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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to move our family to 'the Country?'

118 replies

MosEisley · 31/01/2011 22:48

DH and I dream of leaving the London suburbs and shipping out to ?the Country?. We want to be able to afford a house with views of fields, spend more time together (perhaps running our own business) and with our 3 little children.

This would involve moving jobs, schools, houses and leaving our friends here ? so a big undertaking, and plenty of disruption for all of us.

Is it possible to do all this and have the life we dream of, or have we just been watching too much Channel 4?

Have any of you actually done this move (city to rural area) and did it work out as you planned / imagined?

Where did you move to? We are thinking of Norfolk, to be near family.

I have posted this here partly because I can?t find a suitable board, and partly because I know I will get a good telling off if IABU. I am not new, btw, but name changing as symbolic of new start!

Thanks!

OP posts:
hatwoman · 01/02/2011 13:15

ILoveMilk - I remember your thread...aren't you in a small town? some distance from Manchester? tbh small towns are my nightmare - many (but not all) have the worst of both worlds...they can lack the beauty and community of a rural village and the spark of a city. A rural village close to a city suits me well.

"driving for 30 mins and then ending up in Sheffield would be one of my worst nightmares. But I love my frappuchinos and shopping for tat, as well as bookshops, galleries, theatre and good restaurants, so it would be a scary prospect" Have you been to Sheffield? It has all that.

hatwoman · 01/02/2011 13:17

LaWeasel - I agree - and I didn't apply it to teenagers.

ILikeMilk · 01/02/2011 13:23

Hatwoman, I live in Hale. Would not call Sheffield a culture hot spot, sorry.

wahwah1270 · 01/02/2011 13:23

When I was pregnant with DD we moved from London to a village an hour away. I thought it was the done thing to do because that's what my parents did. But a year of lack of shops, nosey neighbours and a sense of feeling cut of l meant that 15 months after we moved out we moved back to
London because I pinned so much for the City where I'd spent my whole adult life, where I feel at home, and where there is a whole heap of stuff to do with a baby vs one baby group a week ....dont do it!!!

CMOTdibbler · 01/02/2011 13:37

I grew up in a small market town. It was grim as a teenager as there was nowhere to go unless you were sporty (but no leisure centre). And everyone knew your parents - so you would be spotted at the family planning clinic/buying condoms/trying to buy alcohol. If you wanted to go to a club, it was 5 miles away, and usually involved walking along the river to get home

We now live in a smaller rural town, but at least here there is a good youth club (with proper workers who have access to counselling/free condoms etc), the community cinema actually shows popular films, and a range of clubs.

The success of moving to 'the country' is in embracing what you find there. Don't moan about no Starbucks, enjoy your local cafe where they serve coffee with one jug of filter, and one of hot milk. Don't tell everyone how you love to make jam from blackberries picked from the hedges, just get on with it while realising that the 90 year old may have made 7 gallons of it before breakfast.

daytoday · 01/02/2011 13:56

I grew up in central-ish London. When I was young (80's), there was also nothing to do as a teenager - because you needed money. Our pocket money didn't stretch too far - especially once we'd blown it one fags, sweets and cider. We were bored. Everyone drank. Lots of drugs and incredibly easy access to them. A great deal of violence too. Especially when young boys start going out to pubs etc. They are playing with the big league. My brothers were both beaten up by random strangers, picking fights. My parents were worried and were a taxi service - especially when we started going out at night. A london childhood has its own challenges especially when children are in the 14-17 bracket.

Times have changed for the better. There are so many more activities for children now - both in town and out

I actually think teenage years are pretty shit wherever you are. Its a right of passage that you are bored - you can't wait to leave home, you don't have any money and your parents embarrass you. Then you move out and your life starts.

Original poster
MosEisley · 01/02/2011 13:58

Still reading but DC2 & 3 are awake / around now so need to be with them. Will reply later.

Hatwoman you have made me all nostalgic for the Peak District!

OP posts:
jamfran · 01/02/2011 14:22

Hatwoman - my dc go to a lovely village school in the peak district. In the summer we love going to Chatsworth playground after school or feeding the ducks in Bakewell.

Beautiful area, but within reach of Sheffield, Manchester and Derby if you want a city.

Goldberry · 01/02/2011 15:11

Kenobi - well yes, but I don't live in Oxford itself. I live in a village with, you know, fields and stuff around Grin. It's not exactly remote, but then it doesn't sound as though the OP's idea of moving to the country is exactly rural either if she's looking at'a little town outside Norwich'.

Ormirian · 01/02/2011 15:28

"Tough titty for a lot of people, now and in the future."

Agreed. It's not a question of nimbyism. I don't live in rolling countryside but quite nearby and it's a resource and a joy for many people not just for those who live there.

kenobi · 01/02/2011 16:16

Ah sorry Goldberry, I got the impression you were inside the city limits!

Original poster
MosEisley · 01/02/2011 16:44

Goldberry, from your first post, sounds like where you live has the exact level of rural-ness (or not) that we're looking for. I.e. in a village with open fields around it, yet near a town / city.

It seems like 'the country' compared to where we live now on the edge of London, but having lived in a much more remote spot as a child, I can understand that to people who live in REAL country (to quote BuntingHill Grin), Wymondham & nearby villages are positively built up.

It is all relative.

Thanks all for contributing to the debate because there are a lot of pros and cons to consider and I will have lots of things to discuss now with DH.

btw, kenobi, my cantina is in a right mess, because I have been spending all spare moments (when children are calm) on MN, instead of clearing it up. Am expecting a motley bunch of aliens for tea so will shortly be off to tidy it up!

OP posts:
kenobi · 01/02/2011 17:05
Grin
austenreader · 01/02/2011 17:14

This was hatwoman-
'just felt the need to mention that have 2 waitrose - both 25 mintues drive away. Is that scary as well?

and we have a good village shop, two cafes, a gift shop, a garden centre, an outdoor shop, an art gallery, 3 pubs, 3 churches (now that is scary), a reliable garage, a tailor (I have short legs, tailors are important to me) and a (heinously expensive)petrol station.'

I reckon I'm about 5 miles away from you!
The tailor is the clue.

I've lived around here for 30 years now having previously lived in cities. I heave a sign of relief everytime we come home and see the valley spread out in front.
It's not all roses. I often wish I could get to a theatre more often. My DD's best friend lived 22 miles away in the same catchment area. And there are too many tourists!

But when it snowed we all helped each other out. There's no traffic noise. The schools are mainly good, particularly the secondary school. I can get to Manchester or Sheffield in 40 mins. The local shops are good and there are two decent market towns 15 mins away. It is absolutely stunningly beautiful.

Rent first before you commit.

hatwoman · 01/02/2011 17:17

there's a few of us around.

hatwoman · 01/02/2011 17:18

but yes - the description of the village is quite comprehensive to anyone who knows the area

JiminyCricket · 01/02/2011 17:26

I had an idyllic country farm upbringing, and I don't regret it but would never move to the country myself now ..my parents were great and drove me everywhere, but I had v little access to kids my own age. I love countryside but also love living a stroll away from a high street, cafes, park and a bus ride to two big cities for when kids are older. This can definitely be managed by where you move to rather than not doing it. Also, some friends started their kids in a lovely small village primary...and then it dawned on them the school wasn't big enough for the kids to have a football/cricket etc etc team and a limited pool of friends their own age and moved them to a bigger school. All stuff to put into the mix. Whatever you do, see the positives and make the most of them.

skybluepearl · 01/02/2011 17:46

we moved from a very flat and busy large town to a bumpy part of gloucestershire a few years ago. we now live semi ruraly in a great community one mile outside a very very small but active town of 8000. great cafes, schools, friends, community and sporting life. the best move we ever made and i'd hate to leave. if we ever need a city fix - theres Bath, Bristol and Cheltenham 40 mins away.

skybluepearl · 01/02/2011 17:48

ps. we also have a waitrose, sainsburys 10/15 mins away with smaller express shops close by.

pointylug · 01/02/2011 17:53

sound slike you mena the Cuntry

hatwoman · 01/02/2011 19:00

austenreader "when it snowed we all helped each other out". I have NEVER seen as much snow in the UK as we had round here in December. I have a lovely picture of a big group of us ski-ing and sledging...which was followed by mulled wine and then pub lunch. it was brilliant!

Original poster
MosEisley · 01/02/2011 19:23

Thanks austenreader for pointing out that the tailor is the clue... I know where hatwoman lives now. My grandfather is buried there, and there is a memorial to my Granny, too. My aunt was married in one of the three churches, and I was a member of the local riding club for about six years. In fact I reckon I've visited most of the establishments listed. That outdoor shop is one of my favourite places... I can smell it now! [daft nostalgia emoticon]

OP posts:
Original poster
MosEisley · 01/02/2011 19:24

ooh, skyblue, I'll have to tell my friend about your post in particular as she is thinking of moving back 'home' to Gloucestershire.

OP posts:
austenreader · 01/02/2011 23:54

We had communal bacon sandwiches and snow clearing sessions!

goingmadinthecountry · 02/02/2011 06:33

When our children were small it was great, though I have taken years and years to settle. Now that I have 3 teenagers plus a younger one, driving round and round is my main evening activity - we're nearly 2 miles from the bus stop. Luckily there's a fast train to culture London but the station's a good 20 mins plus parking time away. Good local village school is 4 miles away. Bought a new car in the middle of December for runaround trips and have so far done over 3000 miles! Girls' sec school is 10 miles away and any after school activities mean I need to pick up or they need to wait till 6pm for the only/last bus. Sometimes it's lovely though.

Buy a decent coffee machine and make sure you're on a bus route!