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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to move our family to 'the Country?'

118 replies

MosEisley · 31/01/2011 22:48

DH and I dream of leaving the London suburbs and shipping out to ?the Country?. We want to be able to afford a house with views of fields, spend more time together (perhaps running our own business) and with our 3 little children.

This would involve moving jobs, schools, houses and leaving our friends here ? so a big undertaking, and plenty of disruption for all of us.

Is it possible to do all this and have the life we dream of, or have we just been watching too much Channel 4?

Have any of you actually done this move (city to rural area) and did it work out as you planned / imagined?

Where did you move to? We are thinking of Norfolk, to be near family.

I have posted this here partly because I can?t find a suitable board, and partly because I know I will get a good telling off if IABU. I am not new, btw, but name changing as symbolic of new start!

Thanks!

OP posts:

kepler10b · 01/02/2011 11:55

as someone who moved to the rural countryside from a lively surrey town at the age of 10 i'd say be very sure what you are moving to. i felt like a fish out of water and was teased relentlessly - missed the academic education of my old schools and didn't have any friends my age to play with nearby.

rural areas can be very isolating for children (and adults). what transport links will there be for the children to see their friends after school / do activities etc? what sort of community exists and will it offer you what you want?

however my sister as second generation countryside married to a many generation local now has a lovely village life.

farmland can be unpleasant / dangerous / full of pesticides / cash crops so consider what the local land is actually used for and the attitude of landowners.

however if you have a community you feel part of and plenty of work it can be lovely.

BuntyPenfold · 01/02/2011 11:55

Yes, done it, would never never go back.
Norfolk is lovely too.

There are some cons - no one delivers a takeaway for example.

No, thats only one con; I can't think of any others.

hatwoman · 01/02/2011 11:55

wonders why being 30 mins drive from JL is scary...

just felt the need to mention that have 2 waitrose - both 25 mintues drive away. Is that scary as well?

and we have a good village shop, two cafes, a gift shop, a garden centre, an outdoor shop, an art gallery, 3 pubs, 3 churches (now that is scary), a reliable garage, a tailor (I have short legs, tailors are important to me) and a (heinously expensive)petrol station.

Decorhate · 01/02/2011 11:56

Another pov - you don't necessarily need to move to the country proper to get the things you want.

I live close to the centre of a large market town, can be on the high street in 10 minutes, loads to do etc, etc. I can also be walking in woods in a matter of minutes & a five minute drive/30 min walk takes me into proper countryside. I could move slightly further out from the centre of this town to have countryside views, etc

Decorhate · 01/02/2011 11:57

Forgot to add, am less than 30 minutes from central London on a train - best of both worlds!

hatwoman · 01/02/2011 11:57

oh come back to the peaks...you know you want to!

missismac · 01/02/2011 11:58

Hmmm, I'm not yet convinced. We live in SE London. Our kids play out on the street, have loads of friends who call for them, cycle to school and around the place, and seem to have as much 'freedom' as those of you living in the country claim as an advantage to your lifestyle.

Merrylegs said: "I think even if you are in the city you become a taxi service for your kids, don't you? Unless they go to school, clubs, parties, hobbies within a mile radius, you are still either ferrying them or walking them around. "

No. Once they get to secondary school this isn't the case. Our teenagers (early teens) get around by bus & train. They know the bus routes into and around the city far better than I do. The many buses run every few minutes or so. I don't recall the last time I had to ferry them anywhere. A lot of their social life is local it's true but that's because there's so much going on for them here they don't need to go further afield unless it's for something exceptional.

We are staying put for now. We plan to move out to a small town/big village once our kids have left school as they would be gutted & furious if we moved earlier. We'd like a bigger garden & some more green space.

But another word of warning - having lived in small villages with children in my early adult life. Stepping out onto lanes is not nice. Lanes don't have paths and folk drive very fast on them. This is why a lot of village Mums with young children find themselves isolated, unless they can drive - they're stuck. And really if you have to drive to get anywhere at all where's the benefit to that lovely 'outdoor life'?

Each to their own, but on balance we think the city is the best place to raise our children.

Original poster

MosEisley · 01/02/2011 11:58

if you love... growing veg, keeping chickens Yes, we do. In fact DH thinks he is Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall and makes cider using apples from the neighbours' gardens, made jam from blackberries we foraged last autumn, bakes his own bread. He traded some cider for two ducks and a pheasant which he then gutted and cooked to show the DC. His colleagues in the accountancy firm where he works think he is nuts.

OP posts:

Original poster

MosEisley · 01/02/2011 12:02

Bunting - what is DFL? Something insulting Londoners I guess? I won't be too insulted as I'm only passing trhough here...

OP posts:

kenobi · 01/02/2011 12:03

Goldberry not to be a smart arse but Oxford is quite a large city. It doesn't really count as moving to the countryside unless countryside means 'Not London'.

MosEisley, how's your cantina these days?

Anyway, just don't move your family to the back of beyond, that's all I ask. Most of Norfolk is incredibly accessible and filled with lovely stuff (I went to a village on the coast the other day and the shops were like Primrose Hill) so that seems like a good plan.

Ah yes, everything closing on a Sunday. That definitely sorted the DFLs from the locals!

BuntingHill · 01/02/2011 12:03

Just make sure you don't win ALL the prizes at the village show ... in ours one paricular lady always wins the coverted Jam Cup!

frostyfingers · 01/02/2011 12:03

Well, if we all liked the country life it would be too full and vice versa so it's just as well we don't!

I think there are plenty of people who move the other way too.

kenobi · 01/02/2011 12:03

Down From London!

BuntingHill · 01/02/2011 12:03

Down From London!

Lonnie · 01/02/2011 12:07

We moved from London Subs to the countryside 3 years ago my children went from going to a school with a intake of 60 kids a year to a school with 103 children in total.

we searched for decent train services as dh still works in London and we are less than 1 hours train ride from London Bridge.

It was a good decision my children have been permitted to be children for longer when I compare them to friends whom are still were we were I know for my kids it was the right choice. Downsides are I have to drive them around alot more and it took me a long time to get used to having to do big shops and it took us a good 6 months to not regularly run out of things (we used to live right by a 24 hour supermarket) this however has also resulted in us eating less take out and less ready meals.

I would say go for it for us it was a great choice.

ILikeMilk · 01/02/2011 12:08

wonders why being 30 mins drive from JL is scary...
Hatwoman, it was a joke. Well, sort of. Just driving for 30 mins and then ending up in Sheffield would be one of my worst nightmares. But I love my frappuchinos and shopping for tat, as well as bookshops, galleries, theatre and good restaurants, so it would be a scary prospect. I live in South of Manchester and hate it as it is too provincial for me, if I was living in the wilderness I would be probably joining the drug-using teenagers... LOL

NoWayNoHow · 01/02/2011 12:14

It's perfectly possible to do this, you just need to plan it well.

We moved from London to rural Kent a year ago, and it was the BEST decision we ever made.

We were in a two bed flat, no garden, DS climbing the walls. Sold it and bought 4 bed house with garden for less money! DH job is good, we are closer to family, only 10mins from sea, and we have made so many friends as everyone in "the country" is so open and friendly and different from London where you don't even know your neighbours after 3 years!

We still see our old friends, and actually probably get better quality time with them because they come to us/we go to them for a weekend, rather than just a couple of drinks of an evening.

Make sure you get jobs and schools sorted first (you can always start your own business once you've moved, but you'll need a steady income to facilitate the move in the first instance). Get your place valued, and work out how much you can afford to spend on a new property bearing in mind the current lending criteria for mortgages.

I would then make a spreadsheet (sounds anal, but it works!) of all the places you're think of moving to, commuting times/costs, Ofsted school ratings, average property prices, etc, etc. Makes it easier to see what you're doing.

Good luck!

munstersmum · 01/02/2011 12:17

Not getting the worse drugs teens thing in the countryside. Need to go see the new crime maps. Is it a rebuttal to the 'cities knife culture'?

We live in small village in sticks up north. Fitting in is easier with kids ...& a dog because you are out walking not in car.

Primary school is in next village. Even in our backwater, kids in DS class have a variety of ethnic backgrounds so cultural diversity. Nearest supermarket 10mins, city 25mins.

Abr1de · 01/02/2011 12:18

I love living in the county. Sadly our paradise is threatened by 5,000 new homes. There is also the menace of encroaching light pollution.

It is still pretty meanwhile. And safe. Our two were playing outside unsupervised from about seven years old.

Just don't listen when people tell you that the UK can easily continue to increase its population as it has been. Not if you want to live anywhere in the south and enjoy rural tranquillity.

NoWayNoHow · 01/02/2011 12:23

Just read through some other posts, and there are some valid points to consider. "Rural" doesn't have to be "middle of nowhere" - we are in a market town and have good transport links to London (1hour) and other larger towns/cities (10-20mins), so we're not worried about occupying DS when he's older.

It doesn't have to be bustling, feverish city VS not a soul in sight for miles. There is a happy medium that still kicks the butt of the big smoke!

Oh, and if you have family in Norfolk, DEFINITELY go there - maybe 20mins away so they're not on your doorstep but still well within baby-sitting distance!

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 01/02/2011 12:25

Abr1de - Tough titty.

Jux · 01/02/2011 12:41

have pm'd you OP.

I remember gazing in horror at a woman, not long after we moved here, when she said she'd queued up overnight at Smith's for the latest Harry Potter book. She said it was the only bit of excitement the town had offered for years!!!!

We are a market town, but not a bustling one. Our market is dieing with the encroachment of Tesco.

Abr1de · 01/02/2011 12:46

Not just for me. For everyone who lives in a town and sometimes wants a walk somewhere quiet and beautiful, away from the concrete. Once it's gone, it's gone for good. And with it the wildlife and the flora.

Tough titty for a lot of people, now and in the future.

mummyinthevalley · 01/02/2011 12:53

we moved from Sutton Coldfield nr Birmingham to Devon 18 months ago and haven't regretted it for a single moment. There is a pride about where we live, a much greater sense of community. We've all been welcomed, children have settled at school well, DD is 11, DS1 is 7 and new DS2 is 5 months. We do miss family and friends but make regular trips to visit people and they come to see us too. I have found the countryside a lot less pretentious than the city, not so much politics at the school gates and 'what can I get out of being friends with you' attitude. Another small downside is the extra travelling to get anywhere but a very small price to pay, we love it

LaWeaselMys · 01/02/2011 13:11

If you're going for a bigger village on bus routes I'm sure you'll be fine.

And yes, rural crime, poverty, drugs and unemployment is a huge problem in Norfolk and similar places, I am just south in a Market town in Suffolk.

The attitude of 'oh you won't be bored in the country if you're into gardening etc' is ridiculous when you apply it to teenagers.

Just because you are into outdoorsy things doesn't mean your DC will be too. And a lot of countryside activities are adults only, pubs, PTAs...

As a child in a small village, none of the other children were allowed out to play (even at 10!) because of the fast cars and paedo-hysteria. I was an out doors person and I was bored miserable and lonely. I ended up watching a lot of TV.

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