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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to move our family to 'the Country?'

118 replies

MosEisley · 31/01/2011 22:48

DH and I dream of leaving the London suburbs and shipping out to ?the Country?. We want to be able to afford a house with views of fields, spend more time together (perhaps running our own business) and with our 3 little children.

This would involve moving jobs, schools, houses and leaving our friends here ? so a big undertaking, and plenty of disruption for all of us.

Is it possible to do all this and have the life we dream of, or have we just been watching too much Channel 4?

Have any of you actually done this move (city to rural area) and did it work out as you planned / imagined?

Where did you move to? We are thinking of Norfolk, to be near family.

I have posted this here partly because I can?t find a suitable board, and partly because I know I will get a good telling off if IABU. I am not new, btw, but name changing as symbolic of new start!

Thanks!

OP posts:

Al1son · 31/01/2011 23:34

We moved from Birmingham to rural Worcestershire 10 years ago with 2 year old DD1. We've seen a stark difference between the culture our children are experiencing in a village school and that our B'ham friends' children are immersed in. That and many other little niceties like being able to walk straight out onto country lanes, no fireworks going off except on bonfire night, being able to see the stars, etc have made us realise it was the best move we ever made.

I still feel like I'm on holiday sometimes when I wake up in the morning and open the bedroom window.

Do it. You won't regret it.

tabulahrasa · 01/02/2011 00:01

depends whether you mean the proper country where kids in school won't talk to yours until they lose their accents because they're incomers and people start drinking at 13 because there's nothing else to do... or just outside the city country where you can still shop at waitrose and drive to the cinema

bubblewrapped · 01/02/2011 00:05

City kids are just as nasty if not worse than country kids in my experience.

Not everyone in the country starts drinking at 13 either...

My husbands best mate moved from London to Cornwall with his wife and two children, then aged 3 and 6.. they have been there nearly ten years now and would never return to a city area. They love the less stressful life, the kids have made new friends and have busy lives riding horses, going to the beach, and the eldest isnt an alcoholic at 15 either..

youngjoly · 01/02/2011 00:54

We have recently moved from the suburbs of a large town to a large village 10 miles away. We did it for the children, and it was the best thing we ever did.

I love the fact that here my children can go out and play in the street, or go to the swings and she has friends that call for her all the time.

Already, they have made great friends, settled really well and both girls say they would never move back, despite the new house being considerably smaller (and more expensive) than the old one.

We also love the fact that once we hit the countryside, we see the stars at night, we have sheep in the green opposite our road, and in the summer my girls love going for walks down by the river.

The only thing I would say is to look ahead to when they are teens. In our village there are loads of things for children / teenagers to do - for that reason I probably wouldn't go to a really small village as whilst it is lovely when they are little I think it is harder when they get older. A larger village is a nice compromise I feel.

LaWeaselMys · 01/02/2011 00:58

Youngjoly speaks sense.

There are many MNers who escaped from the country after being unbelievably bloody bored as teenagers.

Also consider the fact that you will drive a lot in the country much more than you do now, and walk much less.

Original poster

MosEisley · 01/02/2011 10:19

Thanks all - some things to think about there.

I am pleased to see some positive comments & encouragement. Yes, being able to walk out onto country lanes and see the stars is exactly the sort of thing we would be moving for. We want our children to have outside space and fresh air, see that meat comes from animals, not a supermarket pack. I grew up in a very rural setting (but only about 15 miles from the city) and spent alot of time outside, skipping round in my wellies, pretending to be a princess. I suppose I want my kids to have a bit of that innocence.

But I also see that being remote is not always idyllic for the parents - e.g. the points made about driving everywhere - we don't want to become a taxi service for bored teenagers. So I guess a large village or the edge of a small town (with a bus service to the city) is what we're looking for. We've looked at Wymondham - a little town outside Norwich - which has 2 secondary schools, so hopefully also therefore activities for kids that age.

Did any of you change jobs / careers when you moved? We would almost certainly have to - and would earn less as a result.

Anything else I need to consider?!

OP posts:

kenobi · 01/02/2011 10:38

Choose your location wisely. I grew up 7 miles from the nearest village. My brother and I were so bored as teenagers we virtually considered incest.

It was brilliant til then though - in the holidays we'd leave the house at 8am, return for meals then come home to tv sups and bed at 6pm.

Also be aware that unemployment is huge in some rural areas - it's bloody hard to get a well-paid job in Devon, Cornwall, North Wales etc etc (not dissing these places). Or even a job at all sometimes.

Jux · 01/02/2011 10:53

We did it 5 years ago. To be honest, I'm bored shitless. The only things to do here are go to the pub, get pissed, have a massive argument with someone, take drugs, go to the pub, get pissed. That's what everyone here seems to do, anything for a bit of drama in our otherwise dreary lives. DH is quite happy. I'm occupying myself with an OU course and MN, as I don't like the other options.

I'd like to move back to London as I have nothing to do here at all. There are no jobs either.

Move to a smaller city.

KnittedBreast · 01/02/2011 10:58

you must be joking. i wouldnt move to the country all the kids are taking ketamine at age 13 because there is nothing else to do there.

Jux · 01/02/2011 10:59

If there are any buses they're expensive. Trains are more expensive. I tried to join a choir in a neighbouring village but the bus ran once a day at midday. Not much good when the practice was from 7 until 9. I could have sat in the village pub all afternoon on Monday, gone to rehearsal, camped in a field overnight and caught the bus back in the morning, but the choir wasn't even that good (was crap in fact, but the best on offer round here).

There is a nightclub in our (small) town - apart from the 7 pubs - so you can vary your routine on a Friday and Saturday by getting pissed and having a fight there instead.

wymteacher · 01/02/2011 11:03

I teach at one of those 2 schools (have namechanged obviously)
PM me if you want to know anythin specific

Wymondham is very accessible by train and bus, so you're not stuck with having to drive everywhere...

both schools are good, and Norwich is a great town to grow up in/ near IMO

BuntingHill · 01/02/2011 11:07

The country is full of dreadful townies these days - I should stay where you are!

You won't like it anyway and you'll moan about the pub, the school, the nearest town, the lack of public transport. And you'll wonder why everyone doesn't immediately want to be your friend at the school gates. You'll try desperately to fit in and join the parish council/church flowers rota/village hall commitee BUT we'll still call you a DFL behind your back - we're just like that!

Stay in London - best place for you!

spooktrain · 01/02/2011 11:08

Depends on the definition of country really.
We moved out of the centre of a big city (only 15 miles out though) to a little village which gives me and the kids enough fields, fresh air, dog walking action, but is still close enough to go the city whenever we fancy (which we don't actually). I'm hoping the teen years won't be too dire for them, we are on a public transport route into the big smoke (where they will probably go to secondary) and will have all their school friends from the village still here (at present they are 8 and 6 so still very much enjoying the country vibe). I was like another poster who felt like she was on holiday for the first year or so :-)

I grew up in a small village in the north of scotland and to be honest don't remember the teen years being too dire - I had friends in the village within walking distance, and there were various parents who grudgingly accompanied us to discos etc

I did leave to go to uni when I was 17 so that probably helped though...

Merrylegs · 01/02/2011 11:10

I think even if you are in the city you become a taxi service for your kids, don't you? Unless they go to school, clubs, parties, hobbies within a mile radius, you are still either ferrying them or walking them around.

And really, unless you live in the Outer Hebrides nowhere is really isolated is it?

I am in South Norfolk in the middle of a field. My village, such as it is, isn't even on the map, and yet I am in Norwich in 15 minutes - car or bus. My teens love it here and are not yet ketamine users.

Wymondham is a market town - it's just off the A11 and there are some built up areas and new estates, so if it's true rural you want I would look at the surrounding villages. Both high schools are excellent. Wym High is right in the city, next to the leisure centre. Wym college, where everyone wants to go, is not in the city at all and is a pain to get to but there would be a school bus service.

And if it's animals you want there is the Norfolk show every June - the highlight of the farming calender!

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 01/02/2011 11:11

Cities are great, the country is rubbish.

End of.

MissAnglia · 01/02/2011 11:13

Hi - we live in Norfolk, just north of Norwich. I think it really does depend which part of the county you choose. We live in a village which has a shop, school, pubs, restaurant, community centre and most important for 14 yr old DD, a good bus service. I think a bus or train service within walking distance is a must as they children can get themselves around as they get older. We have looked at moving to the Wymondham area and I think if you lived within walking distance of the town you'd be fine, as it has most things you neeed including a leisure centre, but you're also on the train route to norwich if necessary. Would also recommend Aylsham for much the same reasons (also has a good high school).

Original poster

MosEisley · 01/02/2011 11:13

These are the downsides that you don't hear about. Kirsty & Phil etc don't focus on the drugged up teenagers much. Or the expensive daily buses. Or crap choirs.

Jux, I want to know where you live so I don't move there - you've convinced me not to!

Wymteacher, thanks for your offer, will def. pm you. Glad you are positive seeing as that is the area we've identified so far.

OP posts:

frostyfingers · 01/02/2011 11:14

The country is great, cities are rubbish. End of!!!!

BuntingHill · 01/02/2011 11:15

Oh - I thought you meant you were moving to the REAL country!

ILikeMilk · 01/02/2011 11:15

Agree with Coalition. Moved to Cheshire (South Manchester) from London and regret it every single day. Stay in London, it will be so hard to get back there if you dont like the country anymore.

tomatoplantproject · 01/02/2011 11:15

Just think about your kids when they are a bit older - I hated living miles from anywhere and was a very lonely teenager, and at the time I was pretty resentful of my parents for putting me in that position through no choice of my own.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 01/02/2011 11:16

We holiday every year in that part of Norfolk, lovely area, fab campsite just outside of Narborough. Great days out at the dinosaur park and Bewilderwood for DC's, and of course the beaches. Wells next the sea for a bit of high class paddling (Jasper, don't jump off that sand dune darling, you'll hurt your little spine, was heard last year.) Or sunny Hunny for the best fish and chips around and funfair, crazygolf etc. Everyone needs a little chavtastic fun every now and again.
We moved from a med town at one end of our (big) county to a small village at the other. Best decision we've evert made. Better schools, less crime, hostile teenagers etc.
It's not perfect here, but then I don't think anywhere is, but we're happy and the DC's are doing well.

BuntingHill · 01/02/2011 11:16

If there is more than one bus a week you are not in the country - you're in a suburb.

NinkyNonker · 01/02/2011 11:18

We live in a small coastal town at the mo, but will move more rurally in about 5 yrs. We both grew up in quiet places, dh in the new forest and me in a small fishing village. (Well, Whitstable...not small/quiet now!)

Chandon · 01/02/2011 11:19

please please please read "Wife in the North", it is funny and will take you through all the ups and down of just one such move!!!

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