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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be proud of being and wife and to want to be acknowledged as such?

945 replies

WriterofDreams · 01/02/2011 12:41

I've read quite a few posts on MN from people who are annoyed, and quite rightly so, at being called "Mrs" when they're actually a Ms or Dr or some other title. I've actually found I have the opposite problem, where companies send me correspondence with the title "Ms" even though I put Mrs on any forms or letters I send. It also quite annoys me when I introduce my DH as my husband and people persist in calling him my partner. I chose to get married and being a wife is an important part of my identity that I would like to have acknowledged. I like being "Mrs DH's name" although I do draw the line at being called "Mrs Dh's first name Dh's second name," as I haven't actually changed my first name at all.

AIBU to expect companies and professionals to use the title I've actually selected rather than the PC catch-all one?

OP posts:
Hullygully · 01/02/2011 15:10

That must have been some hot sex last night, WoD...

NikonNelly · 01/02/2011 15:10

"So, if there is no detailed information, the obvious terms to use are "Partner" and "Ms". To be changed when more details are acquired"

Absolutely, but often, when more details are acquired people still use 'Ms' and 'partner'.

scaryteacher · 01/02/2011 15:11

I can't bear Ms. I answer to Mrs Scary, Mrs S, or Miss (if in a classroom).

My maiden name was horrible, so I prefer being Mrs...and after almost 25 years I can't imagine being anything else.

ViolaTricolor · 01/02/2011 15:11

I just have no idea why anyone would think their marital status was relevant in 99% of situations. Men somehow struggle on.

swanandduck · 01/02/2011 15:11

Writer

What do you mean, not many people achieve a loving relationship like you have???

What a ridiculous post.

swanandduck · 01/02/2011 15:13

scary

But you can be Ms 'married name'.

AnnieLobeseder · 01/02/2011 15:13

scaryteacher - I had an awful maiden name too, and was very pleased to be rid of it, but I'm Ms DHsName. It's very doable.

NikonNelly · 01/02/2011 15:13

Right, I think I'm off now.

I think I need to see that others won't accept my choice to known as 'Mrs' even though I accept their choice to be known as 'Ms'.

DilysPrice · 01/02/2011 15:15

I am proud (on his good days Grin) that my husband is my partner in life, and parenting. Why on earth would I mind if someone calls him my partner? That's what he is. Genuinely baffled here.

Hullygully · 01/02/2011 15:15

Look, WoD is just all loved up and full of drugs. It's nice, bless her.

QuickLookBusy · 01/02/2011 15:15

I don't think that is quite true swan.

The marital status of men is often commented on-look at Ed Milliband.

StayFrosty · 01/02/2011 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
WriterofDreams · 01/02/2011 15:16

Swanandduck, could you explain how what I said puts me above other people? Surely I can be proud of what I have without it reflecting on others? Where does the attitude come from that if I'm proud of something that I'm somehow judging others who don't have that thing??

OP posts:
Original poster
WriterofDreams · 01/02/2011 15:17

Sleep deprivation Hullygully. Cheap and nasty and very effective.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 01/02/2011 15:18

Writer, I think in the interests of us understanding your point, you are going to have to explain why your dh is so fab and what makes you so proud that he chose you.

Hullygully · 01/02/2011 15:18

Sleep-deprivation. That'll be the hot sex then.

QuickLookBusy · 01/02/2011 15:20

Good point Nikon

It is ok for a Ms to get annoyed if she is called a Mrs.

But if a Mrs wants people to use her name, she is an under achiever with soft toys on her bedHmm

Original poster
WriterofDreams · 01/02/2011 15:21

I wish Hullygully. DS slept like an angel last night and I stared at him, wide awake, like a crazed loon. For three hours. That explains a lot doesn't it?

I'm not sure if you're serious about wanting info on DH, but in case you are, he's kind, intelligent, very good looking, sexy, caring, affectionate, a great dad, HOT in bed (as you suspected) and just lovely. Dead funny too.

OP posts:
swanandduck · 01/02/2011 15:21

Writer

You said that maintaining a happy relationship is harder than getting qualifications or a great job (therefore putting yourself above people who are not in a long term relationship, regardless of their other achievements) and also that very few people have as happy a relationship as your's.

Can you explain to me how you aren't putting yourself above other people?

GMajor7 · 01/02/2011 15:22
Envy

I've been in a relationship with DP for 17 years.

...not even a sniff of confetti.

swanandduck · 01/02/2011 15:22

QuickLook

I think you meant to answer another poster???

Hullygully · 01/02/2011 15:22

Ahhh. See, that's lovely, that is.

Maybe you should have just said (a la Le Q and Mal) "I bloody love my fantastic husband" and left it at that...

greatauntbetty · 01/02/2011 15:23

Thanks for that swan.

I had stuck with Miss because for me that gives no reference on how I live my life - I am married, but basically because it was the only way for us to give financial security to our kids, but I don't see why being married should brand me in any way.

I had thought Ms came about to avoid the Mrs bit and for divorcees? Hadn't realised that it is considered dis-empowering to retain the Miss past 18! Am actually quite surprised by that. For me (perhaps naively?) it felt more empowering to retain my original name rather than feel forced into changing it.

hogsback · 01/02/2011 15:23

I wonder if men ever have this discussion?

Oh, wait....

swanandduck · 01/02/2011 15:23

And don't forget to mention your husband doesn't watch X factor. That's a big plus.