I think Caroline is a lovely name.

So did my Mum

I may forgive you, LeQ, what was your first dance to????

I wasn't trying to be funny its just the two people in the picture looked different ages. I'll be quiet now, sorry

that is better. it was the hair i think.

my mother was once invited to a Masons do by 'The Grand High Wizard ....and Barbara' now that WINS title top trumps surely!

i dont consider marriage an achievement is a personal arrangement made between adults,isnt noteworthy nor should it command a certain sstus

if it really matters to the individual,fair enough.but dont expect others to care about it

i am unmarried and have no desire to be wee wifey,have never wanted to be married either